And now my header disappeared again! *throws all the throwable things*
Spommers are the worst. I’m voting for the first political party to add cyberterrorism to the list of capital offenses. I swear I’ve been trying to revive my blog. But every time I try to post, wordpress is under attack. All hail and gratitude to Mary and her elves for getting me through the worst of it AND letting me know that I can ask my host people to fix things. They’ve been most helpful these past few days. Wow. This might be the least interesting thing I’ve ever written. I think I gotta post some nudes of the True Blood cast to make up for it. smiley face
I had a whole 2014 blog resurgence plan, but WordPress is not cooperating. I try to login, but all I see I a stupid white box and it won’t let me do anything. Cry.
I’ve got my friends looking into a fix, but may have to hire a wordpress guru and just fix everything wrong with this blog at once. Anyone have any recommendations on how to find one? On a lower lower middle class salary!
You can’t even really tell from that photo, but baby Rose is THEEE mostest gorgeousest person on the planet. AND this year’s Clareified person of the year.
I want to say it’s because she was born in 2013, but I’m not sure, nobody told me when she was born cause I’m not important and nobody likes me (insert downcast eyes and shuffling feet) so I didn’t find out till my once a year Facebook login and I didn’t get to meet her till around August.
But no matter, she is like the perfectest person!
Totally smart and curious and kind, she didn’t even cry during my whole visit, and babies HATE me! Plus, she’s still little enough that she let me put a Mets cap on her head AND take a picture! (Of course, she then promptly took it off… toldya, smart!)
So, for being the highlight of a cruddy summer and making me laugh with her misadventures on the playmat, Rose is totes magotes the Clareified POTY.
Happy New Year, everybody! I wish you health, happiness and hope in 2014!
My laptop has a horrible virus that’s killing it and my car is in the shop with a flat tire. The last time these things happened, two of my childhood friends died.
So…sorry. And I’ll miss whichever of youse it is.
Yesterday, I was at Dawn 2′s birthday gathering for her 29th, 29th birthday —wait… that’s not right — anyway, so it was Patriots sunday, but I was on the road headed to New Jersey.
Thankfully, I have paid an undisclosed amount of money to be able to watch Patriots games on my phone. Of course, we were losing to the hapless Cleveland Browns, so I wasn’t feeling very thankful. I listened as drive after Patriots drive was stalled by the Browns defense. I heard Rob Gronkowski sustain a leg shattering injury and looked down (at a red light for a milisecond, officer) to see him carted off the field to a standing ovation.
And then the Patriots finally scored a touchdown and opted to go for the two point conversion instead of just kicking the easy PAT. I was annoyed. So I was complaining to Alceste. Then with two minutes left in the game, we’re down by 12. And suddenly, Brady is completing every pass and they score an easy touchdown.
“BAH! WHO CARES AT THIS POINT?!” I whine. STOOPID BROWNS!
“Ooh la di da, now they’re gonna try to get a possession from the on-side kick. The TV stat box says the Patriots haven’t recovered an on-side kick since 1994. I roll my eyes. My eyes, still midroll, do not really see the play. Alceste says the Patriots recover. I think he’s mocking me.
I look at the TV. Play is under review! Sure, enough the Patriots did recover it!
I won’t go into further details, but the Patriots came back to win their third game in a row after trailing at the half.
I feel like the universe is telling me not quit. But I’m going to need to see 7 more Patriots wins like this to really believe it. *whistles*
I went away on a week long road trip through the American south. I was very nervous about being pulled over by a cop in my BMW and getting shot to death. Or being hijacked at a gas station in my BMW and getting shot to death. Or cheering a Patriots win in Bank of America stadium and an angry Panthers fan shooting me to death. You get the idea.
Anyway, so I missed all my shows for a week, and upon my return, I discovered that I watch thirty shows. THIRTY. And they were still airing new episodes, so I tried to catch up, but they just kept coming and then Dr. Who came back (but Boardwalk went away…so, still thirty) ANYWAY, I just watched an episode of Person of Interest AND I’M SOOOO MAD that I can’t watch anything anymore, so I’m taking a writing break. AN ANGRY ANGRY writing break. AARRGGGHHH DAMN YOU PERSON OF INTEREST. DAMN YOU TO THE DEEPEST PIT OF HELL!!)
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2
An unnecessary sequel to a perfect movie. I did not enjoy it at all. Kids might like it though. But the first one was awesomesauce.
12 Years a Slave
So, before I left, I told Mary that if she didn’t hear from me for 12 years, she should come fetch me from South Carolina. Because that is what I learned from 12 Years a Slave. Free black people go to the South and WHAMO. This is the story of an African-American musician who is kidnapped by shady carnies and sold into slavery where he languishes for some number of years. Oh yeah, twelve! Duh. This movie was good, but there were too many all-star cameos (from Paul Giamatti to Brad Pitt) that distracts from what is otherwise a stripped down brutal narrative.
This movie was great. It’s probably too late, but I highly recommend seeing it in 3D at a theater. It’s a weirdly intimate film set against a big blockbuster spectacle setting. It’s about americans in space or one woman’s journey from tragedy to triumph. Something. Go see it! (I got yelled at on twitter for being so effusive about Gravity, but being lukewarm about 12 Years. To which I responded “eh, I likes what I likes.”)
Frank & The Robot
This is a small independent film set in the not-to-distant future. It’s about an old man dealing with dementia and how in the future they have robot helper aides. He was a robber and so he uses the robot to help him plan robberies again. It’s cute. Susan Sarandon and the Cyclops kid from the X-men movies are in it.
New Jack City
HAHAHAHAHAHAH I saw this in a theater when I was a kid. I must have snuck in cause for shizzle my mommy did NOT take me to see this movie about cops going undercover to bust a crack king. YO THE WIRE TOTES RIPS THIS MOVIE OFF! Except for the Wire didn’t have laughable writing and camp acting. But other than that: SAME!
Tyler Perry’s Temptation
Sigh. I saw two Tyler Perry involved movies in a row without wanting to stab him in the face with a spoon. So, I thought, hey, maybe we can be friends, Tyler Perry and I. Maybe I can spend the money I have saved for the bail money I will need should I ever meet him on the street. BUT NOOOOOO. He has to go and make this claptrap about an uppity woman who dares want to open her own business and have a career. Seriously, Tyler Perry might be the devil. THE DEVIL. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. DO NOT AARRGGHHHH!!! STABBED WITH A SPOON, I TELL’S YA! Oh, and the *BEST* part of this movie is that he not only fucks up notions of equality and justice; he also fucks up basic tenets of Christianity. Homie doesn’t get to “remarry and have a kid with some other chick” while his “first wife” is still alive. Adulterer much, Tyler Perry? AARRRGGHHH.
A whole story about what (mostly) visitors from other countries find surprising about (mostly) America.
(I do believe there’s an entry from Jamie Moreno about Canada and another lady about Toronto. Dude. Two different countries.)
Here it is. My favorite is the one about the country where there’s no such thing as dog food. I think of all the “surprises,” this might be the only one I might be ashamed of… but not even really. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! (What? We pledge allegiance in day care! Whatdya expect?)
I’m not great about fixing things. And by “not great,” I pretty much mean I’m awful about it. Once a thing stops working, I chuck it in the back of a closet somewhere and buy a new one.
I feel like there might be a story about how my lamp stopped working, so I bought a new one and then when my friend came to assemble the new one, he noticed that the old one wasn’t broken, the bulb had just burned out.
However, I’m only 92% sure that happened, and I’m terrible at math and boy, does that story make me sound like a grade A jabroni, so, let’s say that never happened. (Shut up, Fischel.) (Okay, I might now be 96% sure that happened. *whistles*)
Anyway, so the lamp was absolutely definitely probably not at all broken, and I quickly replaced it. I needed light, it wasn’t giving me any, end of story. Lamp, dumpster; dumpster lamp.
When my transmission went kaput, I bought a new car.
Repairs? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
I do admire the handy types though. The ones with a tool box, a light touch and elbow grease. They bring the dead things back to life; they see opportunity in the trash pile.