Clareified

I got the brace off my right foot a couple of days ago. Of course, it’s still pretty swollen and hurts like a mother, so I had to buy men’s sneakers three times my size to stick it in. It takes so long to get my foot in them and relace it up that I have time to have the same conversation with myself every morning.
After ten minutes lacing up the right foot, I say:
“How’s the shoe?”
Then I say, “it’s on the foot,” then I quickly stick my left foot in and say “and now the shoe is on the other foot!” And I laugh my head off.

Karol: That’s the third time I’ve been defriended from myspace.
Me: Aw man, you’re so lucky. I thought I was getting defriended last month, but I didn’t.
Karol: Hey, I can defriend you if you want?
Me: Really?! Thanks!

Ronald “Bo” Ward, owner of Bo’s Barber Shop, had told the council his business would go under if he couldn’t get his home rezoned as commercial. After the 5-7 vote Thursday night, Ward stood and walked toward the council.

“Y’all have put me under. … I’m out of here,” he said before shooting himself in the head with a small handgun.

Man kills self after losing council vote.

So’s their faces.

Okay kids, now you shouldn’t ever try to scam money from your mother, but if you’re going to try…you shouldn’t call your mom claiming to need $500 because you’re braindead. Just sayin’. And yeah folks, that is a true story.