Clareified

It’s my brilliant, beautiful, botanical little sister’s birthday! Unfortunately, for her, said birthday falls in MY birthday season, so she usually has to have her birthday in November.

However, as she is also getting married soon, this year I will grant her the hours of noon to 11:30 pm to celebrate her birthday! You’re welcome!

Also, if the cellphone shots of herself in the dress shop mirror are any indication, all you other brides-to-be better get your weddings in now, cause Smokey is fixin to be the most gorgeous bride ever and all weddings will be ruined for everyone else into perpetuity.

Happy 11 and a half hours to you!

I have become obsessed with the music from the World Cup! It’s so get up and dance! This song comes in many different languages. I chose Spanish because I really need to brush up on my mother’s mother tongue. I am getting out-espanoltweeted by F-train on twitter!

F-trrrraaaaaiiiinnnnn! JAYSUS. Nobody tell.

Aww, speaking of F-train, did you all see his awesomepants post yesterday?

Sure, Dawn has her faults. Her memory is long. Cross her once and you might not find yourself ever able to cross her again. But Dawn knows that she has her faults. She doesn’t pretend they’re not there. That’s something that you can only respect in a person: a person who is secure enough in themselves to say “This is who I am. I am not perfect, but that’s fine.”

Except I do not remember ever saying that I wasn’t perfect. I mean, I am perfect, so saying that I’m not would mean that I was wrong. I am also never wrong. But other than that…spot on, job!

Also, Grange had a terrific post, my favorite part of which was his nicknames for my many internet presences:

Some of you may know the “Real Dawn Summers” (Twitter Ramblings, Annoying Non-Poker Blog, Obnoxious Poker Blog). I don’t. But somehow, despite never meeting this East Coast Nit Queen, I’ve made it on her short list of mortal enemies. Sweet.

My other mortal enemy Chilly, also dedicated blog space to yours truly, which I was tempted not to mention in this post, so he could throw another electronic hissy fit, since yesterday’s almost sent me to the hospital with an incurable case of the giggles. Seriously, I’m already starting to laugh again and I’m not even really thinking about it…hahahahahaha aw man, my stomach….but I LOVED this part of his post, so I have to quote it because, while not as hysterical as a Chilly temper tantrum, it’s TOTALLY true and hysterical in itself:

We have met face to face a couple of times. Although based on the fact that neither one of us really likes people it was basically a head nod and a return to drinking.

We must do better in December! Like maybe a head nod and some gun fingers!

And also, we’ll cannibalize Mary’s post for next year’s theme song, because they are way, way, WAY better than stupid Vinnay’s “you’re going to die now” birthday ditty. Please forward any information on the name of his band and where they will be playing next please. Videos also welcome.

Ooh and April dedicated her status to me. And now we’re running mates for the 2012 Presidential election. Vote for us. I don’t know what our platform is exactly, but I’m thinking something along the lines of the carrot and stick; except with cupcakes and sharks. Pretty boss.

Um…will write more about the birthday when the season ends, but had a blast yesterday! Even ended up in twitter jail for the first time…NOT COOL, man, NOT COOL! I have awesome friends, family, readers, commenters, followers!

Peace and chicken grease!

I have so many presents to open! But it’s not my birthday (contrary to what stupidfaced Vinnay thinks! He’s SO ON THE LIST!) and that would be wrong. Plus, I got an early present today…Jamie has given me Zac Efron! Which is pretty darn awesome! And possibly unconstitutional, but whatever, yay me! Thanks Jamie! However, there is a question that often comes up on the eve of my birthday. I will address that question now.

Dawn’s birthday is tomorrow and I didn’t get her anything, I’m totally freaking OUT! What should I do?

Relax. The most important thing is that you NOT PANIC.

Okay, well the most important thing is that you remembered before Friday. I shudder at the fate of those who don’t remember before Friday. Those poor bastards.
But that’s not you, you’re totally good and only moderately screwed.

Luckily for you, Dawn is a caring and benevolent ruler. And like all such rulers, Dawn wants to help you celebrate the wonderfulness of her.

Tomorrow is a good time to blog about Dawn, tweet about Dawn, leave lengthy and hilarious facebook wall posts about and for Dawn.

Say you have a blog, and you are in Toronto…ask yourself do I blogroll Dawn’s poker blog?

Or, if you have a blog and you are in Las Vegas. You may blogroll Dawn, but is she first? You may blogroll Dawn’s poker blog, but does it list “Dawn + X” as authors? Or worse “X+ Dawn”? Tomorrow would be the perfect day to update and cleanup these blogroll boo boos.

Are you on twitter?

Tomorrow would be a great time to do a #FRDS that’s right a “Follow RealDawnSummers.”

Are you not on twitter? Tomorrow would be the perfect day to join. And follow @realdawnsummers, tweet me happy birthday (Something like “Happy Birthday, @realdawnsummers will work) and then never log in again. Dawn is just padding her stats. Also, if you could get @conanobrien to follow me, that’d be clutch!

If you are F-train, you can drink lots and then tweet general observations for the rest of the day because that would be epic and really, would be a gift for all of twitter. See how generous, I am? Even on this, the eve of my birthday, I think of the good of the collective. Wait, that sounds a little commie. I think of the good of the collective, but in a capitalist way. Send me a dollar.

Better.

You can text and BBM hilarious jokes, touching memories of Dawn through the years, and/or send awesome pictures throughout the day. Oh, except you, you need to not ever text me again. Or e-mail. Eyeroll.

Also, if you have Tom Brady’s cellphone number, tomorrow would be an awesome day to give that to me. I swear, I’ll only use it on Saturdays during the football season! Pinky swear! That’s the most binding of swears!

Securing a President Obama press conference shoutout would also be pretty boss. President Clinton issued a Happy Birthday proclamation for me in 1996. I wonder if that’s binding for all future and past Presidents?!
I bet it is!

OMG Abraham Lincoln wished me Happy Birthday! WOW. Everyday my awesomeness simply grows and grows!

Oh, I’m sorry, I got distracted. This post is not about me, it’s about you.

You can also take this opportunity to trip my enemies. Or, if you are my enemy (looking at you Grange and Ken Wheaton) go ahead and trip yourselves. Twitpics or it didn’t happen.

Oh and comment comment comment! Tis the comments that feed the beast! Er…the awesome. The comments feed the awesome. Damn autocorrect.

So be of good cheer! There is plenty of time to be part of my born day celebrations!

So let’s get out there, have fun and win!

Or whatever Invictus was about.

And now for your moment of Zen:

RABBIT RABBIT! DAWN! DAWN! BIRTHDAY! BIRTHDAY!
(Huh? What echo?)

*DANCES* *TWIRLS* *CATCHES BREATH* *TWIRLS*

Everybody calls 11 that right?

I got my first present today! Yay!

*Does the running man in my chair because I am old and have bad knees*

But really, guy, all you had to do was ask!

THE EIGHTH OF JULY!

More easily remembered as 7/8. Cause eight naturally follows seven when counting. Unless you’re counting backwards, then it precedes it. But counting backwards is dumb. Unless it’s New Year’s, then it’s tradition.

Droid X

It’s super black. Like Malcolm. And me.

And This is not April’s incessant mocking, I think I’m getting this phone.

Has anyone heard any drawbacks to the HTC Incredible? Or can any argument be made that the latest blackberry is just as good?

(Iphone is out of the question because AT&T bites it.)

UPDATE

Was just informed the Motorola Droid 2 is coming out next month, so I should hold off…

I am so well rested today.
I slept in until 6!
Watched NY1 till 6:30 (GO METS WINNING ON MY BIRTHDAY! WOOT!) and then got my butt up and on the 7 am bus.
It’s crazy the difference that 1.5 hours makes!
Subway was mad crowded, so I didn’t get a seat until really far into my trip, but the good bagel place was open, so I got a bagel and a danish as big as my head. Diet starts Monday. I SWEAR…
Anyway, yesterday was so awesome.
I was trapped at my desk for like 13 hours, but via the magic of the internets, I got to virtually celebrate my birthday with all my friends across the lands.
I really am beloved worldwide! Don’t be jealous Fisch, I’m sure someone somewhere likes you.
Alceste and Dawn 2 gave me the gift of Scrabble; pearatty and Smokey sent me awesome flowers; Ugarles made me the envy of all my black friends on twitter, who now think I am the BOMB, SON!; F-train proclaimed this the bestest blog ever and Man wrote me a funny poem. We played a game of Scrabble in which, though he performed admirably, I crushed him with my crazee skillz, so he put the words I played on him together in a poem:

Ar! lour the half-sail–make me walk the wair;
some words are cool and others dinky.
(or corny as a half-turned quern by Clare
or maybe my diet ain’t sufficiently zincy.)

Floored and leveled by your polska kielbasa
I guess I’m just a scrabble mome.
None of these words have flown in la mia casa,
So a happy birthday ends this silly pome.

Hee heee (I really did play kielbasa! How awesome, am I?)

Thanks also to my dentist, who tortured me for an hour and then rendered my mouth and tongue useless for another three hours, for giving me back the ability to chew on both sides of my mouth without taking painkillers. Who’s got two thumbs and somehow managed to get a cavity on the face of her tooth? This guy!

Um, what else, Oh petitedov dedicated Birdhouse in Your Soul, to me on her blog without knowing it was one of my very absolute favorites (Me: I LOVE this song! I think I spent the whole of winter 2004 telling Karol that I was the only bee in her bonnet! And then she’d say “I don’t want *any* bees in my bonnet.) So I take this as a sign that my musical tastes are endorsed by petitedov and she’s really cool, so I must be really cool!
Best birthday tweet, besides my shout-outs from the twin pillars of the poker universe Pauly and Iggy, was from my personal one-man Canadian entertainment center: Astinto. Pronounced Eh-Stin-Toe (at least by me):

Rumour is it’s @dawnsummers birthday. I find this hard to believe as you’d think she’d give SOME indication of it.

Hahahaaha, ehstintoe spells funny.

By 5 o’clock I was giddy with the birthday fever and decided to leave work early, but as I had been all responsible and conscientious, I didn’t really have anywhere to go if I did leave early. So I texted Karol:
“Boy I wish I had somewhere to go on my birthday if I left work early. But since I don’t…I guess I’ll just stay at work…working…on my birthday…cause I have nowhere to go…”
Karol responds: Can you believe Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are still together?
Epic Karol PHAIL! (Also Epic PHAIL to everyone who wished me “Happy 5th anniversary of 29″ or “Happy ‘29th’ birthday” — besides I am fairly sure that when I turned 29 the first time, I celebrated my 25th birthday, so who’s really clever now?)
Therefore, I resorted to the one person biologically mandated to take pity on me on my birthday:
“Hi mommy! So, how are you? What’s going on?”
“What do you want?”
Hee hee.
My mommy agreed to cook me dinner and we had cake and ice cream and it was awesome! So take that stupidface, vasya!
Oh, yeah, I’m pretty sure that on twitter Karol and Snaps Wheaton said that I was white and “passing.” But especially Snaps.

1. Go to the dentist.