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Spanning the Tube

Monday, October 25th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

Oh my! It’s almost Halloween and I haven’t given you my take on the 2010 television landscape! Color me forgetful!

Well, let’s get to it, this might be in a weird NBC, Fox, ABC, CBS, CW order because that’s how I copied and pasted them from the sites. Also, I must say, I feel like I’m no longer watching that much TV…scary, I know. But in my defense, I watch a lot of poker and football shows that aren’t represented in this lineup.

And no, I still don’t watch reality shows. If I want reality I will leave my house and volunteer at a homeless shelter. Or adopt a child.

30 Rock

Ah, the gang’s back! Liz, Trace, Jack, Jenna and even Kenneth who was fired at the end of last season and began this season working at CBS. Sigh, it’s not as great as the first two seasons, but it’s still better than most of the crap out there AND the live episode made my week. Not that alcoholism is funny. And not that I’m an alcoholic.

Chase

I had high hopes for this show. Well, except for the lead being a skinny blond woman, I like law enforcement shows where the lead is a strong woman. Sadly, this show is terrible. I watched one episode and it took three vodka snow cones for me to make it through. Or I should say, I had three vodka snow cones because I would pause it when I got bored and would go make another one. It’s a whole thing…wait, where was I…don’t watch this show, it’s bad and annoying and frankly, a little bit racist. And I repeat, I am NOT an alcoholic.

Chuck

How is Chuck still on the air? HOW?? I don’t get it? Bionic Woman, Life, the Nine…(hmm…I forgot to make my annual Fisch bet this year…) they all die, BUT CHUCK LIVES? There is no TV God. Alceste says he thinks this season is better than the last, I guess that’s true, but only because last season SUCKED HAIRY…um…there is no non gross way to end that sentence, is there? I apologize. I do love Linda Hamilton. Though…man, she has NOT aged well. Sad face.

Community

I don’t think I’ve blogged about how much I enjoy this show, though I tweet the sentiment quite often. I know not many people watch. In fact, last year I wrote that I thought it was okay, but was certain it would be canceled. I was wrong. After a few anemic episodes, this show came into its own with one of the funniest 22 minutes ever aired on TV with last year’s paintball episode. This year has picked right up where last season left off, with an awesome Betty White cameo AND a hilarious “simulated rocket launch.” I didn’t much care for the last episode, but with a show as tongue-in-cheek as Community, when they hit, they hit and when they miss…well, you still have the paintball episode saved on your DVR.

Law and Order: Los Angeles

I HATE THIS SHOW. I HATE THE COPS. I HATE THE STORYLINES. I HATE THE SETTING. I HATE….THE INTRO. I wish I could take credit for this, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was off about it until I read the following tweet from @basseyworldlive “These are some happy ass murders.” Precisely. The show is colored wrong, the dialogue is off, at no point do you BELIEVE that these actors are law or order! Blah. Terrible. Bring back the New York one, at least those bodies looked real.

Law and Order: SVU

Great double header to open the season, guest starring Malcolm from Lost as a suspect with a TWIST! Now, see? THIS is a Law and Order! Murders, victims, blood, PERPS! TWISTS! Aww, I’m home again.

The Office

Last season was SO bad, I was going to quit. Also, I HATE Erin and her stupid mousey face…but then, I dunno, they’ve regained something this season. That episode where Jim was going to keep adding keys to Dwight’s ring…classic! Reminded me of the good old days of Jim pranks before the crap about Sabre buying them out. I like the Office when they stick to plausible office scenarios, but are funny about it. Michael having to go to Toby for counseling? PERFECT. I’m back.

Outsourced

Look, on the one hand, this show is awful. On the other hand, do you want to be responsible for 12 Indian from India actors losing their jobs? Okay then.

Undercovers

Please, see what I wrote for Outsourced, but change Indian from India to black and 12 to three.

Bones

Yay! I love Bones. I love the characters, I love the storylines, I love the murders, and I love the solutions. I hate Booth’s new girlfriend. If they would just kill her off and have Bones solve the murder, I’d be cool. How great was the David Allen Grier guest spot??? A-MAY-ZING!

Family Guy

I still DVR this. But I still have episodes saved from last season that I haven’t finished. This show is the very definition of hit or miss. When it’s great, I don’t want to miss out, but when it bites, I can’t get through it and they just pile up.

Fringe

This is clearly the show’s best season. They have their footing, but I am still skeptical about their ability to pull off this double Olivia stuff…especially since Olivia is my least favorite character. But, at least we also kinda get double Walter. I’m in wait and see mode, if they cop out or shank it, I’m definitely quitting the show this season. Definitely! Ooh and Bubbles from The Wire should come back AND QUICK!

Glee

They sing, they dance, there’s a lot of drama set to music and costumes! They had me at “sing.” If you love Broadway and TV, this is the show for you. Also, Sue Sylvester might be one of the greatest TV characters ever. If you don’t love Broadway and TV, well, I feel sorry for you, cause you’re going to burn in hell. What? It’s in the bible. Like toward the back part.

House

Me no likey House and the boss lady being in a relationship. Me really no likey how explicit and prominent those scenes have been. Sadly, I’ll be even more pissed if they break them up. Really, I need them to be together, but have the show never mention it. Ever.

Lie To Me

Sigh. Sometimes this show is great. Sometimes it’s dumb. Like when a bunch of guys are stuck in a mine, but they don’t call engineers to get them out, NO! They CALL CAL LIGHTMAN! Cause he can read faces and get to the truth. Dude. They need a drill and a pulley, rat’s ass about the truth. And this happens A LOT. A Dude drives up to the White House with a bomb…no bomb squad…Lightman Group! COME ON! Also, I don’t get why they fired the black FBI guy. Annoying.

Raising Hope

I really should have put this show first. IT’S BRILLIANT, TOUCHING, HILARIOUS, GENIUS, PERFECT. It’s about a guy who has a one night stand with a serial killer, she is sentenced to death row, finds out she’s pregnant and when she’s executed, the guy is given custody of the baby. Of course, he’s a loser who lives at home with his parents. I laugh so hard when I watch this show, I have to rewind it because I’ve missed stuff. I love it so much, I didn’t even notice that there are no black in it till right this minute. GO WATCH! RIGHT NOW! ALL THE EPS ARE ONLINE AT FOX.COM. No, I’ll wait. GO!

Running Wilde

Um…see what I said about Raising Hope? Take the opposite of all that. He plays a really rich guy trying to impress his hippie ex-girlfriend and her daughter. Blah. Suck. It’s a real shame too because Will Arnett can be funny.

The Simpsons

The Simpsons will always be the Simpsons. The Lisa coaches Bart’s baseball team episode will be a classic.

Shit My Dad Says

I thought the show about a son that has to move back home with his ornery cranky dad was okay. I laughed. It’s not awesome, but it’s a solid “Meh.” And for a CBS comedy, well, that’s like an Emmy. However, since CBS doesn’t offer the episodes online for free, I can no longer watch it. Oh well.

Blue Bloods

Good to see Tom Brady’s baby mama can still get employment. But, this show about a rabble of Irish working cops is SO formulaic, I feel like I’m in high school physics class. Oh snap! See what I did there? I watched the premiere, never watched again.

CSI

OH MY GOSH, you guys, I QUIT CSI! I don’t even record them anymore! This and Smallville are the only two shows that are still airing that I “used to watch”! Who’s proud of me?

The Defenders

I watched the first episode of this show about two Las Vegas defense attorneys. The law? ALL WRONG. It was mildly amusing, but Jerry O’Connell is TV show death, so I won’t bother watching it again. NO way it lasts. (Dawn has pretty much just guaranteed syndication.)

The Good Wife

I’m glad I didn’t quit this show when I said that I would! It’s SOOO good. Mr. Big is still not that big a part of the show, which is boss because I hate him, but the other characters: Calinda, the PI, Alicia, the cheated on wife, the partners…oh so so good! You should be watching. And heck, you can pick it up right in the middle…so start watching!

Hawaii Five-O

I like this show. It’s a cop show, it’s set in Hawaii. It’s been uneven so far…hated the gun running storyline, loved the hostage taking storyline…Lines. They had two back to back…but I’ll be interested to see if they do more back storytelling rather than “crime of the weeks.”

The Mentalist

Last year, I thought I loved this show, then I started watching Castle and I see how derivative The Mentalist is…I’ll probably quit it soon, if they don’t go back to letting the Mentalist search for his wife’s killer. There are too many “crimes of the week” shows out there that do it so much better than The Mentalist. Let Jane be unique and maybe I’ll get back into it. Also, why CBS doesn’t offer episodes of this show online, I can’t understand. It’s driving me batty since my DVR missed the first episode of the season. However, the fact that it hasn’t changed my understanding of anything…well, bad sign.

Mike & Molly

I watched the first two episodes of this sitcom about “Plus-sized love.” But that’s all it was, fat joke after fat joke. Blah.

Brothers & Sisters

I have been promising to quit this show for three seasons. But I mean it this time, I’m done with the annoying limousine liberal Walker clan! Totally! Done. I’m leaving! For real this time!

Castle

I love Castle! I love his face, and his words and his mom and his house and his job. And I love Beckett and the other cops and I love their crimes. I HATE HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND. Well, and his daughter, but that sounds kinda mean to say…so…I HATE HIS GIRLFRIEND! This show is so funny and witty, I could watch it for hours and hours…and have!

Cougartown

DON’T JUDGE ME! It’s funny! I swear. I KNOW I KNOW…it just is. The cast and the writing…dude, what can I say. It’s funny.

Desperate Housewives

Sigh. I was SO excited to see Vanessa Williams join the cast… but the writers have already let me down. Why would she BE CHASING a contractor! AND WHY WOULD SHE GIVE UP? VOMIT. Vanessa Williams is amazing, she deserves better than the crap treatment black women get on network television. And fuck is up with replacing Gabrielle’s fat daughter with a skinny one? This show is doing the MOST to make me hate myself! But it won’t work! I have self esteem! You hear that MARC CHERRY! I love my fat black woman self and you can’t stop me!

Detroit 187

This show had a chance to really stand out. It could have done an amazing episode…instead, it copped out and is now just an okay cop show. I don’t really get the point of it – I mean, they have solved every homicide so far, but my sense about real Detroit homicides, is that the problem is they keep racking them up, but they never solve them…am I wrong? Plus, the scenery is so damn depressing.

Grey’s Anatomy

This season is so weak. Yet, I am so invested in these characters that I still cry almost every episode. I’m a sap. But if you aren’t also already similarly invested, there’s no need to start watching. Unless, you’re gonna rent all the past seasons…which are awesomesauce!

The Middle

I go back and forth on this show. You should know I HATE Patricia Heaton. But I kinda like the Janitor and I love the kids, so…I watch. It makes me laugh. I’m not saying you need to watch though…

Modern Family

I am MAD at this show right now. Making fun of Tom Brady getting hurt… THE DAMN HELL ASS NERVE! But it’s usually pretty hilarious, so I will assume someone just had an off day. I will recommend this show…but I’m keeping my eye on it! Hear that? Modern Family? WATCH Yourselves!

My Generation

I actually liked this show. However, since the “documentary” about ten kids who graduated high school in 2000, has already been canceled, not much more needs to be said. Plus, it did kinda make me feel old.

No Ordinary Family

THIS SHOW IS SOOOOOO TERRIBLE. I MEAN CRINGE TERRIBLE. Like you watch them and you can actually see them thinking “oh, I need to act all upset now, so I will contort my face in an upset manner” ARRRGGHHH. I JUST DON’T GET IT. Superpowers are supposed to make a show cool, these idiots find a way to make them make the show WORSE. CANCEL THIS! PLEASE! Or recast it…I known some Indian from India actors that may need work soon.

Private Practice

This is another one of my about to be cut shows. I do not like what they’ve done with Dell or Maya or Sam or Naomi in the last 15 episodes. I’m actually all kinds of mad. Do not start watching this show under any circumstances. Or rent the old DVDs. See? Told ya I was mad.

Gossip Girl

So far, this season is better than the last. I like the Blair/Chuck feud. I find Serena and Dan increasingly annoying, but I’ll still watch for the snappy angry dialogue.

Life Unexpected

Cute show. I still watch. It may be on the verge of jumping the proverbial shark with this teacher/student love affair thing… And then I’ll stop. It already takes all I have to remember that I watch. If it starts being gross, I’m out like sprout.

Vampire Diaries

This is currently my favorite drama. I know, everyone is over the vampire thing…but they somehow make it new and fresh and funny and deliciously evil again. It’s set in a small town called Mystic Falls and there are two brothers, who are both vampires because they both fell in love with the same woman 175 years ago AND SHE WAS A VAMPIRE AND TURNED THEM! AND NOW in present day there is a young high school girl that LOOKS just like THAT VAMP! And no one knows WHY! Okay, that may sound weird, but I promise, it’s good.

Empire Boardwalk

Four episodes in and I don’t know what or why I’m watching. But I’ll keep watching cause it’s HBO and I REFUSE to be all left out of the “hype” again like with Dexter and Mad Men. I will suffer through because I am desperate to be cool. Wait…I don’t think I’m supposed to admit that… fucking Marc Cherry is inside my head!!

Emmy’s

Sunday, August 29th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

1. If Neil Patrick Harris is nominated, he should win. Period. End of effing story.
2. I can’t wait till black people get invented, so they can be on TV shows and win Emmy’s.
3. I’m glad the Indian lady from The Good Wife won one. Suck it, Whitey. Yeah, I said it.
4. On the one hand, it would have been a nice “Fuck you, NBC,” if the Conan Obrien hosted Tonight Show had won. On the other hand, that show sucked.
5. Do you guys know that my mom LOVES Jimmy Fallon? Like tried to fight-me-in-AC-because-I-said-his-show-was-boring-and-wanted-to-change-the-channel-LOVE.
6. I’m glad George Clooney does charitable work and whatnot, but is it wrong that I’d prefer he just sit there and look pretty? I can’t stand the condescension. That’s a harder word to spell than you’d you think. Don’t tell Clooney, he’ll get all judgy about public school education.
7. I tweeted a lot about the Emmy’s. If you care you can go here. But you don’t, do you?
8. I’ve never seen the Big Bang. The Emmys think that dude is better than Alec Baldwin. Obviously, I can’t judge fairly, but Alec Baldwin is pretty dang good.
9. I’m in one of those “when I’m rich and famous, I’m going to destroy the following people” kind of moods. I’m logging off now. Please leave Angela lots of comments if she guest blogs.
10. Madmen still sucks.

True Blood

Sunday, August 29th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

Dude. DUDE. WTF?

John Stamos to join cast of Glee

Thursday, June 10th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

BOOOOOOO! BOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Don’t they understand that, except for Sue Sylvester and *maybe* Will Shuster, we don’t give a flying fig about the adults in the Mckinley universe?? (Although, how hilarious would it be if Taye Diggs played one of Rachel’s gay dads?) John Stamos is a casting fail. Plus, he’s not even coming in as a teacher?

Eyeroll.

BRING IN ZAC EFRON!!!!

Lost

Monday, May 24th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

I get a text from Vinnay at the end of the show saying and I quote: “I just finished watching the finale. It’s the first time I’ve watched. What did I miss”?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Right Julius Goat?

Also, I’ve decided to live the rest of my life as if I am already dead. Beware.

TV News

Sunday, May 16th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

Good News: Heroes and Flash Forward have been canceled. Yay!
Bad News: Chuck has been renewed (sorry Anwyn), Mercy has been canceled and so has Better Off Ted and Law & Order. Boo.

And yeah, I know Law & Order sucked with Jack as DA, but NBC could have at least let them get the record and *then* drop the axe. So. Boo.

The End of an Era

Friday, May 14th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

Law and Order has been canceled!

Quote of the Year

Saturday, April 24th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

This is America. None of us are supposed to be here! – 30 Rock

Better three years late

Saturday, March 27th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

…than never.

Fox to cancel 24 after the current dreadful season.

Television Thursday

Thursday, January 21st, 2010 by Dawn Summers

There are few words able to get me to watch a new television show: written by Joss Whedon, starring Dylan McDermott and “a Gilmore Girls for the new decade.” Ok, that’s a lot of words. But so it is I came to DVR the new show “Life Unexpected.” The last one. It is not written by Joss nor does it star Dylan. I liked it! Not at all what I was expecting…blond girl from two dark haired parents always gives me pause. It involves A LOT of white people…but it’s set in Portland, so…what are you gonna do. Basically, a 16 year old foster kid tries to get emancipation, but she needs her birth parents’ signature. Once she gets them, the judge is all, well, if you’ve got signatures, you’ve got birth parents: No soup for you and sentences the girl to the joint custody for former high school paramours who havent spoken in 16 years. Hijinks. Something. We’ll see.

New Chuck. Ok, the new Chuck 2.0 isn’t *the worst* he still needs to flash before he gets all super spy…but his whiny voice irritates me and I can’t stand the will they/won’t they with Sarah. Enough already. She is WAY out of his league! End of story. Bring back sandwich girl, so she can leave Ted Mosby alone.

How I Met Your mother: How awesome was the Barney musical?? HONESTLY!!!! I hate that it looks like “the Mother” is going to be a blond. Sigh. Still held on to the hope it was gonna be Robin.

30 Rock. This new hypersexual Liz Lemon has GOT to go.

Parks and Recreation…is still airing? Why?