Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for the 'Sports' Category

Not so random thought

Tuesday, March 20th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

When I’m a famous billionaire, I’m buying all the press in New York and firing every single last sports writer. Rangers are the first Eastern Conference team to clinch a playoff spot, but what do all the sports pages have on their covers?

WILPON!

Fuckers.

In other news, check me rocking my new Rangers jersey! I’ll be rinkside on Friday hoping to catch the eye of a certain fellow Patriots fan and New York center.
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I’ll be practicing signing things “Dawn Boyle” till then.

RANGERS PUNCH THEIR TICKET TO THE PLAYOFFS!

Monday, March 19th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

We don’t need to watch no scoreboards, let the motherfuckers burn! Burn motherfuckers burn!

I wish I’d gone to *this* game instead!

Soo…

Monday, March 19th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

I probably shouldn’t enter this, right? Since I would likely spend the entire game booing Tim “McVeigh” Thomas for hating America. Although, I’d be with The Gronk and he’ll probably be rooting for the Sabres too.

Hmm. Yo Soy Fiesta!

Denied on the doorstep

Friday, March 16th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

I went to see the Rangers get throttled by the seemingly unstoppable Pittsburgh Penguin pirates at the Garden last night.

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Stupid racist Crosby and Letang were back, whilst my main man Lundqvist was sidelined with…um… something. Plus, Captain Cally and DZ were out with real non wuss ass “Theraflu” injuries.

I love going to sporting events with Alceste when I lose because he’s all “you didn’t lose, Dawn. The Rangers did.” And I’m all “Negro, do you see my jersey?” And he’s all “Yes, and it doesn’t say ‘Summers’ on the back AND I’m sure your backwards skating skills are on par with mine.”

Valid!

These exchanges are WAY less valid when we go to Mets/Braves games and the Mets win and I’m all “SO’S YOUR FACE! We TOTALLY KICKED YOUR ASSES!” And he’s all “O_o Your curveball must be really good!”

Anyway, last night was one of the good going to a game with Alceste days, where I totes didn’t lose and just enjoyed my wine and the conversation from the trashy women behind us. (To which Alceste replied “Um….you might want to say that a little quieter before the trashy women slap you.”)

Again? Valid!

But seriously. These women were like your classic loudmouthed, Long Island accented big girls screaming “GET OFF YOUR ASS GABBY” Or “YOU GOTTA LIFT IT ZOOKY! LIIIFFFTT ITTT” (I also got the headline from their yelling “You’re right on the doorstep! PUT IT IN!” And then I’d think “That’s what she said!”)

And then when the scrum converged in front of the net and I stood up to see (cause we had pretty good seats twenty rows or so behind the net) they would yell “SIDDOWN!”

Terrifying. (As the night went on, I further discovered that one of them had a Rangers themed wedding where all the table numbers referenced Rangers guys like number 2, 30, 1, 9…etc. The bride walked down the aisle to the Rangers goal song and they played clips of classic Rangers wins instead of childhood pics of the bride and groom. Not that I’m ever getting married, but dude, every table is gonna be number 12! Every. One! I don’t wanna hear any follow up questions. LALALALALALA I can’t hear you.)

Oh, when I got to the Garden I found a bar with this awesome bartender who was like “the wine bottles are kind of small…here, I’ll give you two. Don’t tell. Shhh” Wheeee! Love that guy! But then I figured I should get food of some kind and ended up going to the Kosher kiosk cause it was closest. When I got to my seat, I saw that Alceste had gotten food from the same place! I laughed. But then the guy on the other side of me was all “Thank God I’m not sitting next to a Penguins fan.” I don’t know what Alceste had been doing to him before I got there.

Sadly, there were TONS of Penguins fans in attendance. When the Pens scored in the first two minutes (hangs head) there were so many cheers I thought Biron had made the stop even though I saw the lights flashing and the scoreboard change from 0-0 to 0-1.
It was like the time I went to the Riots game in San Diego and there were more Brady jerseys than Chargers fans — JUST BRADY jerseys– never mind the Patriots fans in other jerseys or who weren’t wearing their colors at all.

Alceste, however, is a wretched photographer (though he blames my camera #races) so I didn’t get any good profile pics out of it… but maybe I can convince Ugarles to go with me to the Rangers/Detroit game and we can try again.

But then I think the Rangers better win cause I’m guessing Ugarles won’t be quite so magnanimous in victory.

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Colts cut ties with Peyton Manning

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

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Hope he goes to the Niners.

Not so random thought

Tuesday, March 6th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

You know what’s totes fun? Going to NHL.com, clicking on ‘Standings’, then hitting the league tab and seeing your team in first!

And by “your” I mostly mean “my.”

Though if Pittsburgh, Vancouver and Detroit would start losing some damn games, that would also be awesome.

UPDATE:

Hockey is racist.

Heaven is a place on earth

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011 by Dawn Summers

The reading this Sunday was a passage from the Olden Times Bible, the wrathy fire and brimstone part. David is chillin in his palace and he’s all victorious in battles and being fed grapes by wenches and he thinks to himself, you know, I should build a temple or something for God, you know, a little shout out for all he’s done for me. And he tells one of his henchmen to write that down and make it happen. Upon seeing David’s to-do list, God — in his wrathy and fire brimstony way — is all “fuck yo, couch, David! Like I need your ole shepard ass to build ME a house! I BUILD THE HOUSES! Your WHOLE LIFE IS MY HOUSE, NEGRO!”

Why is this post shaping up to be Dawn’s Hip Hop Bible Study… anyhoo.

The priest’s homily focused on how we shouldn’t be carving out spaces for God in our lives. It should all be integrated. God should be where we are. Naturally, as it was Sunday afternoon, this got me thinking about Tim Tebow.

I can say this now, because one Thomas Edward Patrick Jr, has vanguished the Broncos and won yet another AFC East championship title, but I like Tim Tebow. He seems, by all accounts, to be a genuinely humble kid of faith. He embraces abstinence and praises Jesus during every interview — not amorphous “God,” but Jesus Jesus. He seems to truly view his whole life — from couldve been aborted fetus to Heismann winner to NFL starting quarterback as a blessing. His on field praying has become a nationwide sensation known as “Tebowing.” And somehow, someway this scrappy Christian boy has taken his team from the cellar of their division to the cusp of a division title. Naturally, the backlash has been swift and harsh.

And I get the hate — Tebow supporters have gone a tad batty with their “GOD FAVORS THE BRONCOS” – As if… every kid knows that pets don’t go to heaven because God hates animals. And I swear, I might punch Skip Bayless in the face if he does one more “I can’t explain Tim Tebow’s awesome” screed and then looks skyward. Douche.

But, on the surface of it, I think Tim Tebow is a positive. He hasn’t become a story because of a sextape, he isn’t a showy athlete all pretending to put on a boxing championship belt for every stupid good play like a stupid moron inferior loser quarterback who gets concussed putting on his helmet. I wish him well and hope he has a great game this sunday. And not just because I’m picking his Broncos in my football pool. Cause that would be gambling and gambling is wrong.

*Whistles*

*Tebows*

THIS IS AWESOME

Tuesday, November 29th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

<a href='http://msn.foxsports.com/video/shows/what-the-fox?videoId=775c2b5d-79cb-452c-9859-9beee86037dd&from=en-us_msnhp&src=v5:embed::' target='_new' title='73-year-old football fight' >Video: 73-year-old football fight</a>

No new colisuem for you!

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011 by Dawn Summers

Nassau votes down proposal to refurbish Islander rink. My officemate is pissed, but I say, if the Rangers have to play in the cracktacular Garden, the Islanders shouldn’t get anything better.

UNIONDALE, N.Y. — Nassau County voters, who pay among the highest local taxes in the nation, handily defeated a contentious proposal on Monday to spend $400 million to overhaul the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, the outdated home of the New York Islanders hockey club.

With 82 percent of the ballots counted late Monday, the vote was about 57 percent to 43 percent against borrowing the money through a general obligation bond to pay for the plan, which also called for construction of a minor-league baseball park and convention space. The results marked an enormous defeat for Charles E. Wang, the owner of the Islanders, who had sought a new or refurbished arena for nearly a decade.

“I have to tell you I’m disappointed, and to put it very bluntly, I’m heartbroken,” Mr. Wang said. He said he would not discuss his next move.

The Brink

Saturday, April 23rd, 2011 by Dawn Summers

henrik-lundqvist
Dedicated to my New York Rangers, who probably play their last game of the season today:

We were young and strong
We were runnin’ against the wind