Clareified

We’ve been wondering what Eliot Spitzer’s been doing with his time, other than atoning for his sins and mewling over what could have been and atoning some more. Playing Scrabulous? Learning how to knit? Finally reading Infinite Jest? But yesterday the Post snapped him and Silda in front of the NYU Medical Center, and it doesn’t really look like he’s doing much more than errands. He’s just like us! Except for the whole sleeping-with-dirty-gross-hookers part. All things considered, the first couple looks pretty good, and the Post is really quite taken with Silda’s outfit: “fashionable jeans, boots, a blazer and a fetching, large scarf.” Fetching? Eliot looks kind of awkward though, seeing as he’s dressed like he still has a job.

I wouldn’t even play Scrabulous with that moron…although it’d be nice to beat his ass. But, he’d probably like that, so nevermind.

via Karol

Nyquil is pretty good with the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, but less good with the so you can rest medicine. POUT.

Entirely related not so random question: WHY AM I UP? Oh yeah. Stupid Nyquil.

Me: We could play Scrabble…
Pearatty: Yeah…I’m not in the mood for an MRI
Me: We wouldn’t be playing with Fisch.
Pearatty: Umm…dude, you are Fisch.

Me: NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN SUUUCKED! What on earth could you have possibly liked about it?
Pearatty: Well, it’s an exposition on evil.
Me: No it’s not. That guy stole two million dollars, it’s not evil to kill as many people as necessary to get that kind of money back.
Pearatty: (Stares at me horrified.)
Me: Um…okay, maybe not as many people as necessary…but certainly five or six…
Pearatty: Continues to stare
Me: Three to five?

It’s not a mistake until you make it.

Unhappiness is making time for people who don’t make time for you.

“The only time I run is when I’m chasing the ice cream truck” -my Honda service guy on why he’s probably not going to pass his Navy Reserves PT next month.

Things are looking bleak for our heroine. With an e, folks, and e. She’s sounding bitter and looks tired, I’m not even sure she remembers why she’s running in the first place. Her colleagues in the Senate, who used to praise her profusely, now line up one by one behind Obama. (Ugarles had a hilarious bit in his apperance at my apartment when he said if Obama is elected he’s not going to have any support from the old guard of the Democratic party. “It’ll be like ‘You want us to do what? I’ve been signing memos President Biden for the last twenty years, you’re not getting a single piece of legislation, President leapfrog. Where’s your elected by the people now?’” Ugarles funny.) Al Gore’s silence is deafening at this point. She’s behind in Texas and her razor thin lead in Ohio is evaporating. And now her 3 a.m. ad shows that she’s officially lost the plot. That ad isn’t going to win her this election…it’s a Democratic primary, she’s not going to scare tactic Texas and Ohio dems into voting for her. However, if she doesn’t recognize that the McCain campaign will be replaying that ad nonstop in the general, she’s got her big ass cheeks up her big ass cheeks. And independents and republicans are much easier to scare. I wanted her to win this. I still do, but if she doesn’t, she would have done damage to Obama that was unnecessary and frankly, unforgiveable if he loses to McCain in the general.

“No, we just grew apart. I stayed normal and she went crazy.” - dude at Subway.

It reminded me of a T-shirt I saw in Playa del Carmen:

“Better to have loved and lost than to spend the rest of your life with that asshole.”

No one wants to hear comedians talk about their heartbreak. It’s like shut the hell up already. But my story is different. See, with heartbreak, that means you at least have a heart. It’s broken, but you got it back. My girl was different. When I met her, I had my guard up and was all protecting myself and she said “there’s no need for that….I love you thiiiiisss much.” So, I said, okay, and let my guard down. She totally ripped my heart out of my chest and used it as a doorstop. No, no…actually, she starts fucking this other guy and they need a condom and she’s says “here!” Takes my heart out and he uses it as a condom to fuck my girl with.

That’s a burn about a burn…that’s a second degree burn! -Kelso