Clareified

Jake: Life’s too short to go to a job you hate.
Me: On the other hand, life’s too long to be poor.

Me: I don’t think I’d enjoy golf. There are too many things you have to practice and learn and I like to have immediate success.
Jake: Well, I didn’t really learn until I retired.
Me: I’m retired too.
Jake: Oh yeah, I always forget that you and I are pretty much the same.

I went to the Liberace museum in Vegas today! The cars! The rings! The hot pants!! I need cape buying money and quick!

Dear Blackberry,

Hey, thanks for that nifty icon that is clearly marked “Turn device off.” It is super helpful in quickly locating the off switch. Now, if that icon would also actually turn the device off…well, that’d just be the cat’s meow.
Sarcastically,

Dawn

Lame. Everybody wins? What is this, the special Olympics?

“Boo!”
“Jaysus Christ”
“Fucking McNabb!”
“That’s anothe minus two points”
“Fuck!”
“Yes, Dawn, I saw the Bengals score, thanks for pointing it out again, though.”
“Don’t jinx it!”
“Fuck!” (I think I jinxed it)
“I made a knot with my hair!”
“At least we’re getting free food…that is my silver lining in a cloudy cloudy day”
“Remon. Everything is remon”
Me: I hate the Giants
CK: Me too
Me: Me three! I hate them twice.
“I should have made your comped lunch dependent on whether you were rooting for the eagles…torment me, No appetizers for you!”
“Ah-ya!”
“How do you not catch *that* it hit you right in the numbers!! I could have caught that!”
“This is retardo football”
Me; Why don’t they go for it?
CK: Because if they miss, Bengals score a field goal.
Me: Why do you assume they’ll miss. Don’t you have any faith in your team?
CK: I know my team.
“Bullshit!”

So, I had to borrow a suitcase for my trip. That is to say, my luggage did not consist of my usual (unique and thus easily recognizable) baggage - a bright pink duffel bag or my neon and yellow knapsack- well, I do have the pink duffel bag with me, but also the borrowed suitcase…the borrowed suitcase which I thought was black. Yeah, you see where this story is going, but it gets worse. Not only have I checked my not black borrowed luggage, but I have also packed a borrowed not black luggage full of all new clothes. Newish. Ish. So, there I am watching the luggage come around the carosel, waiting, in vain, for my black bag to come off. Doo doo doo, where is that black bag. La la la black bag banananana fo fanana black bag. Nothing. Well, not nothing, there is a green bag that I’ve seen a bunch of times. Okay, I think, maybe that’s mine. I lift it off, but I’m still not sure. I open it up and I’m like “whoops, definitely not mine.” So I put it back and waited. Nothing new was coming, so I went to the agent and said my bag was lost. He asked me for my ticket and went to look at the bags that were left.
“Ma’am, this bag here matches your ticket,” he says wheeling the rejected green bag over to me.
“Um…”
I open the bag again and start really looking at the stuff inside. D’oh. Yeah, that is * my* Blogs for Bush t-shirt and black suit.
“Uh…yep, this is me! It’s a new bag and I didn’t want to just rifle through it, you know?” I said laughing nervously.
“Happens more often than you’d think,” he said walking away.
Pshaw. What he does,’t know is that I think that this happens to EVERYONE all the time!
So’s his face.

“When you hang with the Jakes, you live the high life.” -Jake

I’m off to the get some rest in the West. Let’s go whoever is playing the Cowboys, the Bills and the Eagles. Unless it is the Giants, in which case I’ll be rooting for career ending injuries.

Peace out:

I currently have two guests on Clareified…one from Australia and the other from Kuala Lumpur! Kuala Lumpur!

“I don’t trust that Homer Simpson, he’s the rare combination of up to something and good for nothing” -Patti or Selma.