And now my header disappeared again! *throws all the throwable things*
Archive for the 'Personal' Category
Spommers are the worst. I’m voting for the first political party to add cyberterrorism to the list of capital offenses. I swear I’ve been trying to revive my blog. But every time I try to post, wordpress is under attack. All hail and gratitude to Mary and her elves for getting me through the worst of it AND letting me know that I can ask my host people to fix things. They’ve been most helpful these past few days. Wow. This might be the least interesting thing I’ve ever written. I think I gotta post some nudes of the True Blood cast to make up for it. smiley face
I had a whole 2014 blog resurgence plan, but WordPress is not cooperating. I try to login, but all I see I a stupid white box and it won’t let me do anything. Cry.
I’ve got my friends looking into a fix, but may have to hire a wordpress guru and just fix everything wrong with this blog at once. Anyone have any recommendations on how to find one? On a lower lower middle class salary!
You can’t even really tell from that photo, but baby Rose is THEEE mostest gorgeousest person on the planet. AND this year’s Clareified person of the year.
I want to say it’s because she was born in 2013, but I’m not sure, nobody told me when she was born cause I’m not important and nobody likes me (insert downcast eyes and shuffling feet) so I didn’t find out till my once a year Facebook login and I didn’t get to meet her till around August.
But no matter, she is like the perfectest person!
Totally smart and curious and kind, she didn’t even cry during my whole visit, and babies HATE me! Plus, she’s still little enough that she let me put a Mets cap on her head AND take a picture! (Of course, she then promptly took it off… toldya, smart!)
So, for being the highlight of a cruddy summer and making me laugh with her misadventures on the playmat, Rose is totes magotes the Clareified POTY.
Happy New Year, everybody! I wish you health, happiness and hope in 2014!
Yesterday, I was at Dawn 2′s birthday gathering for her 29th, 29th birthday —wait… that’s not right — anyway, so it was Patriots sunday, but I was on the road headed to New Jersey.
Thankfully, I have paid an undisclosed amount of money to be able to watch Patriots games on my phone. Of course, we were losing to the hapless Cleveland Browns, so I wasn’t feeling very thankful. I listened as drive after Patriots drive was stalled by the Browns defense. I heard Rob Gronkowski sustain a leg shattering injury and looked down (at a red light for a milisecond, officer) to see him carted off the field to a standing ovation.
And then the Patriots finally scored a touchdown and opted to go for the two point conversion instead of just kicking the easy PAT. I was annoyed. So I was complaining to Alceste. Then with two minutes left in the game, we’re down by 12. And suddenly, Brady is completing every pass and they score an easy touchdown.
“BAH! WHO CARES AT THIS POINT?!” I whine. STOOPID BROWNS!
“Ooh la di da, now they’re gonna try to get a possession from the on-side kick. The TV stat box says the Patriots haven’t recovered an on-side kick since 1994. I roll my eyes. My eyes, still midroll, do not really see the play. Alceste says the Patriots recover. I think he’s mocking me.
I look at the TV. Play is under review! Sure, enough the Patriots did recover it!
I won’t go into further details, but the Patriots came back to win their third game in a row after trailing at the half.
I feel like the universe is telling me not quit. But I’m going to need to see 7 more Patriots wins like this to really believe it. *whistles*
I’m not great about fixing things. And by “not great,” I pretty much mean I’m awful about it. Once a thing stops working, I chuck it in the back of a closet somewhere and buy a new one.
I feel like there might be a story about how my lamp stopped working, so I bought a new one and then when my friend came to assemble the new one, he noticed that the old one wasn’t broken, the bulb had just burned out.
However, I’m only 92% sure that happened, and I’m terrible at math and boy, does that story make me sound like a grade A jabroni, so, let’s say that never happened. (Shut up, Fischel.) (Okay, I might now be 96% sure that happened. *whistles*)
Anyway, so the lamp was absolutely definitely probably not at all broken, and I quickly replaced it. I needed light, it wasn’t giving me any, end of story. Lamp, dumpster; dumpster lamp.
When my transmission went kaput, I bought a new car.
Repairs? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
I do admire the handy types though. The ones with a tool box, a light touch and elbow grease. They bring the dead things back to life; they see opportunity in the trash pile.
I found this sitting in my draft folder. Empty. What the hell Past Dawn Summers. What. The. Hell???
hello, horrible 5 train and 55 minute commute. Take it away Savage Garden…
Have a good weekend.
Should I worry that I haven’t seen ANY of the summer blockbusters? This used to be my FAVORITE time of year! But I guess with all the birthday traveling, I just haven’t had the time; but honestly, I do not have the inclination either. Superman… the giant robot thing…Wolverine…Eh… I guess I’ll wait for the DVDs. *Coco Shrugs*
The Chernobyl Diaries
I saw this movie a while ago, but when I scrolled through my past review recaps it wasn’t there. It’s a decent enough faux documentary horror flick. (Though, the premise, twenty-somethings decide to go on “an adventure tour” of a nuclear disaster site smacks of the hashtag #whitepeople.) I liked the end.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH Am I really going to review a Syfy movie starring Tara Reid and Ian Ziering called Sharknado? HAHAHAHAHAHA No.
This is a documentary about the 2010 Texas schoolboard process of updating the state’s public school textbooks. And yet, it wasn’t boring. Actually, at the point where the one guy makes a motion to “remove references to ‘hip-hop’ and replace them with ‘country and western music’ because *that* music doesn’t have a place in our schools,” I was laughing hysterically. Racism makes people insane, y’all. There was also a motion to remove the philosophies of Thomas Jefferson and insert President Obama’s middle name AND declare Ronald Reagan a national treasure. *IN TEXTBOOKS* Textbooks that students will learn from for the next decade. Oh, and I didn’t even write about the evolution “debate.” HAHAHA Spoiler… it did not go well for evolution. TAKE THAT DARWIN! WHO’S THE FITTEST NOW, BITCH? HAHAHAHHAAHHAAH Oh, Texas.
The Shawshank Redemption
“…hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” So, this entire movie is pretty much bullshit, amirite? I don’t understand why it’s so revered, I saw it once in college and promptly forgot about it, so I thought I’d missed something and decided to watch it again. Nope. It’s your standard prison fantasy. Though, I guess I don’t know anything about prison in the 50s, prisons that I got to know in the aughts are nothing like that. And Red would never have been paroled. Shrug.
Shadow of a Doubt
No clue why I rented this movie about a strange man who comes to stay with his sister’s family. It’s funny, I think Hitchcock suffers from his later successes, because I kept waiting for something terrible to happen, but nothing does till the very very end when there’s just no choice. So, I’d jump at every frame change or camera closeup and then be disappointed that nothing happened. It’s okay.
Yo, this is a creepy ass Korean vampire movie. I don’t know whose fault it is that I saw this, but I will find you and make you watch some creepy ass movie with creepy ass smiling vampires who stab people in the neck. And old stroke victim mothers who are out for revenge. Shudders. *Turns on all the lights*
The Last Stand
Oh man, Arnold Schwarzenegger, why can’t I quit you? You’re a liar, and a cheat and a Republican, and yet… I loved the last stand. There’s high speed chases and a helicopter attacks stuff and an old lady is all shooting people with a shotgun and Arnold is all “Ahm too old for dis shit” and then he like pulls the pin out of a grenade with his teeth! I can’t help it, I LIKE ASPLOSIONS!!!! *puts self on timeout*
This movie is so gotdamn pretentious. It’s like “Shadow of a Doubt” in that an uncle comes to live with his brother’s family after his brother dies, but it’s not like it because you’re just mostly rolling your eyes at the pretension. Jaysus. Terrible. Oh, it’s also like “Thirst” in that there’s a creepy ass chick stabbing people in the neck.
Won’t Back Down
Eh, I don’t think they meant to make a movie that celebrates union busting, but that’s what they did. It was alright, but the whole teacher teams up with dyslexic kid’s mom seemed contrived. I don’t care if it IS based on a real life story.
I love me some Anne Hathaway. This movie about a girl cursed with obedience but who changes the world anyway, is a tad silly, but Anne Hathaway and Matt Damon’s famously dumped ex-girlfriend, Mia Driver? Minnie Driver? Something like that, are charming. The supporting cast is terrible. Though, it’s always nice to see Westley from “The Princess Bride.”
This movie was AWESOME! I don’t know why it didn’t get at least as much traction as LA Confidential – it has that same film noir vibe about it – except the plot made sense and didn’t put me to sleep after an hour. PLUS there are black people and Mexicans! Brava, Gangster Squad, Brava. Also, Ryan Gosling is shirtless. Oh hey, and he’s paired up with Emma Stone AGAIN… Hmm… note to self, keep an eye on that Emma Stone. Grr.
This movie about Jason Bateman going to look for Mellissa McCarthy, who has stolen his identity, does all the right things to be a heartwarming comedy, but it just wasn’t heartwarming or particularly funny. This is definitely one of those movies where all the funny parts are in the trailer. I can’t quite put my finger on why it didn’t work for me, but at the end I was just kinda like “Meh.”
A Good Day to Die Hard
Wooo! All the asplosions and “too old for this shit”ness of The Last Stand without having to feel all dirty about liking the lead. I’M IN! Also, there is a shocking double double cross! *slow claps* Keep on dying hard, Mr. Willis!
The birthday season is almost over! It was super awesome as always! Kaz and Tito made me a birthday song and Notorious LIG and Vero rented friends for me, Mary gave me a beach house with free cupcakes and Grange ensured that I will spend a fortune on wine for the rest of my life because NOTHING will ever be good enough for those glasses.
I’ve also started to get my literary life in order and my friends have been so great with “offering” to “voluntarily” edit my crap. So, yay, Dawn.
But why all the Argentinian tears? Remember my awful day job? Well, somehow my project was this self contained island free of interference. We were able to use the internet and really do what we wanted absent much supervision. Do you already see where this is going?
One of my co-workers, who I call #methlady for… reasons, decides to call in the IT guy because her AOL is slow. O_o
Of course, they shut our environment the very next day. Everyone was sad. And very very angry at the stupid crackhead #methlady.
BUT THEN the black guy, who I call #blackguy cause… lazy, figures out a way to reset the settings to restore the internet. You have to do it everyday, but who cares because… internet.
Sadly, the reset works for EVERYONE except me. Sad panda.
So, for a week and a half, I’ve watched them reading their stupid department store sites and their entertainment gossip pages, while I get a hunchback and carpal tunnel from hitting refresh on my phone – which doesnt even get 4G from 9-6.
The reading this Sunday was the story of Sodom. And how God was gonna burn that whole shizz down, but Abraham was all “what if I find 50 good men”? And God was all “alright, I’ll spare the city for 50 good men.” And then Abraham was all “weelll, what about 45?” God, is like fine, forty-five. And then Abraham goes “can we say 30″? God is totally giving him the side-eye now, but goes “mmm 30. ok. I’ve got other stuff to do here, Abraham!”
But Abraham persists, going lower and lower with his good man count and keeping God from inventing television all that much sooner. Suddenly, I realize that it’s like a message! I should be happy to be the one honest man saving the project from total unproductivity.
But today as I looked from pig to man and man to pig, I thought, nuts to this! I’m going to call the IT guy about why my cracked.com doesn’t work anymore, but no one else seems to have a problem.
The roof! The roof! The roof is!