Clareified

Dehydration: (n) When the only reason you stop bawling your eyes out is because you physically are no longer able to produce tears.

Dear God…please please please please don’t let Obama pick Hillary.

Guy in a wheelchair rolls over your foot, how mad are you allowed to get? I mean he *is* in a wheelchair and you’re looking down at him while clutching your throbbing foot. You can’t very well be all “look buddy, you may not understand this, but most people have feeling in their feet so you can’t be all rolling around crunching our toes!”

The only difference between a bribe and a tip is timing.

Just because you don’t feel like driving to the Haagan Daaz franchise for strawberry cheesecake ice cream, does not mean that you should buy the pint of Ben and Jerry’s brownie cheesecake ice cream. You shouldn’t. It’s gross. No matter what Pi says.

I am not a good person. Oh man. But you know who you are, you’re worse! WORSE!
Covers face with hands.

You sounded hotter on the phone.

Disrespect is imming another person what should be said face to face. Or is that cowardice?

I am a coward.

Karol gives the worst advice, but she makes a good cookie. Even though it could have used some chocolate chips.

Hold up…I’m starting to think typing ‘I just typed ‘fuck you’ but then erased it” is still pretty much a fuck you.