Clareified

Or is everyone involved in this question the very worst of all humanity?

I watch people get flayed on twitter all the time for asking questions like “if you have a chubby, bald dark skinned baby and are looking for costume ideas, please DM me!” This really happened. I promise, she’s since deleted the tweet, but it happened. Anyway, today I had an honest-to-goodness “Do white people _______” question that I almost tweeted and then laughed at getting dragged by white twitter, so I didn’t ask it. I need to get some people. LOL.

There is no more brutal words than the ones which follow “I love you, but…”. Just fucking rip your ears off, run, knock yourself unconscious, whatever you have to do to avoid hearing that sentence’s conclusion.

You’re all gonna be sorry when I move to the moon!

I want to find Billy Joel and make him be my best friend and write songs about me and then record them and give me some of the immense profits he will earn.

Yeah, someone might have just “discovered” two “new” Billy Joel albums and is playing them nonstop. That someone is me. You remember that lady from Misery?

*whistles*

So, you know how *I* invented Taylor Tuesdays, right?

AND not so random thoughts?

Okay, good. Just checking. (And shut up, VinNay, I’m totally over it and not dwelling. You’re dwelling.)

OH, but awesome story about being a mature not dwelling adult:

I was reading twitter and I saw a link about a thing THAT I INVENTED being bandied about and when I clicked the link, I saw that I was given no credit at all.

Of course, being the mature adult that I am, I published a series of subtweets and threw a temper tantrum. But then, when I realized there is no way I could prove that I invented the thing, and well, even if I could, it’s not like it was the polio vaccine or anything, so whatever. But I was riled up and couldn’t focus, so I went downstairs to get lunch, but the deli was out of hamburgers. (Yeah, let THAT settle for a minute) NOW I’m doubly annoyed because not only did I not get credit for not inventing the polio vaccine, but now, NO hamburgers!

Anyway, I go to the bathroom, because I had decided no sense going in the office when I would soon be standing around at the deli waiting for them to grill my hamburger and I totally had to go. So, I walk into the bathroom and RIGHT ON THE FLOOR OF THE STALL IS A TWENTY DOLLAR BILL! AND SOME CHANGE!

So, the way I figure it, the universe has paid me twenty dollars for not inventing a polio vaccine!

And now I’m over it and shan’t speak of it again.

*throws stapler*

(ALSO INVENTED BY ME!) #RUUUUDDDEEEE (That I may have stolen from Stephanie on Full House)

Kashi stopped making my favoritest cereal. I’ve been buying the last of the boxes on amazon for the ridiculous price of $11 per box plus shipping. I just saw an offer on amazon for a carton of the stuff: 144 boxes for $900. That is crazy, yes? One should not purchase 144 boxes of cereal, right? Not under any circumstances…cause where would one keep 144 boxes of cereal…would one continue to want said cereal after eating the fortieth box?

Why am I looking up bread making machines on Amazon? *Headdesk*

How do I NOT have a racism tag blog category?

I REBUKE ALL OF YOU AND YOUR BOYCOTTING OF *MY* TAYLOR TUESDAYS, BUT THE COMMENTING ON VINNAY’S TAYLOR TUESDAYS! NOW I HAVE TO HEAR “HAHAHA I GOT MORE COMMENTS ON ONE OF MY TAYLOR TUESDAYS THAN YOU GOT ON ALL OF YOURS COMBINED.”

I’M PUTTING ALL OF YOU ON THE LIST!

*Glares*

And, I’m telling President Obama.