A guy at my work who has known me all of six months told me about it!
THE REST OF YOU TRIED TO HIDE IT FROM ME!!! #RUDE #RACES AND NOW YOU’RE ALL ON THE LIST!
Cause that’s kinda my thing now.
…
From Prada to Nada
This movie is On the WaterFront* and The never Ending story* AND Wrath of Khan* all rolled into one, BUT WITH MEXICAN-AMERICAN GIRLS! Their father dies and they discover he was broke all along! Their evil sister in law convinces their brother to buy the house and kicks the girls out into the street. They move in with their aunt in East LA, even though they don’t speak Spanish or eat carbs! Ai Ya Yi! Then their aunt sells their Prada bag. Leaving them with nada. Whoops…was that a spoiler? Balls.
Prom
I never went to my prom. So I don’t know how true to life this Disney rendition is, but Julie Taylor has to go to prom alone, so… yeah, I call bullshit. It was cute though. Predictable down to the last musical montage, but cute. Oh, but the black girl does end up alone, so that’s true.
* Author has never seen any of these movies.
The first came and went and I didn’t do a movie round-up and no one noticed.
SOB.
Yes, I’ve seen “The Help.”
I’ve seen “The Help” my entire life.
I saw “The Help” when Whoopi Goldberg was in it with Ray Liotta and I saw “The Help” when Whoopi Goldberg was in it with Doogie Howser M.D. The good white people who treat their coloreds just *like* they were people! And the coloreds sho does loves the chillren too.
Lawd, chile.
VO. MIT.
No doubt I’ll see “The Help 2011.” I watch a lot of movies. It’s a thing with me, but I saw some tweets today, from a woman I actually know in real life and have always had a pleasant online rapport with, that pissed me the FUCK off.
And I quote:
I’m more than a little sad & annoyed @ how The Help is being demonized by people w/an ax to grind & overlooking ANY of its other themes.
Dude.
DUUUUUDDEEEEEE!!! What do you mean “you people”? Er…I mean, people. O_o
Last winter, a white friend of mine, used the phrase “black chip on her shoulder” to dismiss the criticisms a black friend of mine had about a popular British sci-fi show.
GAAWWWDD, you negroes are always complaining about SOMETHING! The Oscars don’t nominate any black people? You complain. We make a hackneyed movie about stereotypical “mammies” in the 60s who are saved by the earnest “good white folk,” a flick GUARANTEED to get nominated, you complain. Jaysus what is it with you people and your axes and chips?!
And I guess since I brought it up, I will tell you. Here’s the problem: the po black folk who need savin’ are the only movies mainstream Hollywood ever tells. I wonder whether the woman who is all saddened by the black people with their axe grinding has seen any other film this year with more than three lead black characters. (And listen, don’t get me started on those movies, but if “The Help” is your *only* “black film” I side-eye you and hard.)
Also, in an environment where leading Republican candidates for President of the United States of America are signing statements that explicitly say that black children were BETTER OFF in slavery, it is up to leading academics, historians and journalists — of ALL RACES — to cut the knees out from under ANY dramatization of slavery or Jim Crow era “stories” that romanticize the degradation of black Americans.
The help didn’t clean houses and wipe the snot of white children because that shit was fun. They did it because that was ALL they were ALLOWED to do. Can you imagine a world where your mother, your grandmother and your daughter ALL had the SAME fate… keeping someone else’s household together for pennies? Cooking food that you’re not allowed to eat for people who you can’t sit next to on the bus? Miss me with the “oh, but these whites were different.” The “different” whites were the ones killed for protesting WITH black people. Just sayin.
And then there’s the white washing of the reality of being a domestic… I can’t for a SECOND imagine a movie being made, about say 1930s Germany, where the gist is that the Jews decided to leave Berlin and all move in together in the Polish countryside. Where, though they had to wear certain clothing and get fun tattoos, they managed to strike up a friendly camaraderie with the German guards and they’d play cards together and give the kind-hearted “good Nazis” advice on child rearing.
FUCK.
OUTTA.
HERE.
And you know what, if they MADE that movie AND I saw it AND LOVED IT, no way IN HELL would I tell Holocaust survivors or their descendants to shut up when they complained that the movie didn’t track with their reality. I would fall the hell back because dude, DUUUUUDDDDEEEEEE.
ARRRGGGGHHHH.
Okay, I’m done. DONE. Just. DONE.
So, I reviewed a bunch of movies:
Captain America
I took @VinNay to this movie for his birthday because he refused to watch Dune with me. We both fell asleep during the movie, though at different parts. This movie was fine, I guess. I just don’t like the notion that “Captain America” won World War 2. America won World War 2. (Shut it. I will fight you.) Like, if they make some movie where Sam Jackson’s eyepatch guy frees the slaves…um…actually, I might go see that… *whistles*
The Rite
This movie is what can only be described as “Catholic Porn.” Anthony Hopkins is a priest who does exorcisms and an unbeliever seminary student from America is assigned to shadow him. Of course, the student thinks the old man is faking the exorcisms, but then when the old man himself becomes possessed it will be up to the young man to find his faith and vanquish the demon! “I believe in the devil, so I BELIEVE IN GOD!” Cheesy, sure. Effective, hell yes. My ass was in church the next morning for the first time this year. Also, I didn’t just say hell. And I definitely didn’t say it two times.
I love you Phillip MorrisI rented this movie from the store in a predominately Italian-American neighborhood in Brooklyn. I was wearing a Patriots T-shirt and the clerk goes “Tom Brady can lick my balls.” Um…and then, a few seconds later, as he takes the movies from my arms, he goes “You don’t want to watch this movie,” he says holding up the box, with Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor on the front, by its edges lest he catch the AIDS “It’s all faggy homo stuff. Disgusting.” Now, there are a hundred and one clever responses to both these statements that I have since come up with, but at the time what I said was “That’s okay. I’ll still take it.” Sure enough, the movie is a romantic comedy about two inmates who meet in prison. It’s also part that movie with Leo DiCaprio where he steals a pilot’s uniform and is walking through the airport with a bunch of stewardesses even though he’s like a teenager. (Oh, you guys are so gonna miss these reviews, aren’t you?! AREN’T YOU?) Jim Carrey is pretty good in this. So is Ewan. I liked it, but I have to admit, if this movie were about a man and a woman, I would have thought it was cheesy. So, it might just be my impulse to not be heterosexist that makes me like it. You know, like how white people give Academy Award nominations to crap like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon or Amistad just not seem racisty.