Clareified

Oh, for those of you wondering, the last post has nothing to do with me staring down the reality of a Yankees/Phillies matchup. Although, all morning I have been enjoying the banter of my fellow Mets fans making their peace with one camp or the other. The stalwart Mets fan deciding that back to back championships would make Philly fans too unbearably cocky, so he’d rather root root root for the home team. Another diehard blue and oranger reasoned that he’d rather watch Yankees fans suffer the humiliation of getting to the World Series and losing for the second time this decade, so he’s donning the proverbial red cap.
I however, nicely summed up my views in the following e-mail:

Tsk, tsk. My fellow Mets fans, you all think too small.
We hate the Yankees.
We hate the Phillies.
Why torture yourselves with questions of which hatred is stronger, which rooting will cause less vomiting and face meltage? As someone who has unfortunately had a recent experience with horrible unthinkable sports impossibilities coming true, I present you with eleven words that will change your life. Are you sitting down? 2009 is the year the World Series of Baseball was canceled.
It’s true. Happened to the Superbowl a couple of years ago. These are freaky occurrences, no one has any control over them, but you shrug your shoulders and move on…be it to hockey or basketball or football or…scotch.
Mets ’10!

Reason number 2 why Dawn Summers is so awesome: she does not accept reality as it is, she bends reality to what it should be.

Go Riots!

So, this is supposed to be a burn, I guess, but I don’t get it. Explain it to me so I can be appropriately enraged.

So, um, you know how when a pitcher is on pace to have a perfect game? (Yeah, no, obviously not one of *our* pitchers, stop being silly. But you know what I mean.) Okay, so he’s all on pace and when he gets back to the dugout after pitching everyone leaves him alone and shuts the hell up about it?
Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna need from you guys right now. A big steaming cup of shut-the-hell-up-before-you-spook-them-and-they-start-losing-again-and-I-have-to-kill-you.

Please and thank you.

Thank God for the Nationals.

do you ever sleep, or do you twitter in your dreams? -Gay Train

For those of you who refuse to take the ride down the rabbit hole, here for your reading pleasure — the Dawn Summers tweets that can’t be beat…this week! (Shamelessly stolen from Conan):

*watching a grown man write his name on the brown bag lunch he’s about to put in the refrigerator. #Fail

*so tempted to write my name on his brown bag too. “Oh, I thought we were all signing lunches today! Sorry.” #Fail

*Want to eat lunch of guy who writes name on his brown bag every morning. Him: That’s mine! Me: I don’t see your name on it. Oh. Mah bad

*just paid $1.94 for 12oz of OJ at McCafe beause Duane Reade was closed. That’s the price of half a gallon. You win this one Ronald McDonald.

*Obama to Eliot Spitzer: I called your office to get your opinion on my finance plan, but they said you resigned after doing it with hookers

*Has to do two years worth of CLE classes by her birthday in 3 weeks. Life, you have just made a very powerless enemy! #fistshake

*Since you asked, CLE is the universe’s way of punishing lawyers for things like suing for too hot coffee. #beingalawyersux #karma

*Is currently listening to a CLE class on fighting traffic tickets in NYC. Stay tuned. #crapImayactuallybeabletouse

*”Tough to beat the lasers!” Damn robots.

*My takeaway from this ‘fighting traffic tickets’ class? I need to become an adminstrative law judge in traffic court. #cake

*has now fully continued to be legally educated. See you same time in ’11.

*Approval for Republican Party below 30%…huh, there’s still a Republican party!

*Do I want to know if the pilot of my plane dies midflight? No #statingtheobvious

*If I had 8 kids at once and ran out of names for them, I would name them after word verification codes on my favorite blogs. Hi mollyako!

*How about that? This is my 1776th tweet! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! #DownwithEngland #Don’ttreadonme #AlexHamiltonishawt #benedictarnoldsux

*wonders if she would have rolled her eyes at revolutionaries spreading anti King George pamphlets. “Ugh, again with this, Thomas Paine?”

*There are enough holes in Paul Blart: Mall Cop to drive Kevin James through

*just put Eddie Murphy’s “Meet Dave” into DVD player. Fully understand that I deserve whatever happens next

And the tweet of the week that really can’t be beat:

*God invented the Patriots because he made me a Mets fan #iftheMetsblowonemore9thinningleadtheywillbetheMets

If you can catch a fly ball I have a job for you. -KJ

Wishes the Mets hadn’t lost to Philly, AGAIN. So that she could have posted her “what’s pinstriped and always loses to the Red Sox” not so random question.

“Sexy Can I?”

First place team says “what up!”

Stupid losers who lose. Go National League!