Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for the 'Dire Warnings' Category

Why does the New York Times hate Jesus, America and babies?

Friday, October 25th, 2013 by Dawn Summers

And fun.

Vengeful and furious anger

Friday, July 27th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

Lightning strikes church, knocking scaffolding off roof on sole guy walking below. I mean… DYYYAAAMMMM

Good thing I didn’t buy 144 boxes

Wednesday, April 25th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

Kashi cereals contain pesticides Maybe I’ll sue… though I suppose the chocolate donut I had for breakfast this morning isn’t all that much healthier.

Brill

Wednesday, March 21st, 2012 by Dawn Summers

Read the whole thing. No, seriously, the end is made all the more awesome if you read every line in between it and these:

You know what I hate? Flowers. I was at a dinner party recently when the conversation turned to gardening; the warm winter has people anxious to begin planting, and with spring, the beloved “Season of Birth,” just around the corner, my friend Allison (she’s not really my friend) expressed concern that the petunias around her home’s foundation would once again fail to thrive.

via Snaps

Solar Flares 2012

Thursday, March 8th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

OH. MY. GAWD!

WE’RE GOING TO DIE! JUST LIKE ALCESTE WARNED THREE YEARS AGO!!

OH NO! A Flare just came through the window! I’m hit! I’m down!

Daaammnnnn yyyyouuuu sssuuuunnnn.

BALLS!

Thursday, February 16th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

NOW, what am I going to get VinNay for his birthday?

Text Exchange of December

Monday, December 5th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

Vinnay (3 PM): You’re giving yourself bad luck by ignoring me.
Vinnay (4:30 PM): A courtesy wave would all but guarantee a double up.

(Two hours of the worst cards ever held by a poker player in the history of the game EVER, later…)

Me (6:39 PM): Fine. *wave* Now, give me aces.
Me (6:41 PM): HOLY SHIT, VINNAY! I just got queens!

(I went on to take fourth place in the tournament. This morning when I went to the bank to deposit my winnings. It’s one of those Citibank machines where you just push the cash in the slot — no envelope, no slip, no nothing — I put the money, the machine starts whirring and then it spit this out:

image

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! I was telling my co-worker that this is the single most annoying slip of paper I have EVER received! “I’M SORRY?” Yeah, I took your cash, won’t give it back, there’s now NO record of you ever having given me any cash, but you know, “My bad! Have a nice day!”

I would respect Citibank more if the slip just said “Fuck you!”

So, I am now resuming my hostilities with Vinnay until my cash is either returned to me or credited to my account.

Happy (early) birthday to Mama Clare

Friday, August 12th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

However, under no circumstances am I taking you anywhere near Red Lobster tomorrow.

See?

Wednesday, August 10th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

Told ya August sucks.

God hates having to repeat himself…

Sunday, June 26th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

But he WILL!