Clareified

Vinnay (3 PM): You’re giving yourself bad luck by ignoring me.
Vinnay (4:30 PM): A courtesy wave would all but guarantee a double up.

(Two hours of the worst cards ever held by a poker player in the history of the game EVER, later…)

Me (6:39 PM): Fine. *wave* Now, give me aces.
Me (6:41 PM): HOLY SHIT, VINNAY! I just got queens!

(I went on to take fourth place in the tournament. This morning when I went to the bank to deposit my winnings. It’s one of those Citibank machines where you just push the cash in the slot — no envelope, no slip, no nothing — I put the money, the machine starts whirring and then it spit this out:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! I was telling my co-worker that this is the single most annoying slip of paper I have EVER received! “I’M SORRY?” Yeah, I took your cash, won’t give it back, there’s now NO record of you ever having given me any cash, but you know, “My bad! Have a nice day!”

I would respect Citibank more if the slip just said “Fuck you!”

So, I am now resuming my hostilities with Vinnay until my cash is either returned to me or credited to my account.

However, under no circumstances am I taking you anywhere near Red Lobster tomorrow.

Told ya August sucks.

But he WILL!

“You are very stabby these days.” – Alceste

#RUDE Also #LIES Everyone knows I am sweetness and light. AND!

I’m pretty sure if I don’t get a new 55 inch flatscreen TV, an XBOX 360 with Kinect, a new laptop and a Verizon ipad, I will DIE.

Also Rangers tickets and a Rangers Heritage jersey.

And apparently, Mary will laugh.

THEY SELL VUVUZUELAS ON AMAZON.COM!! LIKE WHERE I COULD BUY THEM!

WHERE I COULD BUY THEM AND BRING THEM ON A PLANE TO A CERTAIN DECEMBER GATHERING.

Oh, it’s ON. ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!

I DARE ANYONE TO KNOCK ME OUT! DAARRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE.

AND IT’S ON MY LIST!

No one is hereafter allowed to send Dawn Summers cupcakes, candy or cookies. She is only allowed fruits, vegetables and damn hell ass exercise videos. That is all.

You don’t even want to KNOW how loud I screamed. Seriously. DON’T CLICK THIS.

And DEFINITELY DON’T email it to the most easily scared person that you know who lives alone! JERKFACE!!!

DDEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAADDD!