Alceste: Someday you’ll have your own Upper West Side penthouse and garage for all your cars.
Me: When I learn how to turn invisible and knock over banks?
Alceste: No. When you’re a world famous author.
Me: Really?!
Alceste: Mmmm…okay, no. When you learn how to turn invisible and knock over banks.
And that is why he is the new assface.
Me: How did R Kelly get off?
Ugarles: I don’t know, but it killed Tim Russert.
Jordan: Have you guys heard of the racial slur ‘porkchop’? It apparently refers to a Puerto Rican or a Portguese person, but I don’t know which. I’d hate to be in a fight with a Puerto Rican and yell out ‘porkchop’ and have them just drool on me.
Sun: Dawn, you’re the only person I know who beats themselves up for doing the right thing.
Me: Well, I’m supposed to know better.
Alceste: He was probably just jealous. He was feeling replaced…I, on the other hand, feel hungry.
Me: That’s an entirely different emotion.
Alceste: I only have three: anger, hunger and fear.
Me: What about love or happiness?
Alceste: Those are just the absence of anger.
Priest: They say a people is only as strong as the body of their leader.
President Roslin: So, you’re saying that humanity died because I died? If you’re my subconscious I’d say you’re a little full of myself.
Alceste: You’re both twelve.
Me: No way! I said ’sorry,’ at least I apologized.
Alceste: Fine, you’re an older twelve.
Me: I’m thirteen.
Me(2:14:12 PM): I am eating key lime pie!
G-train (2:14:37 PM): Nice. In some ways, you are so easy to satisfy.
Me (2:14:54 PM): and yet — everyone pisses me off
G-train (2:15:05 PM): that’s because in most ways, you’re a total bitch to satisfy.
Me: I don’t like people who aren’t self aware.
Karol: You could end that sentence at the word people.
Jamie: I sliced open the bagel and my thumb.
Me:Ewww…what did you do with the knife?
Jamie: What? I washed it…what are you afraid you’re going to catch something?
Jesse: We know how much action you get, man, so we’re not worried about STDs.