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Where does the good go

Archive for the 'Audience Participation Weekend' Category

WWJD

Tuesday, June 11th, 2013 by Dawn Summers

I have a phone I hate.

It’s glitchy and horrible and dumb and I hate it. However, I have a service that I like. 4G coverage, unlimited data, usually works yadayadda.

So, do I buy the phone I want for $759 and keep my service the same? (I’m pretty sure the answer to this is no.)

Do I buy the phone I want for $199 and surrender unlimited data? This feels like letting Verizon blackmail me without consequence. It offends my sense of justice.

Do I buy the phone I want for $199 and switch to ATT or Sprint, which I know has worse coverage? Probably not a big issue so long as I’m in NYC, but may come back to haunt me on my planned road trip through the south this winter.

Do I replace this stoopid hated glitchy phone I have now by using insurance and paying a $100 deductible for the same stoopid hated probably still glitchy phone because Verizon claims that the scratches on the phone have invalidated the warranty? (They made a similar claim invalidating my warranty when my Droid X got bricked by their stoopid ice cream update two years ago. I hate them SOOO much, yet I know they have the best coverage in America. ARRGGHHH.)

AAANNNDDD GGOO!

FYI (Is it inane comment Friday yet?)

Thursday, September 9th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

Mary and I are doing a race around Denver. I will be on a segway, she will be on a bike.

We are filming it and submitting it as our audition tape for the Amazing race. However, neither of us has ever seen the Amazing Race, so will we also need to throw in a food fight or something?

Pulp Fiction Tuesday is BACK! (by guest blogger Ugarles)

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

There is a reason Clareified has Pulp Fiction Tuesdays: Pulp Fiction is an excellent movie. It has plenty of great scenes. It has some amazing acting performances. It has memorable, quotable lines. Sadly, it will never be considered a perfect movie. There are a few reasons for this too, but I’ve already spent too much time masturbating through this opening paragraph. Pulp Fiction will, primarily, never be a perfect movie because Quentin Tarantino didn’t have someone powerful enough tell him that he shouldn’t be acting in movies.

It was a lesson that should have been learned in Reservoir Dogs. The opening scene in the diner is made memorable by Steve Buscemi’s Randian rant about waitresses, tipping and charity. It is almost made completely forgettable – and it is understandable if you’ve never seen Buscemi or the rest of the movie because of this – because it opens with Tarantino slogging through a profane reinterpretation of Like A Virgin. It isn’t that his thesis is without merit – and it is without merit – it is that he says it about as smoothly as an ESL student reading off of cue cards while chewing gum. Tarantino saves the movie by promptly having Mr. Brown killed off before he can do further damage. But this is not Reservoir Dogs Tuesdays and we return to our regular programming.

Not only did Tarantino not learn the lesson that he should never, ever act in a movie, he gave himself a part in Pulp Fiction and he doesn’t quickly kill himself off. He treats us to even more mealy-mouthed dialog and this time, as a bonus, throws in a spectacularly racist scene and throws a lot of smoke and mirrors around in the hopes that we won’t notice. I speak of course, of The Bonnie Situation or, more to the point, “dead nigger storage.”

This is an appallingly bad scene. It starts out with Samuel L. Jackson seeming to act poorly – though I’d chalk that up to Jules failing to act like kissing Jimmy’s ass comes naturally to him. But Jules doesn’t talk for very long. He is cut off by Jimmy, ranting with ferret-faced fury about “the dead nigger in the garage.”

Now.

I know that Jules is not happy that his friend is dead. I know that Jules is not happy that he had to come to Jimmy for help. I also know that Jules would have shot Jimmy dead and let the cops deal with Bonnie and sort out the two dead bodies at Jimmy’s house before he’d allow Jimmy to throw around the n-word without repercussions. So why does this scene exist?

1) To show how down he is with black people. Not only is Jimmy Jules’ friend, Jimmy’s wife is black. He is so down, that he can use the n-word like he’s black himself.

2) So that he can say the word nigger a dozen times, right in Samuel L. Jackson’s face without getting the beat-down that he deserves. This is the kind of ironic hipster racism that makes it understandable that the very, very liberal alt-comic scene is also pretty fucking white.

I might be able to forgive the racism as insight into the characters, but, you know what? It isn’t even a particularly well-written scene.

Formspring

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

My elf refuses to post for me anymore on the grounds that “I don’t feel like blogging” is not the same as an inability to blog. I vehemently objected. However, the lack of posts yesterday indicates that while my objection was duly noted, I evidently can suck in.
*Deep breath*
So, we’ll know whatever there is to know on Wednesday. But I’ve really got nothing to blog about, so feel free to 1. Entertain yourselves 2. Ask me fun and clever questions. Especially math questions. I am awesome at math questions! Just ask Alceste, I was adding and multiplying in MY HEAD a couple of days ago. In. My. Head!
Also, you can ask me about beating Kearns at text messaging. I am very good at that too. Curiosity something something.

Audience Participation

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

I’m going to need you guys to send me links to stories about heinous crimes committed by men named Joaquin. (Yes, reviews of “Two Lovers” DEFINITELY count) Extra points if the heinous criminal admits to having commit these crimes because obviously his own parents didn’t love him enough NOT to saddle him with the name Joaquin!

And…Go!

What’s more awesome?

Sunday, November 29th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

Riding a motorcycle or flying in a helicopter?

Thanks Jamie!

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

Jamie sent me a gift for absolutely no reason whatsoever!

Okay, so it’s cute and awesome and clever, but there are no instructions and I put the batteries in and I can’t figure out how to make it work…and my electrical engineer is MIA again! (I will get my barbecue, woman!) So, who’s gonna figure this out using the picture and my comment section?

jamie

I wanna play with it!!

#pout #helplessgirl

P.S. The Summersphere very much likes presents for absolutely no reason. Like this or this.

Hee. Class dismissed. :)

UPDATE:

Took it to the experts at the Comedy game and the verdict is in: Broken.
Now is when someone who is not me says “well, it’s the thought that counts.”
Someone who is me now hates stupid Jamie because it turns out I absolutely do need a slot machine drink dispenser!
Holds breath.

Audience Participation Tuesday

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

Are the things yelled in anger the truth or distortions designed to hurt?

I tend to be silent when I’m angry, mostly for fear of saying the things I could never take back because they would ring so damningly true. And it’s the things said to me in anger that I’ll hold onto the longest. I mean, I tend to remember most things said to me, but shit said to me in anger? That I try to forget so hard, it ends up burned into my head verbatim.

Yup, good morning rainy day in New York! You’re just going to be awesome today, I can feel it!

:/

Open thread

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009 by Dawn Summers

Hello, my lovelies, we have a rather busy day today, but, well, we still want comments to read on our breaks.

So what’s on yer minds? Zac Efron? Tom Brady? The awesomeness of Dawn Summers? Why the Jakes are off touring the world but have left their favorite daughter (ME!) behind?

Where in the world is Kaz with my birthday barbecue?

Discuss away! Be amusing and wonderful!

Xoxo

Dawn

Audience Participation Weekend

Friday, September 11th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

So what are fun ways to prove you’re not drunk? (Con’t from comment section on Not So Random Question post below)