Clareified

Where does the good go

Moviember

Ugh. Not to be confused with that Movember thing where savages walk around with hairy faces like cave people. Gross. You get running water, electricity and flat screen TVs, in exchange you shave your face. THAT IS CIVILIZATION, PEOPLE!!!

Okay, rant over, movie time!

It’s the holidays and stuff, so I planned to focus on a central theme like horror movies for Halloween or family movies for Thanksgiving. But, like always, I then remembered I’m terrible at plans and/or follow through, so we just watched a bunch of random films. Oh, I did manage to see a Jason Statham movie every Friday. Cause Friday is my shooty movies day because… brain something something. (Sorry, writing these on Friday and words are hard. Not a good day to start NanoMoSomething, but start it I will anyway! Crap. Where was I?) Hmm… can I review the Jason Statham movie I just finished because technically, it was a November movie? Eh, if you don’t tell, I won’t ask. That’s not how that goes.

Sigh.

Hashtag Friday Brain.

Redemption
Jason Statham! Friday. You know what? There wasn’t that much shooting in this one. He plays a rogue British special ops guy who was ambushed in Afghanistan and killed a bunch of civilians in retaliation. Now he’s on the run from MI5 or 6 or Interpol or whatever. He’s hiding as a bum and befriends a runaway girl. But the girl gets taken in by pimps, so then he breaks into an apartment and steals that guys identity and then he becomes a hitman… um, and he makes out with a nun from the homeless shelter. Okay, okay I’m not explaining this right. Jason Statham. There are scenes where he’s shirtless. Moving on.

Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds
I liked this movie. I confess I accidentally clicked on it before I saw the Tyler Perry brand and didn’t turn it off when I saw his stupid face cause I figured I hadn’t shat all over a Tyler Perry movie in a while. But hey, it turns out he’s not always a repulsive sexist buffoon. Though, there were sexist buffoonish elements to this movie about a rich man who falls in love with the single mom janitor and quits his job to move to Africa with her. (Seriously, “Africa.” The camera pans on the boarding passes he gives her and it says “Africa 2:00 PM” I laughed.)

Take This Waltz
Okay, this is one of those movies that I can’t in good conscience tell anyone to watch cause, it IS weird… but it’s interesting. At first brush, this movie starring Michelle Williams seems like your typical annoying flighty girl meets boy movie. (“I’m afraid of being afraid” is sample dialogue from the first twenty minutes, during which she pretends to be wheelchair bound AND a tour guide.) And after you watch it, you will want to hunt down @astinto and lock him away in a dark, damp place with fire breathing bees coated in peanut oil as his only company. But, then you suddenly realize the whole movie basically tracks this chick on a love bender and you decide that’s kind of funny. Plus, bonus points for creative use of “video killed the radio star” outside of a trivia context.

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