Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for November, 2013

Interesting read

Thursday, November 14th, 2013 by Dawn Summers

A whole story about what (mostly) visitors from other countries find surprising about (mostly) America.

(I do believe there’s an entry from Jamie Moreno about Canada and another lady about Toronto. Dude. Two different countries.)

Here it is. My favorite is the one about the country where there’s no such thing as dog food. I think of all the “surprises,” this might be the only one I might be ashamed of… but not even really. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! (What? We pledge allegiance in day care! Whatdya expect?)

Stuff in my head

Thursday, November 14th, 2013 by Dawn Summers

I’m not great about fixing things. And by “not great,” I pretty much mean I’m awful about it. Once a thing stops working, I chuck it in the back of a closet somewhere and buy a new one.

I feel like there might be a story about how my lamp stopped working, so I bought a new one and then when my friend came to assemble the new one, he noticed that the old one wasn’t broken, the bulb had just burned out.

However, I’m only 92% sure that happened, and I’m terrible at math and boy, does that story make me sound like a grade A jabroni, so, let’s say that never happened. (Shut up, Fischel.) (Okay, I might now be 96% sure that happened. *whistles*)

Anyway, so the lamp was absolutely definitely probably not at all broken, and I quickly replaced it. I needed light, it wasn’t giving me any, end of story. Lamp, dumpster; dumpster lamp.

When my transmission went kaput, I bought a new car.

Repairs? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I do admire the handy types though. The ones with a tool box, a light touch and elbow grease. They bring the dead things back to life; they see opportunity in the trash pile.

Moviember

Friday, November 1st, 2013 by Dawn Summers

Ugh. Not to be confused with that Movember thing where savages walk around with hairy faces like cave people. Gross. You get running water, electricity and flat screen TVs, in exchange you shave your face. THAT IS CIVILIZATION, PEOPLE!!!

Okay, rant over, movie time!

It’s the holidays and stuff, so I planned to focus on a central theme like horror movies for Halloween or family movies for Thanksgiving. But, like always, I then remembered I’m terrible at plans and/or follow through, so we just watched a bunch of random films. Oh, I did manage to see a Jason Statham movie every Friday. Cause Friday is my shooty movies day because… brain something something. (Sorry, writing these on Friday and words are hard. Not a good day to start NanoMoSomething, but start it I will anyway! Crap. Where was I?) Hmm… can I review the Jason Statham movie I just finished because technically, it was a November movie? Eh, if you don’t tell, I won’t ask. That’s not how that goes.

Sigh.

Hashtag Friday Brain.

Redemption
Jason Statham! Friday. You know what? There wasn’t that much shooting in this one. He plays a rogue British special ops guy who was ambushed in Afghanistan and killed a bunch of civilians in retaliation. Now he’s on the run from MI5 or 6 or Interpol or whatever. He’s hiding as a bum and befriends a runaway girl. But the girl gets taken in by pimps, so then he breaks into an apartment and steals that guys identity and then he becomes a hitman… um, and he makes out with a nun from the homeless shelter. Okay, okay I’m not explaining this right. Jason Statham. There are scenes where he’s shirtless. Moving on.

Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds
I liked this movie. I confess I accidentally clicked on it before I saw the Tyler Perry brand and didn’t turn it off when I saw his stupid face cause I figured I hadn’t shat all over a Tyler Perry movie in a while. But hey, it turns out he’s not always a repulsive sexist buffoon. Though, there were sexist buffoonish elements to this movie about a rich man who falls in love with the single mom janitor and quits his job to move to Africa with her. (Seriously, “Africa.” The camera pans on the boarding passes he gives her and it says “Africa 2:00 PM” I laughed.)

Take This Waltz
Okay, this is one of those movies that I can’t in good conscience tell anyone to watch cause, it IS weird… but it’s interesting. At first brush, this movie starring Michelle Williams seems like your typical annoying flighty girl meets boy movie. (“I’m afraid of being afraid” is sample dialogue from the first twenty minutes, during which she pretends to be wheelchair bound AND a tour guide.) And after you watch it, you will want to hunt down @astinto and lock him away in a dark, damp place with fire breathing bees coated in peanut oil as his only company. But, then you suddenly realize the whole movie basically tracks this chick on a love bender and you decide that’s kind of funny. Plus, bonus points for creative use of “video killed the radio star” outside of a trivia context.

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