Clareified

Where does the good go

Released Development

When I thought about writing this post about Season Four of Arrested Development, I planned to be exceedingly negative. I thumbed through the thesaurus of my imagination for synonyms of bad (At first, I wrote “bad synonyms,” but that conjured images of bad synonyms like gruel for food or Tyler Perry for screenwriter, so I changed it to synonyms of bad, hmm… perhaps synonyms for bad would be better. Basically, I was just going to combine the word suck with other words, i.e. sucktocracy, sucklandish, Count Suckula, it’s an imagination, after all, there’s no *actual* thesaurus there. (You get the post for free, the behind-the-scenes glimpse into my writing process are extra. *points arrow at paypal button*)

However, as I read the many internet reviews to come way before mine, written by people who, what’s the word, “are paid to do such things in a timely fashion,” (That’s ten words, Dawn. Shut up, Count Suckula, nobody asked you!) I realized that EVERYBODY was being exceedingly negative. And since, by nature, I like to stand out, now I’m just going to be a regular amount of negative.

Over at grantland, they’ve decided to have Ana Marie Cox watch the episodes one at a time and write weekly reviews. In my best Gob voice “*snorts* The girl with the FOUR THOUSAND DOLLAR FLATSCREEN, the thirty dollar a month netflix subscription AND NO LIFE is going is going IS GOING *snorts* TO TO TO WAIT FIFTEEN WEEKS to finish a season of television??! COME ON!”

Good luck with that, Grantland.

I will admit that, for some reason, I thought there were only 13 episodes, so when I finished episode 13 and Netflix gave me the “next episode will start in 19 seconds” prompt, I screamed NOOOOO and began to cry. However, Ana Marie’s “ho hum” reception of the first episode is also why I couldn’t stop after one. (Though, I will say that Kristen Wiig is PERFECTION! I laughed and laughed at her character. er… with? Whatever the good one is.)

“THE FUCK WAS THAT?”

I thought as I waited the 19 seconds for episode two.

“HUH?”

I queried as I waited for episode three.

“I WILL NOT THROW THIS CONTROLLER TO THE GROUND IN ANGER”

I swore as I waited for episode four.

“FUCK”

I thought as I collected the batteries that scattered across my hardwood floor after throwing the controller to the ground in anger, waiting for episode five.

WHY LORD WHY?

Was the reaction before episode six.

OK, this is my absolute last one, I can’t take it anymore was my reaction while I waited for episode seven.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH “scooping mice out of the sea” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THAT. WAS. AWESOME. IMMA WATCH THAT AGAIN!

Episode seven was the best one.

Then it goes Okay, Bad, Great, Okay, Good, Okay (crying because I thought it was over), Great(ZOMG, Glad they didn’t end on that!), Meh (REALLY??? *THAT’S* what they ended on????)

If you’re a fan of the show, you’re going to watch the new season. And really, unless you’re signing up for Netflix *just* for this (Ed note: DO NOT sign up to Netflix just for this) you’ve already paid for it, so whatever. But there’s no need to watch all fifteen like immediately; though, one a week is wrong too. I’d do four or five, but the first six are not great and will FEEL like you’ve just watched 30 of them. I guess it could have been worse. No, correction, I’m SURE it could have been worse.

Tyler Perry could have written some of them. Or acted in some of them.

One Response to “Released Development”

  1. Petitedov Says:

    So. Disappointing. And not funny but sad.

Leave a Reply