Clareified

Where does the good go

Smelly

I can’t stop laughing.

I don’t know why I thought the best way to help me stop laughing would be to write a post about why I can’t stop laughing, but I was totally wrong and now I’m just laughing harder.

There’s this woman who ALWAYS brings smelly food into the coding room. Nobody really wants to take more than 30 minutes fro lunch, so everyone eats at their desk. Thus, the name “smelly food lady” was born. I used to sit next to her, so I’d get it the worst, but the company moved us to a new room and now she sits behind me — not much better, but eh.

My coding team consists of smelly food lady, the black church ladies, the prom queen, meth lady, the bros, me and absentee Bob. These names are probably more familiar to the people who follow me on twitter, but they are all pretty self explanatory.

Anyway, I’m sitting there, coding away like the diligent worker that I am, or beating Fisch at Ruzzle, one or the other, when a waft of disgusting pungent air reaches into my nostrils and strangles me from the inside. I turn around, and sure enough smelly food lady is eating some smelly ass food. Today is the worst it’s been in a long time. I am choking. But I don’t say anything because I’m the quiet judgmental type.

A minute later, one of the church ladies goes “LAWDAMERCY. What is that?”

The prom queen goes “smells like GAR-BAGE. Is this lid on?” She emphasizes the syllables in the word garbage so forcefully that I snort in my attempt to stifle my laughter.

She honestly has NO idea it’s smelly food lady’s food. I suspect the church ladies DO know, because one of them grabs a can of lysol and starts spraying in our general direction.

At this point, I start laughing. Softly, but still.

Smelly food lady can’t pretend not to hear any longer. She stands up and says “well, I guess I will take my food to the break room.”

I laugh SO HARD now.

And I can’t stop.

Prom queen turns bright red. “Oh, is that your FOOD? I thought it was GAR-BAGE” she says quite sincerely, but from her perfectly coiffed personage to haggardly looking smelly food lady, it just played out like a scene from Mean Girls. Smelly food lady bolts from the room fleeing the sound of my laughter and the snap of the Lysol can cap.

“I didn’t know it was food!” prom queen protests to laughter which has now spread from me to almost everyone.

“Just stop saying “GAR-BAGE,” I offer through my laughter.

“But I thought it was GAR-BAGE” she repeats.

I laugh more.

The church ladies exchange neck snaps and mmhmms.

“I had to spray.”

“Mmhmm,” the other responds.

My laughter subsides.

Smelly food lady returns.

“Did you spray the Lysol over here? I had an apple out. Did it get on my apple?”

Her face is bright with indignation.

I start to laugh again.

Prom queen makes her garbage base apology again. The one church lady says they only sprayed the garbage. The other church lady makes a face that says that is not true.

I continue to laugh and think I have GOT to tell someone this story.

Meth lady returns from lunch and starts to unwrap her brown bag.

One of the bros says, “Here we go again.”

I laugh even harder and open a web browser.

23 Responses to “Smelly”

  1. Petitedov Says:

    hahaha. So is the food typical standard American fare or is it a specific world cuisine? I used to hate when people would “cook” broccoli in the microwave, worst smell ever.

  2. Dawn Summers Says:

    It was kimshee. Kimshi (sp?) I don’t know how to spell it, I just know it when I smell it.

  3. Petitedov Says:

    I looooove Kimchi. I actually just bought some last week, but I would never eat it at work. Is she Korean? Side note, I have recently experienced an obsession with Korean culture. It’s getting borderline weird, I’m thinking of blogging about it.

  4. JChiron18 Says:

    Kimchi is amazing, but it is fermented, hence the smell. But its really good for your digestion. And I agree with Petitedov, Koren food/culture is dope. Maybe there should be a rule that all lunches should be taken in the break room tho. Even coders need a breather 😉

  5. Dawn Summers Says:

    She is NOT Korean, but interesting sidenote is married to a Korean guy and really finds a way to cram that into every conversation ever. I.e “No, that’s not how you pronounce gangham style. It’s *insert pronounction* my husband is Korean” Or “My dad is really small minded. Not me, I married a Korean man!”

  6. Dawn Summers Says:

    @Pdov are you preparing just in case the war comes and we lose? I had @astinto teach me how to tweet “i am canadian” in korean…

  7. Petitedov Says:

    I have to much faith in the USA USA USA for that to be the reason. The real shameful reason is that I started watching Korean dramas & can’t stop watching them. I’m totally addicted. How does @astinto know Korean?! #goodplan #traitor

  8. notcpete Says:

    It was NOT @astinto, it was me…and your treatment of kim-chi just cost you your freedom “in case the war comes”. I am ethnically Korean (YES, I AM…oh shut up…), but I will NEVER bring kim-chi to work for lunch, even if I worked in a company with only Koreans. Kim-chi tastes great, but it stinks to high heaven once it sits at room temperature for too long.

  9. Fisch Says:

    You kill me at Ruzzle :(

  10. JChiron18 Says:

    Oh no, she’s one of those. When people expect a medal for marrying someone of a different culture or race. -______- #ohnowyouanexpert

  11. dawn summers Says:

    @jchiron EEEXXXAAACCCCTTTLLLYYY. I wanna punch her in the face so hard sometimes.

  12. VinNay Says:

    Pfft. Koreans. Remember Pearl Harbor.

  13. Petitedov Says:

    I got to say I hate people like that – use friends/family to show their worlidness etc. But Peter has figured out the whole Russian thing fairly quickly. I think he is a bigger expert abt some (shady) Russian things than me. #innocent

  14. notcpete Says:

    I am laughing and confused at the same time by @VinNay’s comment. You talking about that crappy Michael Bay movie? *SPOILER ALERT* JOSH HARTNETT’S CHARACTER DIES!

  15. Dawn Summers Says:

    Yep, funny and confusing, that our @vinnay!

  16. RedxBranch Says:

    I think VinNay was going for ‘Remember the Alamo’ cause K.J.U. wants to blow up Austin.

    AND

    I guess according to P-Dove I need to stop saying ‘…..I read a cool lady from NY who gets tons of witty comments from all her cool friends so….’ to show I know what’s up in the big city.

  17. Dawn Summers Says:

    LOL. You’ve never said that IN YOUR LIFE!

  18. Petitedov Says:

    Wait, who’s the cool lady? What blog is that?! #hahaha If you can pull it off RB, it’s all good.
    :)

  19. RedxBranch Says:

    I’m just tryin to bask in the glo, yo!

    AND

    I can’t believe you guys let me get away with ‘Austin/Alamo’.

  20. Kredyty pod zastaw mieszkania Says:

    Witam, ciekawy post. Czekam na wi?cej i pozdrawiam pisarza.
    :)

  21. Graciela Says:

    Marvelous, what a web site it is! This web site gives helpful facts to us, keep it
    up.

    My blog post – data entry work from home – Graciela

  22. ????? ???? Says:

    ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????2013???

  23. ????? ???? Says:

    ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????3????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Leave a Reply