Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for April, 2013

Authorities hunt killer fish

Tuesday, April 30th, 2013 by Dawn Summers

IN NEW YORK!!

Some kids just don’t have math brains

Monday, April 29th, 2013 by Dawn Summers

You don’t have to tell me that twice! Or however many times reading something once is.

Head hits desk

Friday, April 26th, 2013 by Dawn Summers

It took me TWO YEARS, but I finally finished the UK Prime Suspect series and season one of Treme. I don’t recommend either.

Kathie Lee needs to look up “threat” in the dictionary

Friday, April 26th, 2013 by Dawn Summers

Gifford says if Lauer goes, she’ll go!

Not only do I think I could have written this email…

Thursday, April 25th, 2013 by Dawn Summers

I feel like I *HAVE* written this email. AND I STAND BY IT!

Why was it included in an article about batshit crazy e-mails people send??? HMPH.

I think it’s just that people who are not awesome at fantasy football are just jealous of us who are.

*whistles*

Smelly

Wednesday, April 24th, 2013 by Dawn Summers

I can’t stop laughing.

I don’t know why I thought the best way to help me stop laughing would be to write a post about why I can’t stop laughing, but I was totally wrong and now I’m just laughing harder.

There’s this woman who ALWAYS brings smelly food into the coding room. Nobody really wants to take more than 30 minutes fro lunch, so everyone eats at their desk. Thus, the name “smelly food lady” was born. I used to sit next to her, so I’d get it the worst, but the company moved us to a new room and now she sits behind me — not much better, but eh.

My coding team consists of smelly food lady, the black church ladies, the prom queen, meth lady, the bros, me and absentee Bob. These names are probably more familiar to the people who follow me on twitter, but they are all pretty self explanatory.

Anyway, I’m sitting there, coding away like the diligent worker that I am, or beating Fisch at Ruzzle, one or the other, when a waft of disgusting pungent air reaches into my nostrils and strangles me from the inside. I turn around, and sure enough smelly food lady is eating some smelly ass food. Today is the worst it’s been in a long time. I am choking. But I don’t say anything because I’m the quiet judgmental type.

A minute later, one of the church ladies goes “LAWDAMERCY. What is that?”

The prom queen goes “smells like GAR-BAGE. Is this lid on?” She emphasizes the syllables in the word garbage so forcefully that I snort in my attempt to stifle my laughter.

She honestly has NO idea it’s smelly food lady’s food. I suspect the church ladies DO know, because one of them grabs a can of lysol and starts spraying in our general direction.

At this point, I start laughing. Softly, but still.

Smelly food lady can’t pretend not to hear any longer. She stands up and says “well, I guess I will take my food to the break room.”

I laugh SO HARD now.

And I can’t stop.

Prom queen turns bright red. “Oh, is that your FOOD? I thought it was GAR-BAGE” she says quite sincerely, but from her perfectly coiffed personage to haggardly looking smelly food lady, it just played out like a scene from Mean Girls. Smelly food lady bolts from the room fleeing the sound of my laughter and the snap of the Lysol can cap.

“I didn’t know it was food!” prom queen protests to laughter which has now spread from me to almost everyone.

“Just stop saying “GAR-BAGE,” I offer through my laughter.

“But I thought it was GAR-BAGE” she repeats.

I laugh more.

The church ladies exchange neck snaps and mmhmms.

“I had to spray.”

“Mmhmm,” the other responds.

My laughter subsides.

Smelly food lady returns.

“Did you spray the Lysol over here? I had an apple out. Did it get on my apple?”

Her face is bright with indignation.

I start to laugh again.

Prom queen makes her garbage base apology again. The one church lady says they only sprayed the garbage. The other church lady makes a face that says that is not true.

I continue to laugh and think I have GOT to tell someone this story.

Meth lady returns from lunch and starts to unwrap her brown bag.

One of the bros says, “Here we go again.”

I laugh even harder and open a web browser.

I owe those dirty hippies an apology

Tuesday, April 23rd, 2013 by Dawn Summers

Seems like the environmentalists were onto something.

BROOKLYN

Wednesday, April 17th, 2013 by Dawn Summers

We GO HARD!

(In front of my mom’s building, no less.)

Lawmaker reverses “grades-based” welfare push

Sunday, April 14th, 2013 by Dawn Summers

Doofus.

YALE WINS

Sunday, April 14th, 2013 by Dawn Summers

Hockey, BUT STILL!