MY Birthday month aka the bestest month in the year! Though, this year my birthday season is already scheduled to last through mid August. So, in anticipation of turning however old I will turn on July 8th (my birthday) I watched a whole bunch of movies and now I’m going to tell you about them. YOU’RE. WELCOME!
Take Me Home Tonight
Stupid VinNay picked this stupid movie. I read the summary about this flick set in the 1980s, about a recent college school grad Topher Grace, who can’t find a job, so he pretends he works at Goldman to impress his high school crush. I knew it would be dumb and suggested we watch the People vs. George Lucas instead. But nooooooo. So in the stupid movie, Topher has a twin sister and she’s about to marry the high school jock king. Again, I don’t know what’s going on with Topher Grace, but I hope he gets whatever help he needs so that he stops making these horrible horrible movies. Meanwhile, halfway through, I noticed VinNay was all suspiciously quiet, so I thought he fell asleep, but nooooooooo, Senor Asshole switched to the George Lucas documentary!
The People vs. George Lucas
I distinctly remember being a freshman in college and I was telling my best friend about some horrible thing some senior did and he was all “you should Darth Vader her,” and I was all “who’s Darth Vader?” And I heard the phone drop and there was screaming and then I was forced to watch the original trilogy for like four hundred times in a row. And then, when Episode I came out five years later, he made us stand on line all gotdang day to see it at the Zeigfeld Theater on opening day. Our seats were soooo bad — we were in the first row, with our necks craned the whole time. This was then his justification for forcing us to see the damn thing AGAIN even though I was pretty sure it was horrible. “No, we were just too close!” Then when we saw Episode II, even he had to admit it was shite. At that point, I was tempted to point out that, actually Episodes IV-VI weren’t all that good either… but I held my tongue. I don’t know what he thought of Episode III, but I was laughing as I watched this movie about super Star Wars fans complaining that George Lucas ruined their lives with the prequels. I was rolling my eyes at these sad sacks and the whole chronicling of George Lucas’ betrayal… UNTIL they got to the discussion of Indiana Jones 4. And then…well, I understood their pain and outrage, because while I’ve always been a lukewarm Star Wars person (come on… MARK HAMILL IS THE WORSTEST!) Indiana Jones IS MY ALL TIME FAVORITE. I had a stuffed rabbit named Harrison. Luv him. And Indiana 4… well… it… I… fuck you George Lucas! FUCK YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE!