Kashi cereals contain pesticides Maybe I’ll sue… though I suppose the chocolate donut I had for breakfast this morning isn’t all that much healthier.
Archive for April, 2012
TWO DAYS AFTER I TOOK MY PATRIOTS EARRINGS OUT, I LOSE ONE!!! I put them on the clear coffee table! Where in the entire hell could it have got off to???
In the past three days, I’ve caught myself almost calling Vinny, Vella. F-train, Vinny and Fisch, mom. That was probably the weirdest one. Probably.
Mr Price: Gentlemen, I’m not sure you are aware, but England won the world cup.
Roger: Cup of what?
“No, I don’t think the zipper is the problem. It’s your back fat.”
In honor of my boys, walking into Ottawa and taking their home ice advantage back, we’re going with Taylor’s FEARLESS!!
Kashi stopped making my favoritest cereal. I’ve been buying the last of the boxes on amazon for the ridiculous price of $11 per box plus shipping. I just saw an offer on amazon for a carton of the stuff: 144 boxes for $900. That is crazy, yes? One should not purchase 144 boxes of cereal, right? Not under any circumstances…cause where would one keep 144 boxes of cereal…would one continue to want said cereal after eating the fortieth box?
I took Sammy, my mom and my cousin to see the New York Metropolitans at Citifield yesterday.
He showed up wearing this:
Are. You. Effing. Kidding?
His mom was all “I’m sorry! I didn’t know! I just put on his baseball hat!”
First stop: Mets store.
I kid you not, I told that child to pick a hat he liked, take the one off his head and step on it. He totes liked the stepping on it part. The store clerk found the entire exchange hilarious and gave him a bonus Mets stress ball. When we left, I asked Sammy what we say to the Yankees? He dutifully replied “Booooo.”
“Show me a Yankees face!”
Sadly, the unthinkable happened. As soon as we sat down, Gee gives up a one run homer. The Nationals never looked back and I saw my first live Mets loss in 11 years of going to games! I know this was somehow Fisch’s fault. He’s all “here are awesome front row tickets with a fancy parking pass, Dawn!”
And I’m all “Yay! Thanks Fisch, you’re awesome!”
Then when I leave, and he closes the door behind me, he tents his fingers and says “what you don’t know is that they’re cursed tickets!” And then he and Max laugh evilly while they do the Mickey Mouse dance. #truestory
But cursed or not, the seats were pretty sick. That’s Jason Bay right in front of me.
Know how I know that’s Jason Bay? Cause the six high school guys behind me were heckling him mercilessly THE WHOLE GAME!
“You SUCK JASON!”
“You may be the best baseball player in Canada, but that’s like being the best Jamaican bobsledder!”
“You’re the reason my dad left us, Jason!”
“Bay pees sitting down!”
Then a plastic bag blew onto to the field and they were like:
“Hey Bay! Pick up that bag. We’re paying you enough money and you’re not doing anything else! Might as well clean up the field!”
Then the other one was all “Nah, leave the bag; you go to the bench. I bet that bag gets more outs than you!”
Best part? At one point one of them was like “You’re so gay Jason Bay!” And another guy was like “Nah, man. That’s not cool, there’s nothing wrong with being gay one way or another.”
“Yeah, I know,” he said sheepishly.
“Jason Bay just sucks!”
They laughed and then started mocking Bay with “MVP MVP MVP” chants.
Ah, good times. Good times.