I went to see the Rangers get throttled by the seemingly unstoppable Pittsburgh Penguin pirates at the Garden last night.
Stupid racist Crosby and Letang were back, whilst my main man Lundqvist was sidelined with…um… something. Plus, Captain Cally and DZ were out with real non wuss ass “Theraflu” injuries.
I love going to sporting events with Alceste when I lose because he’s all “you didn’t lose, Dawn. The Rangers did.” And I’m all “Negro, do you see my jersey?” And he’s all “Yes, and it doesn’t say ‘Summers’ on the back AND I’m sure your backwards skating skills are on par with mine.”
These exchanges are WAY less valid when we go to Mets/Braves games and the Mets win and I’m all “SO’S YOUR FACE! We TOTALLY KICKED YOUR ASSES!” And he’s all “O_o Your curveball must be really good!”
Anyway, last night was one of the good going to a game with Alceste days, where I totes didn’t lose and just enjoyed my wine and the conversation from the trashy women behind us. (To which Alceste replied “Um….you might want to say that a little quieter before the trashy women slap you.”)
But seriously. These women were like your classic loudmouthed, Long Island accented big girls screaming “GET OFF YOUR ASS GABBY” Or “YOU GOTTA LIFT IT ZOOKY! LIIIFFFTT ITTT” (I also got the headline from their yelling “You’re right on the doorstep! PUT IT IN!” And then I’d think “That’s what she said!”)
And then when the scrum converged in front of the net and I stood up to see (cause we had pretty good seats twenty rows or so behind the net) they would yell “SIDDOWN!”
Terrifying. (As the night went on, I further discovered that one of them had a Rangers themed wedding where all the table numbers referenced Rangers guys like number 2, 30, 1, 9…etc. The bride walked down the aisle to the Rangers goal song and they played clips of classic Rangers wins instead of childhood pics of the bride and groom. Not that I’m ever getting married, but dude, every table is gonna be number 12! Every. One! I don’t wanna hear any follow up questions. LALALALALALA I can’t hear you.)
Oh, when I got to the Garden I found a bar with this awesome bartender who was like “the wine bottles are kind of small…here, I’ll give you two. Don’t tell. Shhh” Wheeee! Love that guy! But then I figured I should get food of some kind and ended up going to the Kosher kiosk cause it was closest. When I got to my seat, I saw that Alceste had gotten food from the same place! I laughed. But then the guy on the other side of me was all “Thank God I’m not sitting next to a Penguins fan.” I don’t know what Alceste had been doing to him before I got there.
Sadly, there were TONS of Penguins fans in attendance. When the Pens scored in the first two minutes (hangs head) there were so many cheers I thought Biron had made the stop even though I saw the lights flashing and the scoreboard change from 0-0 to 0-1.
It was like the time I went to the Riots game in San Diego and there were more Brady jerseys than Chargers fans — JUST BRADY jerseys– never mind the Patriots fans in other jerseys or who weren’t wearing their colors at all.
Alceste, however, is a wretched photographer (though he blames my camera #races) so I didn’t get any good profile pics out of it… but maybe I can convince Ugarles to go with me to the Rangers/Detroit game and we can try again.
But then I think the Rangers better win cause I’m guessing Ugarles won’t be quite so magnanimous in victory.