The screenplay “My mother and I” just writes itself
My mother: It’s time to change your bandages. Unless you want to sit there and let the wound get infected and die.
Me: Mmm.
My mother: What?
Me: I’m thinking.
Me: Can you just mash up the banana in a bowl with some eggs, water and a little bit of butter and fry it on the stove?
My mother: Are you asking me to make banana pancakes for you?
Me: Oh, is that how you make pancakes? Really? That’s it?
My mother: Not one of your friends has come to visit you?
Me: I don’t want anyone visiting me. Then I would have to put on clothes.
My mother: What are you talking about? That shirt you’re wearing cost me TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS.
Me: Shrug.
*five minutes later*
My mother: Where are you going?
Me: The incinerator.
My mother: Put on some clothes!
Me: O_o
My mother: Do you want the green toothbrush or the blue one?
Me: *throws green toothbrush on the floor* The clean one.
March 1st, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Um, how long have you been sick?
March 1st, 2012 at 12:58 pm
*Throws* the toothbrush? What are you, 3 years and seven months, give or take a few weeks?
March 1st, 2012 at 1:57 pm
I’m sure you pointed out to your mother that you basically refused to tell anyone that you were going to be laid up for a week.
I’m also sure you pointed out how your good friend Dave offered “anything you need that he can provide”.
No? You didn’t tell her that?
You are the worst.