Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for March, 2012

Conversation of the Day

Friday, March 30th, 2012 by Smarty Pants

VinNay:So, who is your MLB team?

Girl at Bar: The Mets, but I haven’t payed attention in years.

VinNay: Neither have they honey, neither have they.

Have a good weekend

Friday, March 30th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

Not so random question

Thursday, March 29th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

Why am I looking up bread making machines on Amazon? *Headdesk*

DRAWSOME! NOOOTTT!

Thursday, March 29th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

It’s been about a week or so since VinNay made me sign up for Draw Something because AND I QUOTE “It’s the new hotness!”

Let me ASSURE YOU, friends, it is NOT HOT. Hot MESS maybe!

(It’s basically electronic pictionary. You get three word choices: a 1 coin “easy”, 2 coin “moderate” or 3 coin “hard” option. You draw, your opponent is given ten letters, plus your picture clue and has to type in the word for your drawing. There is no winner. (So, right away, you know Dawn Summers hates this game. Also, did I ever tell you that my straight A average in freshman year of high school was RUINED by a C+ in art, which, after I screamed and threatened family pets, he upped to a B provided I agreed to wash the brushes and put back the canvases in the art room for a week. *GLARE*)

Anywho, so I’ve been playing Draw Something with Vin and Fisch. While I do NOT recommend playing this game AT ALL. If you’re going to play, play with Fisch.

His drawings ARE HILARIOUS.

I tried to screen capture some of these pictures… oh man.

The first one he drew was like a pink polka dot dinosaur with a little hat. I am trying all combinations of cartoon dinosaurs, but then he erases it and does a dinosaur behind bars instead! (In the game, you can see your opponent drawing the clue as if you were playing live pictionary.) So now I’m so confused, but laughing really hard. Mary is all “what’re you doing?” And I’m all “I HAVE NO CLUE! Look at this!”

And I’m still laughing as I show her the picture and she immediately says “It’s a zebra.”

NOW I’m laughing EVEN HARDER because it’s TOTALLY A ZERBA, but then WHAT ON EARTH WAS THE POLKA DOT DINOSAUR ABOUT?

Since then, I’ve learned Fischel doesn’t so much adhere to the reality of the shapes of things. For instance, on the word “Afro.” He drew a Kid N Play high top fade. I was so stumped I just started playing around with the letters to see what could fit and I finally came up with afro. So I write him (in the program, I now choose to leave notes for my opponents criticising their terrible terrible clues.) “DUDE! A *SQUARE* AFRO?? THE HELL???”

And he writes back, also using the program, so it took like three sheets, “Afros AREN’T SQUARE??? Well, I colored in the face, so you could tell it was a black guy!”

OF COURSE He did! RAAAAAYYYYCCCCEEEEESSSSS!

Then I had the clue “Orlando.” It was a three coin one, but I picked it because I figured, I’d just draw Florida and Mickey Mouse: BOOM! Yah. Let me tell you, forty minutes, 120 erasures later and a terrible rendition of Dwight Howard in a superman cape and Florida later, I learned “FUCK DRAWING MICKEY MOUSE.”

Fisch laughed at me, but just now I watched him take 20 minutes to just draw “mouse”!

However, all that is still WAAAAAAAAAAYYYY better than playing with Draw Something NAZI Vin “MAKE IT HARDER” Nay (That’s what she said.)

He’s all “DAS NEIN MORE ONE COIN PICTURESFREUDE!”

And I’m all “huh? what? It’s a GAME! You don’t even win or lose, it’s just for FUN!”

And he’s all slapping me in the face, grabbing my collar and yelling “IT’S NOT FOR FUN! DRAW SOMETHING IS LIFE! GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, SUMMERS! STOP FUCKING UP! Bitch, give me my money!”

Then, he wipes the blood off his knuckles on my perfectly matched green sneakers, fixes his shirt and walks away, while I, shaking and bleeding from the head, figure out how to draw dandruff without getting yelled at again.

So…umm… who wants to play Words with Friends!

Reeeeaaaalllll Nice, Canadia!

Wednesday, March 28th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

Couple racks up million dollar hospital bill.

Not so random question

Wednesday, March 28th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

Why is Mad Men so boring?

If it’s not one thing

Tuesday, March 27th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

I can always tell how great a post is going to be by the number of times I change the title. The more changes, the worse it is.

“Update” was choice 9. “If it’s not one thing” was ten.

You have been warned. *whistles*

I have been off twitter for a month!

Hurrah.

To be honest, I had surgery about three days into Lent, so I knew I’d be all doped up and unconscious for the first couple of weeks. But with the Rangers choking and all these NFL free agency moves, I was desperate to get back on last week, at which point, I discovered I’d forgotten my password.

So…still going strong! Ish.

I read the feeds of the public twitter handles I remember. But I cannot respond. I have finally gotten my screenplay software loaded, registered and ready to go! Unfortunately, all my movie ideas right now are morbid and dark. I’m pretty much going for the Oscar on the first try.

It’s been more than a month since the surgery. It was supposed to take two hours, but ended up taking 9 hours and I had to spend two days in the hospital. I’m sort of a professional surgery haver by now, so I took it in stride, served my sentence at Casa de Clare and bided my time until F-train broke me out.

At my mother’s house, she took care to feed me three home cooked meals of whole grains, meats and veg-e-tables? The woman, God bless her heart, even attempted to make “coffee” from some bottle of black crystals labeled “Folgers Instant”? I do not know what it’s supposed to instantly become… not coffee, surely. Alas, the minute I was free and left to my own devices, I think I had brownies and coffee ice cream for dinner. And as I was still on bed/coach rest, my days were mostly filled with wine drinking and television watching.

This led to my leg pain/blood clot scare, which, after the sonogram results came back negative, the doctor suggested might be due to muscle atrophy since I had been pretty active before suddenly lying in bed for 23 hours a day. Oh, and the two hundred additional brownie/coffee ice cream pounds probably weren’t helping.

Awesome.

The following week, I got myself a new trainer and put my stupid legs in my stupid sneakers and went back to the stupid gym… until a week ago, when I noticed something very strange…I knew it was bad cause when I showed it to my mom on Sunday, she freaked out and tried to take me to the Emergency Room. So, I went to the doctor today and he diagnosed it as a seroma.

Do not google seroma images. Seriously, don’t do it, man.

GUY! WHAT DID I *JUST* SAY?!

Anyway, the doctor originally stuck this like 4 inch needle to aspirate the seroma, but it filled up in like two seconds and he had to switch to a 15 foot needle. THE FUCK?

He’s all “you’ll feel a little pinch.” AND I’M ALL: NEGRO. I WILL *CUT* YOU. (I only had four new year’s resolutions. One of them was “stop calling white people ‘negro.’” I failed.)

So he stabs the top of the Empire State Building into my body and over the incessant screaming, he goes “so, aside from this, how’re things? Do you feel better?”

Anyway, this was all my circuitous way of asking “so what’s the best way to dispose of the body of a doctor you have murdered?”

Allegedly.

*whistles*

Taylor Tuesday

Tuesday, March 27th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

PRINCE ELI COULD ASPLODE!

Monday, March 26th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

DUUUUDDDEE! Why is everything everywhere always trying to kill me?

Sigh.

Monday, March 26th, 2012 by Dawn Summers

Ochocinco remains a Patriot. *swallows vomit*