Where does the good go

Etiquette is just a fancy word for “please don’t yell at me”


I dunno. I was more worried about spelling it correctly than looking at definitions.

I spent last week thinking about what I want to do for the birthday season, seeing that my thirty-sixth year is already more than half over! HALF! And don’t think I didn’t notice the alarming lack of happy half birthday gifts. O_O Last year I pretty much went to Buffalo and Toronto — oh, and I guess Maryland for a day and a half. I made zero strides in my 50 states project NOR did I manage to go fishing like I’ve been meaning to for the last SIX years! I had been doing SO well with my travel bucket list for the past few years from going to playing poker in Australia, not at the but a casino somewhere in Melbourne I think. And I saw the big President heads, which sadly, I still call the big President heads. What? Google big President heads and you will find EXACTLY what I’m talking about, so you can stuff your saris in a sack.

Anyway, since it is February, I am *naturally* thinking about my July birthday. July 8th to be specific. *whistles* I decided that I enjoy sporting events, so I’ve invited myself out to Los Angeles and Toronto to see the Mets play the Dodgers and the Yankees play the Toronto Blue Jays. Perchance, I will also go to a Canada casino while I’m in Canada. OOh and do they have roller coasters in Toronto? I think one I more and @astinto and I will officially have a roller coaster tradition!

I also didn’t see my Utah parents AT ALL last year, and I do believe I was promised fly fishing, so hopefully, that can happen this year.

However, despite my shyness about inviting myself places and demanding cake and casinos, the awkward recluse in me does always fear doing something awful and terrible when I’m visiting other places out of a strong sense of just not knowing any better. Making beds being my most hilarious example. I will happily wash all the linens *by hand* so long as I don’t have to attempt fit sheets on a mattress of any kind. Or bounce quarters. Or figure out what all those pillows are for. What are all those pillows for?

I’m also a notoriously picky eater — though as long as I can pronounce everything, all ingredients are from animals parts that are visible to the naked eye AND nuts aren’t involved, I’ve gotten somewhat more adventurous in my old age.

Anyway, I came across this old meme which circulated last year and pretty much getting an e-mail like this IS my personal nightmare:

from: Carolyn Bourne
to: heidi withers
subject: your lack of manners

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another’s house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another’s house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early – you fall in line with house norms.

Seriously, people. I. WOULD. DIE!

*googles how to make a bed*

9 Responses to “Etiquette is just a fancy word for “please don’t yell at me””

  1. Astin Says:

    There be plenty of roller coasters up here. Okay, there’s only a couple in Toronto, and some are only seasonal, but there’s Canada’s Wonderland just outside the city that’s chock full o’ coasters. There might be a lame one on Centre Island too…

  2. Alceste Says:

    Want to come out to your first soccer game this year? Season starts in March.

  3. Pdov Says:

    You are welcome any time. But we live close to you and we have a small tv….

  4. Pearatty Says:

    “You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host. ”

    Hmm, this one I haven’t heard of, and it doesn’t seem right, actually. I mean, I really don’t want to have to host at a dinner party table and pay attention to what everyone has on their plate and if they might be ready for seconds. More research may be required. (I know in Eastern Europe/Russia, the whole host thing would require you to do exactly that, but I don’t think that’s English or American manners. Also, in Eastern Europe/Russia, you would be A VERY BAD HOST if your guest ever had to ask. The hosts just default to pushing more food and drink on the guest every 5 minutes or so.)

    Although the rest all seem to be true in principle, it does sound like that host doesn’t provide enough food. My rule of thumb at a party is that if there aren’t a lot of leftovers, you didn’t have enough food.

  5. Pearatty Says:

    Although, come to think of it, maybe I always have a lot of leftovers because I never offer anyone seconds . . .

  6. fisch Says:

    I disagree with the sleeping in part. Unless we made plans to go somewhere in the morning and I stood you up, I’ll sleep as late as I damn please. And if you have a problem with that, then be man enough to say out loud that I can sleep at your house, but only til 7 am at which point I can’t.

  7. dawn Says:

    Although, come to think of it, maybe I always have a lot of leftovers because I never offer anyone seconds . . .

    I’m pretty sure you NEVER have any leftover brownies. Unless, you hide them. Do you hide them?

  8. Pearatty Says:

    >I disagree with the sleeping in part.

    Well, that is traditional etiquitte. I think it depends on the style of the family you’re staying with, and the setup of the house. If you’re sleeping on the foldup couch in the livingroom, then yeah, get your butt out of bed so your hosts don’t have to tiptoe around you. If the location you’re staying at or planned events mean your hosts can’t go about their business until you’re up, then again, you should get up. If you don’t know the hosts well enough that they would be comfortable leaving you alone in their house, you should get up. And if you expect to have meals provided for you, you should adjust to the hosts’ timing on that, especially for breakfast.

    By the same token, if you’re an early riser, you should minimize your presence until your hosts get up.

    But if you’re comfortable waking up to a note that says “we left for brunch, give us a call when you’re up and we’ll touch base”, and you know your hosts well enough that they’d be comfortable leaving such a note, then no problem.

    Otherwise, well, that’s why some people prefer to stay in hotels.

  9. Pearatty Says:

    Also, I don’t ever have leftover brownies becasue I eat whatever’s leftover.

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