Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for October, 2011

FIRST PLACE TEAM SAYS

Monday, October 17th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

Good morning everyone!

Can it

Thursday, October 13th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

So, this happened to me yesterday…

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I packed my lunch for work during the pre-dawn hours, after my attempted kidnapping, and it didn’t work out so well. Sad to say, my office is on top of a super over priced deli, but the place has good food, so long ago I had to stop carrying cash or cards with me because I just kept spending $20 on nonsense food every day. So long story short, a can of tuna and a cork screw = sasat for Dawn.

I will spare you how far into the can opening process I attempted before realizing it wasn’t going to happen.

However, the snafu recalled a weird incident from my youth. The power in my building was out and it was a Saturday or something, so my mom and I were at home. In those days, we only ate rice, eggs, mac and cheese, franks and tuna. Jelly sandwiches were the rare treat!

Yes, yes poverty is very sad. (Also, I was very picky and these were the only things I’d probably have eaten even if we were rich.)

Anyway, with no power, the only thing we could eat was tuna, but the opener was electric, so my mom stabbed the can with a knife and cut a jagged circle in the top. It took like ten knife of pressing and turning the can before she took her fingers and peeled the metal top back, then used it to squeeze the water out of the can and dumped the fish contents out onto a plate for me.

Then she repeated the process with another can for herself, this one she topped with heaping gobs of mayo.

Dinner was ready.

I’m sure there is some lesson to be learned from the fact that when my mom was pretty much my age, she could cleave open two cans of tuna to feed her family, while I spent nine hours whining on twitter and facebook, but I can’t for the life of me figure out what that lesson is.

I may watch too many movies and TV shows…

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

I’m leaving the parking garage this morning and as I get to the top of the ramp, I notice two plastic trash cans at the entrance about 3 feet apart. I’m about to get out of the car to move one of them, when it occurs to me THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT! IT’S A TRAP!

Instead, I slowly drive through the space between the recepticles as best I can and then speed off!

Ha!

Take that NSA agents! Or Colombian drug lord kidnapppers, not sure yet who’s out to get me. But you’ve got to get up pretty early in the morning to trick Dawn J. Summers!

Television Reviews

Tuesday, October 11th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

Oh, my poor neglected blog commenters! I am so sorry! I’ve been trying to finish this post reviewing the new Fall TV shows, but that required watching 200 hours of television – not even counting my football games watching – and I just kept falling more and more behind. But I’m back and I’m sure you will agree, this post was TOTALLY worth the wait! TOTALLY! #Iwillcutyou

Two Broke Girls
This show offends me as a broke person, as a girl, as a watcher of television, and most, importantly, as a Brooklyn native. The set used for this show *supposedly* set in 2011 Brooklyn, looks like the shabby remnants of the Sanford and Son junkyard. On top of that, the premise that a Business school educated Paris Hilton type heiress has to wait tables at a diner and slum it in a basement studio with the wise cracking other “broke girl,” is beyond ridiculous. All the characters are horrible stereotypes and the writing is sloppy and unfunny. So, pretty much it’ll reign on CBS for the next twelve years.

Playboy Club
Oh, I heard this was already canceled. Boo. Why did I force myself to sit through that whole stupid episode?

Free Agents
This show has already been canceled too. And even though I watched all four episodes, I knew it would be canceled. It suffered from the common sitcom malady that the supporting cast was infinitely funnier and more interesting than the whiny, bland leads. There were some funny moments, like the “Dr. Hu,” schtick in episode 3. And it was awesome seeing Rupert Giles back on the telly.

Terra Nova
I like this show. I reserved judgment until I saw there was no huge drop off between the series premiere and the second episode, a la Lost. There wasn’t, in fact, it was even better. And considering a dinosaur eats a dude in the premiere THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING! The premise is that a hundred years in the future, the Earth is so polluted that there are Chinese like population controls in place everywhere, we all wear masks and the best shot for the future lies 500 billion years in the past. The lead family is a multi racial brood of five (in violation of the population rules.) white cop husband, Indian doctor wife, who gets chosen to go to Terra Nova. The colony is run by a John Locke type madman. There are rebels and his mysterious missing son who seems to lead them and of course, dinosaurs, yo! I totally understood all the science, so I immediately knew that all my sciency friends would hate the show.

Up All Night
Will Arnett lands on his feet after the Running Wilde debacle on Fox. Instead of Felicity, his female lead is the way funnier Christina Appelgate as his wife. He plays a stay at home dad to baby Amy. Appelgate is a TV producer for Maya Rudolph’s Oprahesque show “Ava.” Rudolph is the kooky, overbearing friend/boss who wants her friends back to their partying ways before baby Amy. There are power struggles. It’s more funny than not, but I doubt it lasts.

Charlie’s Angel
Did somebody say perposterous? I do not know why on God’s green dinosaur free earth, they would remake this show. The reason this and the Bionic Woman/Wonder Woman were so awesome in the 70s, was because there were no kick ass women on TV. So the men could drool over the hot babeness and the girls could be like “hey, I’m strong, hear me roar.” We’re beyond that now. Our female heros need more than a pretty faces and karate chops. And, boy, this show does NOT offer it. Dumb, dumb, dumb. The supposed “latina” speaks Spanish like a German. (Here, I’m assuming Germans speak Spanish poorly.) The first episode featured their take down of a Colombian overlord. Yeah, right.

A Gifted Mind
As you know, I am currently midlife crisising. A signature feature of my mid-life crisis, because I’m still a hypochondriac AND I have new health insurance, has been going to specialists to rule out conditions I’ve seen on television. (Funny posts about that to follow.) Anyway, I’ve been going to doctors nonstop for three weeks and have lots of experience with waiting rooms. So… when I watch this show about a highly succesful neurosurgeon who has dinner with his ex-wife, who is a community doctor for “the people.” But THEN it turns out SHE’S BEEN DEAD FOR TWO WEEKS! Dun dun dun. Blah blah blah, of course, she convinces him to go to her community center to get some files that she had hidden away and while he is down there a child goes into arrest and he has to rush the boy back to his fancy posh offices to work on him! *Of course* Anyway, I’m watching this thinking, dude THERE ARE PEOPLE WITH APPOINTMENTS WAITING! The show isn’t very good. I like the sassy secretary, but mostly this show was better when it was Eli Stone, cause at least then there were dance numbers!

Homeland
This show is intriguing. It follows a CIA agent who suspects that a recently released POW might actually be working for our Afghanistan enemies. But she is hiding a mental disorder that could get her kicked out of the CIA — or the disorder could be what’s making her paranoid and this POW guy is perfectly clean! It stars the alien ANNA from V as the POW’s wife who thought he was dead for 8 years and (of course) has been sleeping with his best friend. The male lead is the detective from Life. So far, it’s good.

Unforgettable
This show takes a 60 minutes segment about people with a rare recall ability, way too far. Evidently, this woman can see anything — a crime scene, a picture, a piece of paper, and remember it forever. Oh, and guess what? Her mom has Alzheimers! WHAT? TWIST! Meh. It’s okay. I’m sure I’ll stop watching very soon.

A Person of Interest
This show is about a billionaire who invented a matrix that compiles all the security videos and cookies and internet stuff and can figure out, based on patterns, that certain people are about to be involved in a crime. So he enlists a homeless man, who it turns out is a Navy Seal (groan) to help him save these people or arrest them, because he can’t figure out who will be the victim or the perpetrator, just that they’ll be involved. Yawn.

The New Girl
The problem with this show is the cast. The premise of a girl who breaks up with her boyfriend and moves in with three guys from Craig’s List is fine. But Zooey Deschanel is just NOT an ugly duckling, no matter how many random props they toss on her face. She’s a movie star. So, strike 1 & 2. I don’t buy her as the lost and quirky Jess AND I don’t believe she’ll stick around to do a sitcom on Fox for years and years. The men, except the one hapless romantic guy still in love with his ex girlfriend, ARE universally horrible. Heck, one dude already quit the show and they immediately replaced him with an equally horrible guy. That they are BOTH black, led to some twitter consternation a few days ago. Her best friend supermodel? Eye. Roll.

Ringer
I was SO excited about Sarah Michelle Gellar’s return to television. SO excited. I didn’t even read anything to find out what the show was about, I just jumped right in… well, it’s about twin sisters with a secret past and a complicated, deadly present… and one takes the other’s place, but the other is trying to make the world think she’s dead, so she puts a hit out on her sister and… sigh… I fear this show is not good… but I hate to see Buffy fail, so I watch and tell others to watch… because I am a terrible person.

Revenge
MAN, Sarah Michelle Gellar woulda been WAY better in this! It’s about a girl whose dad was setup 15 years ago who is out for…hold on, let me check my notes…oh yeah… REVENGE! Each week she takes out one more person who was part of the conspiracy lo those many years ago. The actress, best known as “Becca” on Brothers & Sisters, has about three facial expressions, but she makes do. It’s set in the Hamptons, and everything is all glamorous, so she gets by. I like the vibe of it — one vengeance scheme a week, all while the big kahuna lady has a feeling something’s not quite right with this girl, but can’t figure it out. My one huge problem is that, dude, it’s only been 15 years, could she really look SO different that NO ONE recognizes her as the daughter of this man they all obviously spent A LOT of time conspiring to royally screw over? I swear, my elementary school teachers would still recognize me, AND I’M middle aged!

Pan AM
I watched the premiere. Ugh. Basically, this movie is someone’s love letter to the olden days of women in girdles. But then, not to upset the feminist gals, they’ve thrown in a “and one of the stewardesses is also an international spy!” Boo. Yawn. Get Cristina Ricci’s agent on the line!

Prime Suspect
This is a reboot of the 1980s British series which starred Helen Mirren. I didn’t particularly care for that series, so I wandered warily into this one. But hey! Americans do it better! I like whatever her name is, not Mira Sorvino, but I keep calling her that…OH Maria Bello? She’s tough and funny and obviously catches the bad guys! Plus, she, like me, looks like a boss in a hat!

New month, new movie review posts

Tuesday, October 4th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

Cause that’s how I roll.

Happy Birthday Clareified

Tuesday, October 4th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

Whoa. Today is my eighth year blog birthday.

I’m going to try not to think too hard on the fact that the only constants since the day I started this blog and today, are my name, my mother and this blog.