Where does the good go

Dear mommy,


Thank you so much for the fancy new can opener.

However, after multiple readings of the directions AND matching of illustrations, my tuna remains unopened.

Please advise.



15 Responses to “Dear mommy,”

  1. Grange95 Says:

    My sig other has one of those voodoo openers as well. Four years, and I still can’t open anything with it.

    Yes, National Merit Scholar, perfect LSAT, Order of the Coif, Editor of UHF Law Review … and I can’t use a fancy can opener. So sad.

  2. Dawn Summers Says:

    This is why we can’t have nice things.

  3. April Says:

    I almost choked on a Circus Animal reading this.

  4. Dawn Summers Says:

    Dawn summers approves of the eating of circus animals!

  5. VinNay Says:

    It’s not a tuna!

  6. Astin Says:

    I’m guessing this is one of those “no rough edges!” ones? That you lay flat on top of the can, with the cutting blade off the side to cut under the rim instead of inside the rip on the top like a normal one? Never used one before.

    Talk about over-complicating a device. Easy solution. Pull out your old can opener and use it. If you have thrown it out in a fit of ecstasy over receiving a new fancy one, go to the local dollar store and buy one. Use it.

    Also, get one of those can sieves. One of my favourite commercials was for that. Old lady who just can’t drain a can of tuna without the can flying through the air and tuna and tuna juice all over her sink. She absolutely needs a plastic cat food lid with holes in it to put on top! So you have one more thing to clean, and 3x the effort of the usual method of draining a can.

  7. Pearatty Says:

    Yeah, get an oxo can opener. They’re nice.

  8. Jennifer Says:


    And wow, your can opener came with INSTRUCTIONS, fancy.

  9. Tae Says:

    Ugh. I hate those things! Sean had one when we moved in. I tried to live with it. I really did. But ultimately I pulled out my old one (which I think belonged to my mom before *she* was married), and it’s still going strong today.

    But in any event, here, let me Google that for you:

    If yours doesn’t have little claws to lift the lid, don’t worry about it, a fingernail will do.

  10. Dawn Summers Says:

    I am so curious about the commercial that convinced my mom she needed to buy this thing. It’s not like she holds any kind of high.esteem, so the commercial must have shown a blind infant using it somehow.

  11. Tae Says:

    Maybe she figures if she can get you to open a can of soup, you’ll use the cookware she bought you.

    …Just don’t tell her about the microwave.

  12. Ugarles Says:

    Grange: UHF?

  13. fisch Says:

    Grange pulled the ultimate humble brag.

  14. Ugarles Says:

    Fisch +1

  15. fisch Says:

    Ty ty.

    But as you hinted to…the fact that he/she went to the school of Weird Al, kinda dampens the accolades.

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