Clareified

Where does the good go

Comedy on call

Gawrsh, I became so used to using my mandatory break to write posts about “Miss Lewinsky,” (Get it? I was gonna say “that woman,”) that I find myself flumoxxed. Is that how one spells that word? It seems a little porny. Flumoxxxed 2 Starring Dirk Diggler as pizza guy number 1.

I’ve never seen a porno, yet my impression is that there’s always a pizza guy and a plumber. Is that correct? Come on, you can tell me. I don’t judge. #liesDawntells

How do people get pornos now anyways, is it all internet and cable? I know blockbuster rebukes them. Wow, this post has lost its wiggity wiggity way.

Instead of writing about people who make me mad, I decided I’d write about people who make me laugh. In this case, one Ugarles, with whom I had a hilarious text conversation today about my mom getting hasseled by the police last night when she told them she didn’t hear the guy getting shot to death outside her building. And an equally funny, unbloggable conversation.

Actually, lately I’ve been using Ugarles as my own personal writing staff for my own amusement. During the whole supermoon hubbub, I decided there had to be a funny “if you get caught between the supermoon and New York City” joke. I couldn’t think of one, but the setup line made me laugh, so I sent it to Ugarles for him to finish it and he TOTALLY did in like five seconds! Wait, lemmee go find it.

Me: If you get caught between the supermoon and new york city, the best that you can do is…

Ugarles: Hope that Russell Brand doesn’t piss on your grave.

And then the day after President Obama had the “bin laden is dead” press conference, I tried to do a Kanye West interrupts Taylor Swift tweet like “Mr. President, imma let you finish, but John Wilkes Booth had the greatest assasination of all time.” But that just wasn’t quite up to @realdawnsummers’ super high standards.

O_O

(Ooh, did you guys see Keith Olbermann and the Sports Guy, Bill Simmons’ twitter beef? Simmons tweeted that the Lakers dynasty just made the left turn at Dealey Plaza…” And Olby called him tacky for mocking President Kennedy’s murder. Then Simmons called Olby a hack on a bootleg TV station and then Olby said “ooh tough talk coming from a guy with a *podcast* buuurrrrnnnn.)

Anyway, so I outsourced the Faux Kanye tweet to Ugarles:

Me: Complete this kanye tweet: President Obama, imma let you finish, but…

Ugarles: …you know what? I’ll just let you finish. You just had someone shot in the head.”

Hahahaha

Ugarles funny.

And for no reason at all, here’s a picture of Sidney riding a “New York City horsey”:

image

4 Responses to “Comedy on call”

  1. Pearatty Says:

    Possibly the cutest picture ever. And I’ve got my own kid, so that’s saying something.

  2. StB Says:

    Please get back to the worklady making your life hell. That is much more entertaining.

  3. Ugarles Says:
  4. Ugarles Says:

    [adds StB to the “dead to me” list]

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