Your friend decides that your new nickname is “honey badger” and when you say “why?”, he says “google honey badger don’t care.”
And then you see this:
Congratulations, you have just been Dawn Summers for five minutes.
You’re welcome!
Me: Vancouver won the Western conference.
Her: No, the Mavs beat Oklahoma last night.
Me: Ohh, basketball?
Her: What are you talking about?
Me: Umm…the same thing as you? And definitely not hockey. *whistles*
*Hides passport in freezer*
I’ve discovered that my super power is deciding to do things that’ll make me feel awful, doing them and then feeling awful!
It’s awesome. Kanye knows. Here’s to us:
Let’s have a toast for the douchebags
Let’s have a toast for the assholes
Let’s have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know
Let’s have a toast for the jerk-offs
That’ll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Runaway fast as you can
Ftrain: I thought you hated that guy, why are you following him now?
Me: Oh, he made me laugh on twitter. We’re cool now.
#hilaritywhore
“I syill.lot tllllllkkkllkkj Rus” -Me
Which I believe means “There are two open bars here” in ancient Egyptian. (Someone went to a wedding in the Brooklyn Museum of Art this weekend and may have awakened an ancient Pharoah curse when she tried to wear the sacred mask of Sheba as a hat.)
Congratulations to the newlyweds Kaz and Tito!
You know that thing where you care about something and your heart goes out to people even though you, your family, the Patriots or the Mets are not harmed in any way? What’s that thing called?
I totally want to do it.
O_O
At first, he couldn’t wave at all. He’s just your regular average Chinese baby.
Then, after five minutes under the tutelage of yours truly AND exposure to my three step champion waving system, presto chango: Awesome waving Chinese baby!
And anybody who says this took all weekend is a liar! Five minutes! The other day and a half was spent teaching him to reject Lady Gaga and embrace Madonna!
Happy Birthday, Kaz!
I don’t know why F-train kept trying to get me not to go to your party.
He was all texting me “stay home, Dawn!”
“Ooh, look at the pretty pictures on the television!”
And I was all “No! You stop that! I’m putting on my Liberace sneakers RIGHT NOW!”
And then he’s all “those sneakers are ugly.”
Gasp.
Why is such a tiny man filled with so much hate?
Looking forward to attending the event of the decade in a couple of weeks!
No elephants please.
New post up at The Emporium.
Thank you so much for the fancy new can opener.
However, after multiple readings of the directions AND matching of illustrations, my tuna remains unopened.
Please advise.
Love,
Dawn
