Clareified

Those days are gone forever; I should just let 'em go but…

Archive for May, 2011

Umm…so…

Tuesday, May 31st, 2011 by Dawn Summers

Your friend decides that your new nickname is “honey badger” and when you say “why?”, he says “google honey badger don’t care.”

And then you see this:

Congratulations, you have just been Dawn Summers for five minutes.

You’re welcome!

Conversation of the Day

Thursday, May 26th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

Me: Vancouver won the Western conference.

Her: No, the Mavs beat Oklahoma last night.

Me: Ohh, basketball?

Her: What are you talking about?

Me: Umm…the same thing as you? And definitely not hockey. *whistles*

*Hides passport in freezer*

Have a good weekend!

Wednesday, May 25th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

I’ve discovered that my super power is deciding to do things that’ll make me feel awful, doing them and then feeling awful!

It’s awesome. Kanye knows. Here’s to us:

Let’s have a toast for the douchebags
Let’s have a toast for the assholes
Let’s have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know

Let’s have a toast for the jerk-offs
That’ll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Runaway fast as you can

Conversation of the day

Tuesday, May 24th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

Ftrain: I thought you hated that guy, why are you following him now?

Me: Oh, he made me laugh on twitter. We’re cool now.

#hilaritywhore

Quote of my weekend

Monday, May 23rd, 2011 by Dawn Summers

“I syill.lot tllllllkkkllkkj Rus” -Me

Which I believe means “There are two open bars here” in ancient Egyptian. (Someone went to a wedding in the Brooklyn Museum of Art this weekend and may have awakened an ancient Pharoah curse when she tried to wear the sacred mask of Sheba as a hat.)

Congratulations to the newlyweds Kaz and Tito!

Not so random question

Monday, May 16th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

You know that thing where you care about something and your heart goes out to people even though you, your family, the Patriots or the Mets are not harmed in any way? What’s that thing called?

I totally want to do it.

O_O

Aunt Dawn teaches Alex to wave

Sunday, May 15th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

At first, he couldn’t wave at all. He’s just your regular average Chinese baby.


Photo SharingVideo SharingPhoto Printing

Then, after five minutes under the tutelage of yours truly AND exposure to my three step champion waving system, presto chango: Awesome waving Chinese baby!


Photo SharingVideo SharingPhoto Printing

And anybody who says this took all weekend is a liar! Five minutes! The other day and a half was spent teaching him to reject Lady Gaga and embrace Madonna!

Ring the birthday bell!

Thursday, May 12th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

Happy Birthday, Kaz!

I don’t know why F-train kept trying to get me not to go to your party.

He was all texting me “stay home, Dawn!”

“Ooh, look at the pretty pictures on the television!”

And I was all “No! You stop that! I’m putting on my Liberace sneakers RIGHT NOW!”

And then he’s all “those sneakers are ugly.”

Gasp.

Why is such a tiny man filled with so much hate?

Looking forward to attending the event of the decade in a couple of weeks!

No elephants please.

I get mixed up with Lady Gaga!

Thursday, May 12th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

New post up at The Emporium.

Dear mommy,

Wednesday, May 11th, 2011 by Dawn Summers

image

Thank you so much for the fancy new can opener.

However, after multiple readings of the directions AND matching of illustrations, my tuna remains unopened.

Please advise.

Love,

Dawn