Photoblogging
Apparently, when I try to write posts for money I am an epic failure.
There goes yet another dream down the tube. Now, I’m too depressed to write blog, so you’re going to get this. You can all thank Alceste for his soul crushing “that was the worst thing to appear in print on any of your blogs ever” assessment. And considering that he was also the one to tell me to “enjoy your shallow grave,” that I remember the critique of my writing more tells you something.
Anyway, remember how I told you about my mother and her teleshopping problem? Well, today she came over with her friend to “bring some things.” I can’t even begin…I…just take a gander:
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New hanging silverware. Because she lost one of the forks from the last hanging silverware set she bought me. When I put all the silverware in the dishwater, she yelled at me because “no, you’re not to use those! They’re just in case.”
O_o
Are there silverware emergencies that I don’t yet know about? Are entire civilizations brought to their knees because at a crucial juncture a spoon could not readily be snatched from the silverware rack? Moving on…
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A combination mixer and blender because…um…I dunno.
Next:
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A twenty piece Wolfgang Puck stainless steel pot set which can also be used in the oven up to 450 degrees. You know, for all the cooking and baking I do.
Bringing us to:
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Matching stainless steel big forks and spoons. For stirring. And sticking in things? Or entertaining giants?
And now…here I’m a little concerned that my mother’s “Clarefield” act is a charade and she’s totally been reading my blog, we come to…
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A brand new coffee maker!
I made a cup. It was a bazillion times better than the easy bake oven coffee, but still weak. I may have to accept the reality that it may be the Folgers’ fault. But I like vanilla coffee! *dispatches waaambulance*
But we’re not done yet. For the bathroom, she replaced my Dial handwashing soap with…
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An automatic soap dispenser! So, I thought this was cool…but now I’m not so sure it’s obvious that the soap is in this thing. What do you think? Do I need to put up a sign? Not that anyone visits me here, but still. If they did, I don’t want them not washing their hands.
But I digress…let’s continue with the parade of goodness:
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Bed ruffles? 12 bed ruffles? What? I have two beds. Neither of them will EVER be ruffled.
Um and then there’s…
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An under the bed shoe organizer? Um. I got nothing. And just when I thought I’d seen it all… that there were no more questions I could possibly have…
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My mother beats me yet again.
Well played, Joyce Summers. Well played.
February 28th, 2011 at 1:18 am
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now. I’ve never commented before. This is…wow. Those figurines made me lose my train of thought.
February 28th, 2011 at 1:21 am
Yup, me too. Thanks for commenting!
February 28th, 2011 at 9:44 am
I think you should try illustrating your tales, a la this site:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/
For some inexplicable reason, I’m digging the figurines.
February 28th, 2011 at 11:13 am
Wait…you hate the Glee soundtrack but *like* these inane figurines?? O_o #weirdo
February 28th, 2011 at 12:37 pm
LOL Those figurines are a riot. My mom got me a punch bowl last year. A. PUNCH. BOWL. No, I don’t make punch.
Love your humor, and I’m glad Survive Donkey Island got me to check you out. I’m officially hooked now.
February 28th, 2011 at 12:50 pm
This is payback for being an annoying creature of energy. What, you’re the only one who can reference Buffy?
I have a large set of cutlery in a closet for dinner parties of more than 8 people. I’ve used it once. BUT! Say you’re attacked by zombies, and the only way to kill them is to stab them in the brain. Would you want to touch the silverware after you’ve killed a zombie, or would you rather have EXTRA silverware to use as weapons? Think about that.
You getting a 20-piece cookware set is hilarious.
The giant forks and spoons? Also for entertaining of course, so you can serve the meal you have created with your Wolfgang Puck set to your 20 dinner guests who are using your emergency silverware. Or for pretending you live in a world of giants and have to use their mega-sized cutlery.
Coffee maker – try 2 tablespoons or more per cup?
Soap dispenser – just leave a little bit of soap caked around the spout and people will figure it out… maybe. As long as they use the giant spoons to serve themselves food though, you should be okay either way.
Nobody… and I mean NOBODY needs 12 bed ruffles… almost nobody needs 1 when they look like that. But it would help hide the under-bed shoe organizer.
I got nothing on the figurines. Maybe you mom wants you to think back to the good times of the 1920′s… I hear they were roaring.
February 28th, 2011 at 1:37 pm
These figurines are quite delightful compared to that gawd-awful Glee soundtrack. I’ve been subjected to horrible music many times (hmm, wonder where? *_*) but that was just pure torture – and I tend to have a high pain threshold. I tried to ignore it by playing games on my phone but it got too unbearable – I had to resort to headphones and the volume turned way up on my ipod.
Looking forward to the next trip when Alceste drives and we get to listen to Nirvana!
: )
February 28th, 2011 at 1:49 pm
LOL @astinto, you kill me. You are well on your way to clinching commenter of the year honors. hahahaha
February 28th, 2011 at 2:36 pm
People will know it’s a soap dispenser.
As for all the cookware, just invite people who actually cook. I’m looking at Tae.
Weirdly I like the figurines too. I usually hate that stuff.
Just say no to ruffles.
February 28th, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Um, I can’t believe I’m envying you for having new cookware, even if it is Wolfgang Puck (which as it turns out is not bad quality), and even if you’re never going to use it other than as doorstops, or to kill bugs/trap mice, or to pour paint in when you decide to paint the trim on your apartment. Maybe your mom got us confused.
February 28th, 2011 at 6:53 pm
hahaha I dunno, did a crazy black lady come over to your house and bring you Rangers tickets? Cause then…
March 1st, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Just look at it this way: now you never need to buy anyone a wedding gift again. That is, aside from me. I don’t want no cast offs!
March 1st, 2011 at 4:34 pm
hahahaha OMG I know a very lucky bride who is about to get four bed ruffles, an under the bed shoe organizer AND TWO SWIMMER FIGURINES!! TWO! HAHAHAHAHAHAH
March 1st, 2011 at 7:53 pm
I’m pretty sure Smokey has always loved swimmer figurines.
Can’t you sell the bed ruffles on ebay or something?
March 1st, 2011 at 9:56 pm
Only four of the bed ruffles??
Mr. Smokey says that he knows exactly where the Swimmer Figurines are going. I’m not sure what he means by that…
March 1st, 2011 at 10:14 pm
I’ve got another wedding in May.