Clareified

Where does the good go

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I don’t handle change well. And I’m not just talking about the bucket full of quarters, nickels and pennies weighing down my favorite handbag because there is a tear in the fabric and coins always manage to slip through. I’m talking about the fact that I am so irrationally attached to that bag that won’t give it up, even though it weighs a ton and takes FOREVER to get through airport security.

Every morning, in the weeks following the end of Daylight Savings time, I squint at the sunlight streaming through the window, peer quizzically at the clock and then realize “oh, yeah. It’s really 8:28, now. Not 7:28.” Then, I pull the covers over my head.

Except, it’s not. It *IS* 7:28 now. But if it were 8:28, I am very very late for work and why on earth am I going back to sleep?! Reason #1,567,896 Dawn Summers fails at life.

It’s been a very “time to accept change” few weeks in the Summersverse.

I found my usually stoic emotionally detached self knocked on my ass and discovered a number of amazing things. A girl, who just a couple of years ago was only one of my “invisible internet friends,” has become a really good “IRL friend.” A guy I wanted to stab in the throat at the poker table because he was mean to me, really is one of the sweetest people I know.

Sadly, I also realized that a few of the people I thought would be forever and evers have somehow slipped into the realm of I wonder what happened to.

I will never pretend to understand how these things work. There are people to whom I couldn’t have been more cold and disinterested, but for some reason they stay and it’s good and I’m glad. There are people to whom I couldn’t have been kinder and more generous, yet they kicked in me the face till my teeth fell out in shattered pieces. And they’re gone, but that’s good too and I’m glad.

But the key, and the part I struggle against every day — sometimes hourly — is recognizing the change. Accept the new shoulder to cry on; avoid the boot heading for your face, familiar though it may be.

Remove the covers. Get out of bed. It’s a new day. It’s a new Dawn. And I’m feeling fine.

Trouble With Love
Miguel Pinero

There are things that never change
And we are not one of them my dear,
Trouble with our love is here

The trouble with our love is around
When you can’t look me in the eye, and lie
When you run so far away,
That you forget where to go back …
Now, you are what you never want to be,
Go ahead,
blame me …

There are things that never change
Now we are two strangers with a past
And a future,that ain’t gonna last
And that is a trouble with our love,
Last night we saw things like we never did,
We both went our way, and hid …

12 Responses to “Ch-ch-ch-changes”

  1. F-Train Says:

    You should have stabbed the guy in the throat. Bloodletting is always more fun. Unless it was me, in which case… “good impulse control”.

  2. Dawn summers Says:

    Just say you’re sorry! You can still be with the wizard. What you’ve worked and waited for! You can have all you’ve ever wanted!

  3. F-Train Says:

    Tho I can’t imagine how I hope you’re happy right now. I’m stuck listening to that damn song.

  4. Angela Says:

    I tried to comment on this post from home the other day and it wouldn’t let me!!

    Anyway, what I said was that I still like and read your poetry Wednesdays even though I have put myself in internet jail at work and no longer comment (or twitter) (or read blogs too much at all).

    Also, and this is probably why my comment froze up/got eaten, I posted a link for Pearatty about our beloved RDJ shilling as the voice of Mr. Peanut. The video of the commercial was highly cringe-worthy and made me sad.

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