Clareified

Where does the good go

Spanning the Tube

Oh my! It’s almost Halloween and I haven’t given you my take on the 2010 television landscape! Color me forgetful!

Well, let’s get to it, this might be in a weird NBC, Fox, ABC, CBS, CW order because that’s how I copied and pasted them from the sites. Also, I must say, I feel like I’m no longer watching that much TV…scary, I know. But in my defense, I watch a lot of poker and football shows that aren’t represented in this lineup.

And no, I still don’t watch reality shows. If I want reality I will leave my house and volunteer at a homeless shelter. Or adopt a child.

30 Rock

Ah, the gang’s back! Liz, Trace, Jack, Jenna and even Kenneth who was fired at the end of last season and began this season working at CBS. Sigh, it’s not as great as the first two seasons, but it’s still better than most of the crap out there AND the live episode made my week. Not that alcoholism is funny. And not that I’m an alcoholic.

Chase

I had high hopes for this show. Well, except for the lead being a skinny blond woman, I like law enforcement shows where the lead is a strong woman. Sadly, this show is terrible. I watched one episode and it took three vodka snow cones for me to make it through. Or I should say, I had three vodka snow cones because I would pause it when I got bored and would go make another one. It’s a whole thing…wait, where was I…don’t watch this show, it’s bad and annoying and frankly, a little bit racist. And I repeat, I am NOT an alcoholic.

Chuck

How is Chuck still on the air? HOW?? I don’t get it? Bionic Woman, Life, the Nine…(hmm…I forgot to make my annual Fisch bet this year…) they all die, BUT CHUCK LIVES? There is no TV God. Alceste says he thinks this season is better than the last, I guess that’s true, but only because last season SUCKED HAIRY…um…there is no non gross way to end that sentence, is there? I apologize. I do love Linda Hamilton. Though…man, she has NOT aged well. Sad face.

Community

I don’t think I’ve blogged about how much I enjoy this show, though I tweet the sentiment quite often. I know not many people watch. In fact, last year I wrote that I thought it was okay, but was certain it would be canceled. I was wrong. After a few anemic episodes, this show came into its own with one of the funniest 22 minutes ever aired on TV with last year’s paintball episode. This year has picked right up where last season left off, with an awesome Betty White cameo AND a hilarious “simulated rocket launch.” I didn’t much care for the last episode, but with a show as tongue-in-cheek as Community, when they hit, they hit and when they miss…well, you still have the paintball episode saved on your DVR.

Law and Order: Los Angeles

I HATE THIS SHOW. I HATE THE COPS. I HATE THE STORYLINES. I HATE THE SETTING. I HATE….THE INTRO. I wish I could take credit for this, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was off about it until I read the following tweet from @basseyworldlive “These are some happy ass murders.” Precisely. The show is colored wrong, the dialogue is off, at no point do you BELIEVE that these actors are law or order! Blah. Terrible. Bring back the New York one, at least those bodies looked real.

Law and Order: SVU

Great double header to open the season, guest starring Malcolm from Lost as a suspect with a TWIST! Now, see? THIS is a Law and Order! Murders, victims, blood, PERPS! TWISTS! Aww, I’m home again.

The Office

Last season was SO bad, I was going to quit. Also, I HATE Erin and her stupid mousey face…but then, I dunno, they’ve regained something this season. That episode where Jim was going to keep adding keys to Dwight’s ring…classic! Reminded me of the good old days of Jim pranks before the crap about Sabre buying them out. I like the Office when they stick to plausible office scenarios, but are funny about it. Michael having to go to Toby for counseling? PERFECT. I’m back.

Outsourced

Look, on the one hand, this show is awful. On the other hand, do you want to be responsible for 12 Indian from India actors losing their jobs? Okay then.

Undercovers

Please, see what I wrote for Outsourced, but change Indian from India to black and 12 to three.

Bones

Yay! I love Bones. I love the characters, I love the storylines, I love the murders, and I love the solutions. I hate Booth’s new girlfriend. If they would just kill her off and have Bones solve the murder, I’d be cool. How great was the David Allen Grier guest spot??? A-MAY-ZING!

Family Guy

I still DVR this. But I still have episodes saved from last season that I haven’t finished. This show is the very definition of hit or miss. When it’s great, I don’t want to miss out, but when it bites, I can’t get through it and they just pile up.

Fringe

This is clearly the show’s best season. They have their footing, but I am still skeptical about their ability to pull off this double Olivia stuff…especially since Olivia is my least favorite character. But, at least we also kinda get double Walter. I’m in wait and see mode, if they cop out or shank it, I’m definitely quitting the show this season. Definitely! Ooh and Bubbles from The Wire should come back AND QUICK!

Glee

They sing, they dance, there’s a lot of drama set to music and costumes! They had me at “sing.” If you love Broadway and TV, this is the show for you. Also, Sue Sylvester might be one of the greatest TV characters ever. If you don’t love Broadway and TV, well, I feel sorry for you, cause you’re going to burn in hell. What? It’s in the bible. Like toward the back part.

House

Me no likey House and the boss lady being in a relationship. Me really no likey how explicit and prominent those scenes have been. Sadly, I’ll be even more pissed if they break them up. Really, I need them to be together, but have the show never mention it. Ever.

Lie To Me

Sigh. Sometimes this show is great. Sometimes it’s dumb. Like when a bunch of guys are stuck in a mine, but they don’t call engineers to get them out, NO! They CALL CAL LIGHTMAN! Cause he can read faces and get to the truth. Dude. They need a drill and a pulley, rat’s ass about the truth. And this happens A LOT. A Dude drives up to the White House with a bomb…no bomb squad…Lightman Group! COME ON! Also, I don’t get why they fired the black FBI guy. Annoying.

Raising Hope

I really should have put this show first. IT’S BRILLIANT, TOUCHING, HILARIOUS, GENIUS, PERFECT. It’s about a guy who has a one night stand with a serial killer, she is sentenced to death row, finds out she’s pregnant and when she’s executed, the guy is given custody of the baby. Of course, he’s a loser who lives at home with his parents. I laugh so hard when I watch this show, I have to rewind it because I’ve missed stuff. I love it so much, I didn’t even notice that there are no black in it till right this minute. GO WATCH! RIGHT NOW! ALL THE EPS ARE ONLINE AT FOX.COM. No, I’ll wait. GO!

Running Wilde

Um…see what I said about Raising Hope? Take the opposite of all that. He plays a really rich guy trying to impress his hippie ex-girlfriend and her daughter. Blah. Suck. It’s a real shame too because Will Arnett can be funny.

The Simpsons

The Simpsons will always be the Simpsons. The Lisa coaches Bart’s baseball team episode will be a classic.

Shit My Dad Says

I thought the show about a son that has to move back home with his ornery cranky dad was okay. I laughed. It’s not awesome, but it’s a solid “Meh.” And for a CBS comedy, well, that’s like an Emmy. However, since CBS doesn’t offer the episodes online for free, I can no longer watch it. Oh well.

Blue Bloods

Good to see Tom Brady’s baby mama can still get employment. But, this show about a rabble of Irish working cops is SO formulaic, I feel like I’m in high school physics class. Oh snap! See what I did there? I watched the premiere, never watched again.

CSI

OH MY GOSH, you guys, I QUIT CSI! I don’t even record them anymore! This and Smallville are the only two shows that are still airing that I “used to watch”! Who’s proud of me?

The Defenders

I watched the first episode of this show about two Las Vegas defense attorneys. The law? ALL WRONG. It was mildly amusing, but Jerry O’Connell is TV show death, so I won’t bother watching it again. NO way it lasts. (Dawn has pretty much just guaranteed syndication.)

The Good Wife

I’m glad I didn’t quit this show when I said that I would! It’s SOOO good. Mr. Big is still not that big a part of the show, which is boss because I hate him, but the other characters: Calinda, the PI, Alicia, the cheated on wife, the partners…oh so so good! You should be watching. And heck, you can pick it up right in the middle…so start watching!

Hawaii Five-O

I like this show. It’s a cop show, it’s set in Hawaii. It’s been uneven so far…hated the gun running storyline, loved the hostage taking storyline…Lines. They had two back to back…but I’ll be interested to see if they do more back storytelling rather than “crime of the weeks.”

The Mentalist

Last year, I thought I loved this show, then I started watching Castle and I see how derivative The Mentalist is…I’ll probably quit it soon, if they don’t go back to letting the Mentalist search for his wife’s killer. There are too many “crimes of the week” shows out there that do it so much better than The Mentalist. Let Jane be unique and maybe I’ll get back into it. Also, why CBS doesn’t offer episodes of this show online, I can’t understand. It’s driving me batty since my DVR missed the first episode of the season. However, the fact that it hasn’t changed my understanding of anything…well, bad sign.

Mike & Molly

I watched the first two episodes of this sitcom about “Plus-sized love.” But that’s all it was, fat joke after fat joke. Blah.

Brothers & Sisters

I have been promising to quit this show for three seasons. But I mean it this time, I’m done with the annoying limousine liberal Walker clan! Totally! Done. I’m leaving! For real this time!

Castle

I love Castle! I love his face, and his words and his mom and his house and his job. And I love Beckett and the other cops and I love their crimes. I HATE HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND. Well, and his daughter, but that sounds kinda mean to say…so…I HATE HIS GIRLFRIEND! This show is so funny and witty, I could watch it for hours and hours…and have!

Cougartown

DON’T JUDGE ME! It’s funny! I swear. I KNOW I KNOW…it just is. The cast and the writing…dude, what can I say. It’s funny.

Desperate Housewives

Sigh. I was SO excited to see Vanessa Williams join the cast… but the writers have already let me down. Why would she BE CHASING a contractor! AND WHY WOULD SHE GIVE UP? VOMIT. Vanessa Williams is amazing, she deserves better than the crap treatment black women get on network television. And fuck is up with replacing Gabrielle’s fat daughter with a skinny one? This show is doing the MOST to make me hate myself! But it won’t work! I have self esteem! You hear that MARC CHERRY! I love my fat black woman self and you can’t stop me!

Detroit 187

This show had a chance to really stand out. It could have done an amazing episode…instead, it copped out and is now just an okay cop show. I don’t really get the point of it – I mean, they have solved every homicide so far, but my sense about real Detroit homicides, is that the problem is they keep racking them up, but they never solve them…am I wrong? Plus, the scenery is so damn depressing.

Grey’s Anatomy

This season is so weak. Yet, I am so invested in these characters that I still cry almost every episode. I’m a sap. But if you aren’t also already similarly invested, there’s no need to start watching. Unless, you’re gonna rent all the past seasons…which are awesomesauce!

The Middle

I go back and forth on this show. You should know I HATE Patricia Heaton. But I kinda like the Janitor and I love the kids, so…I watch. It makes me laugh. I’m not saying you need to watch though…

Modern Family

I am MAD at this show right now. Making fun of Tom Brady getting hurt… THE DAMN HELL ASS NERVE! But it’s usually pretty hilarious, so I will assume someone just had an off day. I will recommend this show…but I’m keeping my eye on it! Hear that? Modern Family? WATCH Yourselves!

My Generation

I actually liked this show. However, since the “documentary” about ten kids who graduated high school in 2000, has already been canceled, not much more needs to be said. Plus, it did kinda make me feel old.

No Ordinary Family

THIS SHOW IS SOOOOOO TERRIBLE. I MEAN CRINGE TERRIBLE. Like you watch them and you can actually see them thinking “oh, I need to act all upset now, so I will contort my face in an upset manner” ARRRGGHHH. I JUST DON’T GET IT. Superpowers are supposed to make a show cool, these idiots find a way to make them make the show WORSE. CANCEL THIS! PLEASE! Or recast it…I known some Indian from India actors that may need work soon.

Private Practice

This is another one of my about to be cut shows. I do not like what they’ve done with Dell or Maya or Sam or Naomi in the last 15 episodes. I’m actually all kinds of mad. Do not start watching this show under any circumstances. Or rent the old DVDs. See? Told ya I was mad.

Gossip Girl

So far, this season is better than the last. I like the Blair/Chuck feud. I find Serena and Dan increasingly annoying, but I’ll still watch for the snappy angry dialogue.

Life Unexpected

Cute show. I still watch. It may be on the verge of jumping the proverbial shark with this teacher/student love affair thing… And then I’ll stop. It already takes all I have to remember that I watch. If it starts being gross, I’m out like sprout.

Vampire Diaries

This is currently my favorite drama. I know, everyone is over the vampire thing…but they somehow make it new and fresh and funny and deliciously evil again. It’s set in a small town called Mystic Falls and there are two brothers, who are both vampires because they both fell in love with the same woman 175 years ago AND SHE WAS A VAMPIRE AND TURNED THEM! AND NOW in present day there is a young high school girl that LOOKS just like THAT VAMP! And no one knows WHY! Okay, that may sound weird, but I promise, it’s good.

Empire Boardwalk

Four episodes in and I don’t know what or why I’m watching. But I’ll keep watching cause it’s HBO and I REFUSE to be all left out of the “hype” again like with Dexter and Mad Men. I will suffer through because I am desperate to be cool. Wait…I don’t think I’m supposed to admit that… fucking Marc Cherry is inside my head!!

29 Responses to “Spanning the Tube”

  1. fisch Says:

    First: It’s Boardwalk Empire, dyslexic you!

    Second: Okay, time for our annual bet. I bet that My Generation won’t last the season. What’s that? You want to bet 40 this year? No 20 is fine with me. It’s okay.

    Third: We’ve been watching Chuck and it’s gotten better and better UNTIL this season which we think is crap. So your taste is all backwards. You should call it your etsat.

    Fourth: You’re an addict.

    Fifth: You’ve got a problem.

    Sixth: You have every show on tv except for my wife’s old-time fave “one tree hill”? You’re a hater.

  2. Grange95 Says:

    Ummm, Boners (as my sig other calls it) is awesome. A-may-zing, indeed!

    The Mentalist is also top notch. Stop hating. Just enjoy the flim-flammery.

    You’re right about CSI. used to be my fave show, now … meh.

  3. SNI Says:

    I totally don’t have time to take on another show, I really don’t!! but NOW I am going to have to watch Raising Hope!! I won’t blame you…entirely.

  4. Pdov Says:

    The thing about Raising Hope is the parents….they look as young as the son..it weirds me out.

    My Generation is the WORST. So predictable. So annoying. How did you like this?!

    Bones. Sigh. I love that show. Hate the gf too. So annoying. Gee I wonder if Brennan will change her mind. Also, Angel…I mean Booth is all happy, doesn’t work for me. I need him to brood. (I’m behind 2 eps. How awesome was the Jersey Shore ep?A: Super awesome)

    How do you not watch NCIS? Best show ever. Even Angela watches. Will never watch CSI – so annoying after Grisom left.

    I heard the Office is awesome this year. Must watch soon.

  5. Ken Wheaton Says:

    How the HELL do you have time to watch all this?

    Anyway. Yeah, Cougar Town IS funny as shit.

  6. Dawn summers Says:

    I do very little else.

  7. Mary Says:

    New shows I’m watching – Raising Hope, Boardwalk Empire and Terriers.

    Of all the new shows I love Raising Hope the best. And I don’t even like babies! The best part is the adults – Martha Plimpton, Garrett Dillahunt, and Cloris Leachman are great.

    I’ve watched the first Boardwalk Empire episode, have the rest DVR’ed so I can’t really say much about the show.

    Terriers started out good – the first four episodes covered one story arc but now they’ve gone to a single story line for the latest episodes. I still enjoy it but I did like the continuous plot. Anyway, it has Rene from the first season of True Blood and I like me some Rene.

    I’ve checked out the Law & Order UK on BBCAmerica – seems pretty close to the NY show (what little I’ve seen of it) but of course the British court system is not going to be as theatrical as the American one.

    I’m looking forward to The Walking Dead which starts this Sunday on AMC. Should be fun!

  8. Chilly Says:

    In no particular order, you need:

    help
    a boyfriend
    a new hobby
    to become a Liverpool fan
    more alcohol
    less television

    Are you watching HIMYM, Big Bang Theory or 3 Men?

  9. Astin Says:

    I had no idea there were this many shows ON TV.

    I watch… Bones. It’s good.

    Also Glee, but I’m still catching up from last season. Sue Sylvester rocks in countless ways. But then, Jane Lynch always has.

    Yah, that’s it. Oh, and Stargate Universe, but you’d hate that, so don’t bother watching it.

  10. Pearatty Says:

    Hmm. Of the shows I watch, I am almost in total agreement with you. Scary.

    1. Raising Hope — I know!! This show is so great. Agree with everything you said. The pilot has got to be one of the best, richest episodes of sit-com television I’ve ever seen.

    2. Community — This is still on? What time? Can they put it on instead of Running Wilde? Cause Running Wilde sucks. And Community is pretty good when it hits. Are they on the same network?

    3. Mike & Molly — Yep. Total disappointment. The ads for the show made me think “wow, that looks like it might actually be a thoughtful comedy which happens to star fat people. That probably will take a lot of skill to write in a way that’s funny without being offensive.” Yeah, no. Just fat jokes. The bottom of the barrel for comedy.

    4. Cougartown — No. This show is not funny. Whingey rich alcoholics lazing about. That’s right, I said whinghey.

    5. Did you see on Glee how Kurt’s Dad totally called him out on harassing Finn last season!!? Glad they addressed that.

    6. Hawaii Five-0 — I have it on good authority that there is a season long story arc and Spike is going to be the big bad on this show this season.

    I watch some of those other shows, but I don’t care enough about them to comment.

  11. Gerard Says:

    A DAG cameo? How did I miss that?

    Raising Hope looks good, but there are too many conflicting shows I want to watch in that time slot. The Office does look better this season-how could it possibly be worse-but I’m not sure I’m convinced it’s turned a corner.

    Finally, Brothers and Sisters? Why would you watch that show, especially after Rachel Griffiths left the cast?

    You should also start watching The League and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. AND LOUIE! I know, it’s on hiatus, but when it comes back check it out. You won’t regret it.

  12. Alceste Says:

    The only bad part about Raising Hope was realizing that Martha Plimpton is 40 and that she really could have a 21-year old son (although the actor who plays her son on the show is in his mid-20’s).

    I also feel the same way about The Middle. Can’t stand Patricia Heaton, but if I am home when it’s on, it’s always what I watch (altho I can’t be bothered to record it).

  13. Dawn summers Says:

    Oh my gosh! I don’t know HOW I missed HIMYM! I do like that show a lot! It’s losing steam though. He needs to meet this woman already. I do watch louie, true blood and always sunny, but I didn’t think new eps were on yet…

  14. Dawn summers Says:

    Wait…and who said rachel griffiths left brothers and sisters? I haven’t seen last night, but she’s been in the previous three eps

  15. Pdov Says:

    Always Sunny is on! And it’s available on Hulu. I love that show. #you’rewelcome

    Louie is less funny than his first show. It’s getting better though.

  16. Pdov Says:

    P – “Did you see on Glee how Kurt’s Dad totally called him out on harassing Finn last season!!? Glad they addressed that.”

    I haven’t watched Glee this season, but now I totally want to watch again.

  17. Gerard Says:

    I didn’t watch Lucky Louie, but from what I’ve heard it sounds dreadful. I agree that Louie isn’t always funny in a conventional sense, although there are moments that are funnier than anything I’ve seen on television to this point. For example, this and this But even the parts that aren’t purely humorous are brilliantly written.

    Some of the scenes, e.g. Louie attacking Nick DiPaolo over an argument about Obama, the dream sequence involving him meeting Osama Bin Laden, the scene where he backs down from a teenaged bully in front of his date, these are things I couldn’t imagine any other scripted television comedy writing, let alone broadcasting.

  18. Gerard Says:

    BTW, Terriers is good as well. I’ve been waiting for Donal Logue to get another regular television gig, although I didn’t think it would be a drama on FX. I also like the police detective who is continually smoking on an e-cigarette. At first I thought the idea of the archetypal hard-ass, non-nonsense detective inhaling water vapor wouldn’t work, but for some reason it does.

  19. Dawn summers Says:

    @pearatty

    Community is on nbc on thursdays. Running wilde is fox, but I don’t know what day.

  20. Alceste Says:

    Pretty sure running wilde is on right after Raising Hope, which I think is Tuesday. I am somewhat suprised that running wilde is still on the air.

  21. Pearatty Says:

    Dawn:
    You have not commented on my Hawaii Five-O comment. I wasn’t joking, you know.

  22. Dawn Summers Says:

    Any Spike is good Spike! Though not even Spike could keep me watching Smallville.

  23. Gerard Says:

    I like the idea of watching Keri Russell for a half-hour, but not enough to actually watch one of the shows in which she stars.

  24. Dawn summers Says:

    Hey! I liked Felicity for the first two seasons!

  25. Pearatty Says:

    Yeah, I want to like Running Wilde, because Keri Russell’s in it. But I don’t like it. Sigh.

  26. Pearatty Says:

    PDov:

    I haven’t watched Glee this season, but now I totally want to watch again

    I’m really enjoying it. They’ve done a lot of the things I thought they should — added another gay character that’s not so stereotypical (what you think Sam Evans isn’t gay? Just wait.), given Santana and some of the other background characters more play, rather than having it be the Rachel/Quinn/Finn show all the time, and breaking out into (fantasy) musical numbers randomly in the halls, rather than always singing in the realistic context of the club or competitions.

  27. Dawn summers Says:

    I hope sam isn’t gay. That blond cheerleader has suffered enough

  28. Gib Says:

    No comments about Supernatural and what the heck they do this year when last year’s villain was the F’n DEVIL?

  29. Dawn Summers Says:

    Supernatural is sucking so hard right now. Though, I still like Dean! “These aren’t vampires. These are douchbags.”

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