Archive for October, 2010
What a rollercoaster week…started off with me all giddy and patriotic in California, then plunged into worry and sadness about Avery and now I’m packing for my first slumber party ever! I hope my mom doesn’t have to come get me.
I have become such an internet stalker in the last few days. I’ve been googling and facebooking everyone I’ve ever known just to make sure they’re okay. So many of my old friends have kids now! And not like babies, but huge walking around kids that are about the age my friends were when I knew them! Crazypants. I still have too much ego to actually leave a note or anything, especially if I know I made the last contact…but it was good to see so many old faces. And I’m glad they’re doing well. Glad for most of ‘em anyway. I did have to repeatedly stop myself from wishing other people were missing instead of Avery.
Anyway, enjoy these last gasps of summer that we’ve had on the East Coast, keep those you love close and pray the Patriots defeat the Vikings on Sunday.
Wherever Avery is, I hope he knows that that so many people care about him and miss him. And dude, you will never believe who posted your missing poster on her facebook page! Call me!
H. P. Lovecraft
Babels of blocks to the high heavens towering
Flames of futility swirling below;
Poisonous fungi in brick and stone flowering,
Lanterns that shudder and death-lights that glow.
Black monstrous bridges across oily rivers,
Cobwebs of cable to nameless things spun;
Catacomb deeps whose dank chaos delivers
Streams of live foetor that rots in the sun.
Colour and splendour, disease and decaying,
Shrieking and ringing and crawling insane,
Rabbles exotic to stranger-gods praying,
Jumbles of odour that stifle the brain.
Legions of cats from the alleys nocturnal.
Howling and lean in the glare of the moon,
Screaming the future with mouthings infernal,
Yelling the Garden of Pluto’s red rune.
Tall towers and pyramids ivy’d and crumbling,
Bats that swoop low in the weed-cumber’d streets;
Bleak Arkham bridges o’er rivers whose rumbling
Joins with no voice as the thick horde retreats.
Belfries that buckle against the moon totter,
Caverns whose mouths are by mosses effac’d,
And living to answer the wind and the water,
Only the lean cats that howl in the wastes.
When I read this poem, I imagine Dawn wandering the streets of a late 19th century Brooklyn.
She is alone.
Her stage coach has broken down, and her driver has run off. She wanders the streets calling out for help, hopeless and realizing that she has spurned all her friends. As she begins to run, she hears the howls of the cats. At first, just one or two.
Soon dozens of eyes light up the streets. One claws off her powdered wig, narrowly missing her neck. She makes a poor choice and turns down a dead end alley and becomes surrounded by hundreds of feral felines. As she looks to the stars and screams, they attack en masse. Bellies full, the cats are lean no more.
If anyone has any info, please call. Avery Man is a friend and I hope he’s found. And that he’s okay.
Avery, 35, was last seen Friday on Greenwich St. and Duane St. in New York City. He lives in Queens and is a Yale graduate.
There are two questions you should never ask nor answer. The first, is “are you planning to kill me”? The second, is “do you love me”?
For exactly the same reason. Whistles.
For some reason, the world’s problems fell on my thin shoulders. I had to win races and spelling bees and parts in plays because if I didn’t, then something terrible would happen. I never knew what. I started getting stress headaches when I was around 9. Parts of my head would have these sudden flashes off pain. Sometimes on the left side near my ear, sometimes on the left near my forehead, the pain would move around. I didn’t realize then that it was stress. I thought it was brain cancer. My mother thought that I was on drugs. Nobody knew that I was suffering in other ways. It took two decades before I was finally diagnosed with bipolar II disorder.
Los Angeles, California
Oh my! It’s almost Halloween and I haven’t given you my take on the 2010 television landscape! Color me forgetful!
Well, let’s get to it, this might be in a weird NBC, Fox, ABC, CBS, CW order because that’s how I copied and pasted them from the sites. Also, I must say, I feel like I’m no longer watching that much TV…scary, I know. But in my defense, I watch a lot of poker and football shows that aren’t represented in this lineup.
And no, I still don’t watch reality shows. If I want reality I will leave my house and volunteer at a homeless shelter. Or adopt a child.
Ah, the gang’s back! Liz, Trace, Jack, Jenna and even Kenneth who was fired at the end of last season and began this season working at CBS. Sigh, it’s not as great as the first two seasons, but it’s still better than most of the crap out there AND the live episode made my week. Not that alcoholism is funny. And not that I’m an alcoholic.
I had high hopes for this show. Well, except for the lead being a skinny blond woman, I like law enforcement shows where the lead is a strong woman. Sadly, this show is terrible. I watched one episode and it took three vodka snow cones for me to make it through. Or I should say, I had three vodka snow cones because I would pause it when I got bored and would go make another one. It’s a whole thing…wait, where was I…don’t watch this show, it’s bad and annoying and frankly, a little bit racist. And I repeat, I am NOT an alcoholic.
How is Chuck still on the air? HOW?? I don’t get it? Bionic Woman, Life, the Nine…(hmm…I forgot to make my annual Fisch bet this year…) they all die, BUT CHUCK LIVES? There is no TV God. Alceste says he thinks this season is better than the last, I guess that’s true, but only because last season SUCKED HAIRY…um…there is no non gross way to end that sentence, is there? I apologize. I do love Linda Hamilton. Though…man, she has NOT aged well. Sad face.
I don’t think I’ve blogged about how much I enjoy this show, though I tweet the sentiment quite often. I know not many people watch. In fact, last year I wrote that I thought it was okay, but was certain it would be canceled. I was wrong. After a few anemic episodes, this show came into its own with one of the funniest 22 minutes ever aired on TV with last year’s paintball episode. This year has picked right up where last season left off, with an awesome Betty White cameo AND a hilarious “simulated rocket launch.” I didn’t much care for the last episode, but with a show as tongue-in-cheek as Community, when they hit, they hit and when they miss…well, you still have the paintball episode saved on your DVR.
Law and Order: Los Angeles
I HATE THIS SHOW. I HATE THE COPS. I HATE THE STORYLINES. I HATE THE SETTING. I HATE….THE INTRO. I wish I could take credit for this, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was off about it until I read the following tweet from @basseyworldlive “These are some happy ass murders.” Precisely. The show is colored wrong, the dialogue is off, at no point do you BELIEVE that these actors are law or order! Blah. Terrible. Bring back the New York one, at least those bodies looked real.
Law and Order: SVU
Great double header to open the season, guest starring Malcolm from Lost as a suspect with a TWIST! Now, see? THIS is a Law and Order! Murders, victims, blood, PERPS! TWISTS! Aww, I’m home again.
Last season was SO bad, I was going to quit. Also, I HATE Erin and her stupid mousey face…but then, I dunno, they’ve regained something this season. That episode where Jim was going to keep adding keys to Dwight’s ring…classic! Reminded me of the good old days of Jim pranks before the crap about Sabre buying them out. I like the Office when they stick to plausible office scenarios, but are funny about it. Michael having to go to Toby for counseling? PERFECT. I’m back.
Look, on the one hand, this show is awful. On the other hand, do you want to be responsible for 12 Indian from India actors losing their jobs? Okay then.
Please, see what I wrote for Outsourced, but change Indian from India to black and 12 to three.
Yay! I love Bones. I love the characters, I love the storylines, I love the murders, and I love the solutions. I hate Booth’s new girlfriend. If they would just kill her off and have Bones solve the murder, I’d be cool. How great was the David Allen Grier guest spot??? A-MAY-ZING!
I still DVR this. But I still have episodes saved from last season that I haven’t finished. This show is the very definition of hit or miss. When it’s great, I don’t want to miss out, but when it bites, I can’t get through it and they just pile up.
This is clearly the show’s best season. They have their footing, but I am still skeptical about their ability to pull off this double Olivia stuff…especially since Olivia is my least favorite character. But, at least we also kinda get double Walter. I’m in wait and see mode, if they cop out or shank it, I’m definitely quitting the show this season. Definitely! Ooh and Bubbles from The Wire should come back AND QUICK!
They sing, they dance, there’s a lot of drama set to music and costumes! They had me at “sing.” If you love Broadway and TV, this is the show for you. Also, Sue Sylvester might be one of the greatest TV characters ever. If you don’t love Broadway and TV, well, I feel sorry for you, cause you’re going to burn in hell. What? It’s in the bible. Like toward the back part.
Me no likey House and the boss lady being in a relationship. Me really no likey how explicit and prominent those scenes have been. Sadly, I’ll be even more pissed if they break them up. Really, I need them to be together, but have the show never mention it. Ever.
Lie To Me
Sigh. Sometimes this show is great. Sometimes it’s dumb. Like when a bunch of guys are stuck in a mine, but they don’t call engineers to get them out, NO! They CALL CAL LIGHTMAN! Cause he can read faces and get to the truth. Dude. They need a drill and a pulley, rat’s ass about the truth. And this happens A LOT. A Dude drives up to the White House with a bomb…no bomb squad…Lightman Group! COME ON! Also, I don’t get why they fired the black FBI guy. Annoying.
I really should have put this show first. IT’S BRILLIANT, TOUCHING, HILARIOUS, GENIUS, PERFECT. It’s about a guy who has a one night stand with a serial killer, she is sentenced to death row, finds out she’s pregnant and when she’s executed, the guy is given custody of the baby. Of course, he’s a loser who lives at home with his parents. I laugh so hard when I watch this show, I have to rewind it because I’ve missed stuff. I love it so much, I didn’t even notice that there are no black in it till right this minute. GO WATCH! RIGHT NOW! ALL THE EPS ARE ONLINE AT FOX.COM. No, I’ll wait. GO!
Um…see what I said about Raising Hope? Take the opposite of all that. He plays a really rich guy trying to impress his hippie ex-girlfriend and her daughter. Blah. Suck. It’s a real shame too because Will Arnett can be funny.
The Simpsons will always be the Simpsons. The Lisa coaches Bart’s baseball team episode will be a classic.
Shit My Dad Says
I thought the show about a son that has to move back home with his ornery cranky dad was okay. I laughed. It’s not awesome, but it’s a solid “Meh.” And for a CBS comedy, well, that’s like an Emmy. However, since CBS doesn’t offer the episodes online for free, I can no longer watch it. Oh well.
Good to see Tom Brady’s baby mama can still get employment. But, this show about a rabble of Irish working cops is SO formulaic, I feel like I’m in high school physics class. Oh snap! See what I did there? I watched the premiere, never watched again.
OH MY GOSH, you guys, I QUIT CSI! I don’t even record them anymore! This and Smallville are the only two shows that are still airing that I “used to watch”! Who’s proud of me?
I watched the first episode of this show about two Las Vegas defense attorneys. The law? ALL WRONG. It was mildly amusing, but Jerry O’Connell is TV show death, so I won’t bother watching it again. NO way it lasts. (Dawn has pretty much just guaranteed syndication.)
The Good Wife
I’m glad I didn’t quit this show when I said that I would! It’s SOOO good. Mr. Big is still not that big a part of the show, which is boss because I hate him, but the other characters: Calinda, the PI, Alicia, the cheated on wife, the partners…oh so so good! You should be watching. And heck, you can pick it up right in the middle…so start watching!
I like this show. It’s a cop show, it’s set in Hawaii. It’s been uneven so far…hated the gun running storyline, loved the hostage taking storyline…Lines. They had two back to back…but I’ll be interested to see if they do more back storytelling rather than “crime of the weeks.”
Last year, I thought I loved this show, then I started watching Castle and I see how derivative The Mentalist is…I’ll probably quit it soon, if they don’t go back to letting the Mentalist search for his wife’s killer. There are too many “crimes of the week” shows out there that do it so much better than The Mentalist. Let Jane be unique and maybe I’ll get back into it. Also, why CBS doesn’t offer episodes of this show online, I can’t understand. It’s driving me batty since my DVR missed the first episode of the season. However, the fact that it hasn’t changed my understanding of anything…well, bad sign.
Mike & Molly
I watched the first two episodes of this sitcom about “Plus-sized love.” But that’s all it was, fat joke after fat joke. Blah.
Brothers & Sisters
I have been promising to quit this show for three seasons. But I mean it this time, I’m done with the annoying limousine liberal Walker clan! Totally! Done. I’m leaving! For real this time!
I love Castle! I love his face, and his words and his mom and his house and his job. And I love Beckett and the other cops and I love their crimes. I HATE HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND. Well, and his daughter, but that sounds kinda mean to say…so…I HATE HIS GIRLFRIEND! This show is so funny and witty, I could watch it for hours and hours…and have!
DON’T JUDGE ME! It’s funny! I swear. I KNOW I KNOW…it just is. The cast and the writing…dude, what can I say. It’s funny.
Sigh. I was SO excited to see Vanessa Williams join the cast… but the writers have already let me down. Why would she BE CHASING a contractor! AND WHY WOULD SHE GIVE UP? VOMIT. Vanessa Williams is amazing, she deserves better than the crap treatment black women get on network television. And fuck is up with replacing Gabrielle’s fat daughter with a skinny one? This show is doing the MOST to make me hate myself! But it won’t work! I have self esteem! You hear that MARC CHERRY! I love my fat black woman self and you can’t stop me!
This show had a chance to really stand out. It could have done an amazing episode…instead, it copped out and is now just an okay cop show. I don’t really get the point of it – I mean, they have solved every homicide so far, but my sense about real Detroit homicides, is that the problem is they keep racking them up, but they never solve them…am I wrong? Plus, the scenery is so damn depressing.
This season is so weak. Yet, I am so invested in these characters that I still cry almost every episode. I’m a sap. But if you aren’t also already similarly invested, there’s no need to start watching. Unless, you’re gonna rent all the past seasons…which are awesomesauce!
I go back and forth on this show. You should know I HATE Patricia Heaton. But I kinda like the Janitor and I love the kids, so…I watch. It makes me laugh. I’m not saying you need to watch though…
I am MAD at this show right now. Making fun of Tom Brady getting hurt… THE DAMN HELL ASS NERVE! But it’s usually pretty hilarious, so I will assume someone just had an off day. I will recommend this show…but I’m keeping my eye on it! Hear that? Modern Family? WATCH Yourselves!
I actually liked this show. However, since the “documentary” about ten kids who graduated high school in 2000, has already been canceled, not much more needs to be said. Plus, it did kinda make me feel old.
No Ordinary Family
THIS SHOW IS SOOOOOO TERRIBLE. I MEAN CRINGE TERRIBLE. Like you watch them and you can actually see them thinking “oh, I need to act all upset now, so I will contort my face in an upset manner” ARRRGGHHH. I JUST DON’T GET IT. Superpowers are supposed to make a show cool, these idiots find a way to make them make the show WORSE. CANCEL THIS! PLEASE! Or recast it…I known some Indian from India actors that may need work soon.
This is another one of my about to be cut shows. I do not like what they’ve done with Dell or Maya or Sam or Naomi in the last 15 episodes. I’m actually all kinds of mad. Do not start watching this show under any circumstances. Or rent the old DVDs. See? Told ya I was mad.
So far, this season is better than the last. I like the Blair/Chuck feud. I find Serena and Dan increasingly annoying, but I’ll still watch for the snappy angry dialogue.
Cute show. I still watch. It may be on the verge of jumping the proverbial shark with this teacher/student love affair thing… And then I’ll stop. It already takes all I have to remember that I watch. If it starts being gross, I’m out like sprout.
This is currently my favorite drama. I know, everyone is over the vampire thing…but they somehow make it new and fresh and funny and deliciously evil again. It’s set in a small town called Mystic Falls and there are two brothers, who are both vampires because they both fell in love with the same woman 175 years ago AND SHE WAS A VAMPIRE AND TURNED THEM! AND NOW in present day there is a young high school girl that LOOKS just like THAT VAMP! And no one knows WHY! Okay, that may sound weird, but I promise, it’s good.
Four episodes in and I don’t know what or why I’m watching. But I’ll keep watching cause it’s HBO and I REFUSE to be all left out of the “hype” again like with Dexter and Mad Men. I will suffer through because I am desperate to be cool. Wait…I don’t think I’m supposed to admit that… fucking Marc Cherry is inside my head!!
Sometimes I fear I’m not as charming as I imagine.
My cousin called the other day to ask if I would “lend” her five hundred dollars to hire Yo Gabba Gabba characters and a circus for Sammy’s second birthday party. Now, once upon a time when I earned a lot of money, I would cut these conversations off with “how much do you need? Come by my office at 3 to get it.” It was a lot easier to hit the ATM than deal with the unfocused ramblings and empty promises of repayment that my family is known for. When I made less money, I would have a number in my head of how much I was willing to give to end the conversation, if the request was equal to or less, I would extract the promise for repayment and tell them to pick the money up from my mom. (I would tell my mom the deal and say that she could keep how ever much of the money she could get them to repay.)
Now, that I pretty much make no money, fifty bucks is my ceiling. Obviously, $500 way exceeded that…though, she could throw a slamming 12th birthday party for him with Yo Gabba Gabba…though I suspect by then he won’t so much be into it. Heck, he’s not even TWO, I doubt he’s much into it now. I tried to impress upon my cousin that Sammy would be better off if she took a hundred dollars and bought him a winter coat. Or found money to pay for the specialist his pediatrician suggested to her. (Random fact: He has the same pediatrician I had when I was a kid!)
But no. She has it in her head to have a huge carnival party for him in my aunt’s one bedroom apartment and she cannot be dissuaded. And as crazy as it is, part of me understands, the part of me that was so sad about my poverty that I bought a snowcone machine to cheer myself up.
Not having money sucks, not having the things you want sucks more. And so, I chose today’s poem mostly because if I ever meet this dude, I’m kicking him in the nuts. Anyone who romanticizes poverty should be robbed and kicked in the nuts. Fine, maybe not robbed, but definitely kicked in the nuts.
Poor men’s hearts aren’t light; they do not laugh. Their hearts are heavy and they cry. And their kids don’t ever get to go to Disney World even though they have memorized every word of every Disney World commercial because they spend all their free time watching TV, because it’s too dangerous to play outside. And the kids fantasize about sinking buzzer beating three pointers to win basketball championships because THEN you get to go to Disneyworld for free! But of course, that’ll never happen because you are a girl (And are barely five feet tall.)
The world without money is a bleak place of terrible choices and awful decisions and you’ll foolishly squander hundreds of dollars to see your son smile for a day because…well, because you know his life will probably suck in unbearably relentless ways for a very long time.
I get that. I do. And I wish I could throw money at them like I used to. Alas, I cannot. And that, my friends, is why I invented the vodka snowcone.
Money – W.H. Davies
WHEN I had money, money, O!
I knew no joy till I went poor;
For many a false man as a friend
Came knocking at my door.
Then felt I like a child that holds
A trumpet that he must not blow
Because a man is dead; I dared
Not speak to let this false world know.
Much have I thought of life, and seen
How poor men’s hearts are ever light;
And how their wives do hum like bees
About their work from morn till night.
So, when I hear these poor ones laugh,
And see the rich ones coldly frown–
Poor men, think I, need not go up
So much as rich men should come down.
When I had money, money, O!
My many friends proved all untrue;
But now I have no money, O!
My friends are real though very few.