Clareified

Where does the good go

Hold on for one more day (guest blogger VinNay)

Over the past year or so, there has been a lot of talk here on clareified.com about ending relationships; friends lost, lovers dismissed, or people just kicked to the curb for a number of minor and/or major offenses. I’m not calling out any one specific thing, just the general sense of ease most people seem to have on terminating relationships.

I have, for the most part, kept my thoughts to myself on these matters. Mostly, because I guess I just don’t agree with everyone else. Or, maybe I choose my friends better than other people. Or, maybe I’m just a sucker. I don’t know.

I used to be like Dawn and some of her readers. Cross me, and I was done with you. Either you ceased to exist to me, or I would get filled with indignant wrath. Usually both. I spent a lot of years living like that.

It’s not worth it.

Some might say, “I don’t get angry, I just remove people from my life.” It’s never that easy, and I think that Monkey Paw wine speaks to that argument.

The fact is, people make mistakes. Sometimes lots of them. Sometimes I do it too. For the most part, I don’t think people do these things out of malice. They do it out of ignorance. They do it to protect themselves. They do it for many reasons. It doesn’t mean it’s right, but I’m pretty sure it’s not malicious.
I don’t mean to say that you should keep people in your life that constantly hurt you. No one should do that. But, I find myself giving people lots more chances theses days and trying to understand others’ perspectives.

Though I no longer just cut people off, I certainly have friends and past lovers that I have drifted apart from for various reasons. Often that’s ok, and occasionally it really sucks. They say that time heals all wounds. Sometimes they are wrong. Some wounds never heal, they just become a part of you. Most of my wounds of that nature have to do with relationships lost. And though they are wounds, they are wounds of the best kind. The kind that represents what was lost, but never forgotten.

The following poem speaks to that.

MORE STRONG THAN TIME
Victor Hugo (1802-1885)

Since I have set my lips to your full cup, my sweet,
Since I my pallid face between your hands have laid,
Since I have known your soul, and all the bloom of it,
And all the perfume rare, now buried in the shade;

Since it was given to me to hear on happy while,
The words wherein your heart spoke all its mysteries,
Since I have seen you weep, and since I have seen you smile,
Your lips upon my lips, and your eyes upon my eyes;

Since I have known above my forehead glance and gleam,
A ray, a single ray, of your star, veiled always,
Since I have felt the fall, upon my lifetime’s stream,
Of one rose petal plucked from the roses of your days;

I now am bold to say to the swift changing hours,
Pass, pass upon your way, for I grow never old,
Fleet to the dark abysm with all your fading flowers,
One rose that none may pluck, within my heart I hold.

Your flying wings may smite, but they can never spill
The cup fulfilled of love, from which my lips are wet;
My heart has far more fire than you can frost to chill,
My soul more love than you can make my soul forget

VinNay is my first guest poetry blogger who ever did it twice! I didn’t even threaten him with violence!

17 Responses to “Hold on for one more day (guest blogger VinNay)”

  1. Dawn Summers Says:

    A LOT?? I resent that! There has been one or two…four AT MOST! AND NONE OF THOSE WERE MY FAULT! Hmph. I’m not talking to you.

  2. Dawn Summers Says:

    Okay, I tried to stay away from making any serious comments, but a one comment post is so sad and lonely, that I can’t resist.

    I think my views on this matter have evolved considerably from where they started when I first wrote about these issues in 2003.

    However, I still think I’ve mostly got it right. I agree that most people aren’t malicious, but I also know that if someone accidentally punches you in the face it hurts just as much as if they’d meant to do it. I’ve had a lot of experience with selfishly thoughtless people who, when I finally put my foot down and just refuse to take it anymore, always seem to think I’m “overreacting” because x,y or z is “not that big of a deal.” But in the end, if it bothers you, it is a big deal and if the other person doesn’t get that and refuses to change – you need to figure out if their need to be a thoughtless jerk trumps your need to have your time and feelings respected.
    Sometimes it do, sometimes it don’t; but I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer.

    Either a relationship mostly makes you happy and laugh or it mostly makes you resentful and ticked off. Keep the first, dump the latter. I don’t care how long you’ve known the one or the other or how intimate you are or were with same. Life is too short for bullshit. Or too long for bullshit, I’m still working that one out.

    As for the poem, 1. I didn’t know Victor Hugo wrote poetry! I’ m a huge Les Miz fan and that’s all I really know him for. 2. I’m not sure I actually understand the poem. Is he saying that no matter how mean and spiteful his love has turned, he will still love her or is he saying he will always love who she was when he loved her, even though she’s not that person anymore?

  3. Mary Says:

    I vote VinNay as winner of poetry Wednesdays!

    You do know Victor Hugo didn’t write the musical.

    o_o

    lol

  4. Dawn Summers Says:

    O_O DON’T STEAL MY FACE, FACE STEALER.

  5. Dawn Summers Says:

    And if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times. I win poetry wednesdays. You people can fight it out for second.

  6. Mary Says:

    Please note the difference between your face O_O and mine o_o. Besides, I only steal white mens’ faces – for which you don’t qualify.

    ~_~

  7. Dawn Summers Says:

    #RUDE

  8. Pdov Says:

    I used to believe that love never dies, even when people part on bad terms. I have now revised and completely believe love dies. Sure I have fondness for the good times I’ve had with past friends/lovers, but when you try and try and the love is just not there anymore, when you are miserable around the person instead of happy, it’s time to move on and end relationship.

    That doesn’t mean that they are a bad person or you are a bad person, it just means things are different. But ending the relationship, doesn’t mean the scars are not there (hence the monkey paw type ranting) and the action to just let go was the wrong one.

    I like Dawn’s test of being happy. A while back I realized the following:

    “If you are not happy for at least 95% of the time in the relationship, you should split up.”

    As for the poem, it seems like the narrator will not let the bitterness of now dispel the sweetness of then. Which is nice and noble but I say cut your losses and make the relationships you do have stronger and better than focusing on the ones who are long gone.

  9. Dawn Summers Says:

    Sometimes it does mean they are bad people. Let’s not discount the possibility that there are fucking pyscho evil bad people in the world. #justsaying

  10. Dawn Summers Says:

    Also, 95 is high. I’d say 60/40.

  11. Pdov Says:

    Oh I’m completely on board that there lots of “fucking pyscho evil bad people in the world” and lets not forget completely self-centered/self-involved too, in fact I have met a few and even befriended a couple. #notawesome

  12. Pdov Says:

    I was writing about romantic relationships during my lalala “I’m in love and my bf is perfect for me” day. [Which he is still, totally awesome & perfect.]

    But yeah, 60/40 is decent for the most part. Speaking of the split. Where is my pizza woman?!

  13. Pearatty Says:

    Studies show that people who consider themselves happily married generally have at least 5 pleasant encounters with their spouse to every 1 unpleasant encounter.

    Perfect is the enemy of the good.

    And I take this poem as a “I’ll always have Paris, no matter what kind of bitch you turned out to be now.” Which is probably a good way to look at old relationships. It can be really demoralizing to say “oh, that whole relationship was a waste because he turned out to be a jerk.” Better to say “hey, the good times were good times, and now they’re over.” Or, as someone said, “the happiness then is part of the sadness now”.

  14. Dawn Summers Says:

    Aw, that’s sweet. I co-sign.

    So that’s 5/6 happiness? Again, seems high.

  15. Pdov Says:

    Pearatty he is perfect for me – okay not technically perfect but as good as it gets – I was exaggerating for effect.
    I would say that’s what I have with s.o. – but I treat the romantic relationship different from my friendships (because they are) and thus have a lower happiness ratio hence 60/40 agreement w/Dawn.

    Completely agree. “the happiness then is part of the sadness now”. That’s why the sadness wouldn’t be so sad w/out the happiness. Sigh.

  16. Ken Wheaton Says:

    You’re all dead to me.

    Especially VinNay for using the word “lovers.”

  17. Dawn Summers Says:

    LUVAHS.

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