Clareified

Where does the good go

POSTS ABOUT ME! POSTS ABOUT ME!

Go read, go read. I AM HILARIOUS! And Grange writes down stuff I said well. “World famous doesn’t mean what you think it does.” HAHAHAHHAHAHAA

As I posted on Twitter, Mary’s camera made me look like a ghost, and made Dawn look like Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost. However, the sig other saw my pictures of Dawn and proclaimed, “She looks like she’d be a hoot!” High praise indeed. And yes, Dawn is a hoot. However, I’ll lay even odds Mary murders her in a cornfield if they ever travel together again outside the East Coast.

What about the one-legged grungy neo-hippie? Oh yes, I almost forgot. So, as Mary takes a half dozen pictures, trying to get my face to appear on film (a very difficult task when photographing the soulless), a random guy—about mid-20s, scruffy, shaggy hair rubber-banded in back, flannel shirt—wanders over from the bar to offer some friendly assistance. Turns out, he’s not helpful. But, he is entertaining, so I order Dawn a house specialty Tangermeister and we settle in to chat a bit more as the bartender starts putting chairs up on tables and generally uses a great degree of un-subtlety to indicate it’s closing time and he resents our presence. Now, when you see someone with a prosthetic leg, you generally have two reactions: a) curiosity as to how they lost their leg, and b) a realization you shouldn’t ask. Dawn had only one of those reactions:
One-legged guy: [trying to take picture] “Wow, you really do look like a ghost, dude!”

Dawn: “So, how’d you lose your leg?”

One-legged guy: [sitting down in our booth] “Well, it’s kind of funny. I mean, you go out to a bunch of bars. You wake up the next day, and you can’t remember where you put stuff. I mean, you think, ‘I know I had it at that one bar, and I think I had it at the next bar, but then it gets kind of hazy.”
So, as we finished our Tangermeisters, the one-legged guy had me place my hand palm up over the table, and he held his hand palm down above but not touching my hand, in an attempt to “drain my aura” to enable Mary to take my picture. This was uncomfortably close to an exorcism, which would really destroy my poker ability, so I was happy when Mary distracted him with something shiny.

Here’s video of the one legged guy. I am laughing my head off, but not necessarily “with” him. But since he has one leg, I’m not supposed to say that…

14 Responses to “POSTS ABOUT ME! POSTS ABOUT ME!”

  1. Pearatty Says:

    But aren’t you annoyed that he got the one legged dirty hippy story written up first?

    So, in your ideal world, would you get to blog all the best stories, or would you have your own personal Boswell to follow you around and write posts about your life for your blog(s)?

  2. Dawn Summers Says:

    Well, in this case, Grange did such a good job that I don’t mind that he stole all the good material. Did you see that I have a fan in Iowa?! Did you?! Plus, I have lots more material from the trip to write when I feel like it.

  3. Tarpie Says:

    Prepare for a DMCA take down notice from Mitch Hedberg’s estate since that guy totally ripped him off. Like a one legged Carlos Mencia.

  4. Dawn Summers Says:

    YES!!! GOOD EAR!!!

  5. F-Train Says:

    I really hate that you made me watch that. You will be punished. Don’t ask me how (viciously). Don’t ask me when (when you least expect it). But you WILL be punished.

  6. Dawn Summers Says:

    hahaha I didn’t make you! That was freee willlll FREEEE WILLLLLLL

  7. Pdov Says:

    You do know that Peter has a photo of you with both a halo and horns, right?! I feel somehow better that I didn’t click on the video.

  8. Dawn summers Says:

    What now?

  9. Pdov Says:

    At your birthday party (in front of the fan). I need him to send it…if I come Saturday I’ll show you. It perfectly captures you. 😛

  10. Alceste Says:

    I got grief for not commenting on THIS post? Your readership demands humorous anecdotes (and the merger of the blogs, but some demands are futile).

  11. F-Train Says:

    Hahahaha, it’s true Alceste, it’s true. Some demands are futile. I predict Dawn will appear in this comment thread shortly to tell you to “shut your face”.

  12. Dawn summers Says:

    You are not the boss of me! And shows you what you know!

  13. Grange95 Says:

    I did *not* steal the good material. I purposely stuck to the Des Moines stuff I personally witnessed, and left you the truly funny sh*t, like …

    The coon story.
    The mouse hunting chicken story.
    The three cop car story.
    The lesbian orgy story.
    The dirty poker table talk story.
    The Minnesota Favre story.
    The murder hotel story.
    The suitcase full of cash story (Mary’s suitcase, obv).
    The cow tipping story.

    So, when is the freakin’ trip report getting posted, eh?

  14. Pearatty Says:

    Yeah, post the rest of the trip, dude. Also, I demand posts on your other blog.

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