POSTS ABOUT ME! POSTS ABOUT ME!
Go read, go read. I AM HILARIOUS! And Grange writes down stuff I said well. “World famous doesn’t mean what you think it does.” HAHAHAHHAHAHAA
As I posted on Twitter, Mary’s camera made me look like a ghost, and made Dawn look like Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost. However, the sig other saw my pictures of Dawn and proclaimed, “She looks like she’d be a hoot!” High praise indeed. And yes, Dawn is a hoot. However, I’ll lay even odds Mary murders her in a cornfield if they ever travel together again outside the East Coast.
What about the one-legged grungy neo-hippie? Oh yes, I almost forgot. So, as Mary takes a half dozen pictures, trying to get my face to appear on film (a very difficult task when photographing the soulless), a random guy—about mid-20s, scruffy, shaggy hair rubber-banded in back, flannel shirt—wanders over from the bar to offer some friendly assistance. Turns out, he’s not helpful. But, he is entertaining, so I order Dawn a house specialty Tangermeister and we settle in to chat a bit more as the bartender starts putting chairs up on tables and generally uses a great degree of un-subtlety to indicate it’s closing time and he resents our presence. Now, when you see someone with a prosthetic leg, you generally have two reactions: a) curiosity as to how they lost their leg, and b) a realization you shouldn’t ask. Dawn had only one of those reactions:
One-legged guy: [trying to take picture] “Wow, you really do look like a ghost, dude!”Dawn: “So, how’d you lose your leg?”
One-legged guy: [sitting down in our booth] “Well, it’s kind of funny. I mean, you go out to a bunch of bars. You wake up the next day, and you can’t remember where you put stuff. I mean, you think, ‘I know I had it at that one bar, and I think I had it at the next bar, but then it gets kind of hazy.”
So, as we finished our Tangermeisters, the one-legged guy had me place my hand palm up over the table, and he held his hand palm down above but not touching my hand, in an attempt to “drain my aura” to enable Mary to take my picture. This was uncomfortably close to an exorcism, which would really destroy my poker ability, so I was happy when Mary distracted him with something shiny.
Here’s video of the one legged guy. I am laughing my head off, but not necessarily “with” him. But since he has one leg, I’m not supposed to say that…
September 22nd, 2010 at 11:53 am
But aren’t you annoyed that he got the one legged dirty hippy story written up first?
So, in your ideal world, would you get to blog all the best stories, or would you have your own personal Boswell to follow you around and write posts about your life for your blog(s)?
September 22nd, 2010 at 12:02 pm
Well, in this case, Grange did such a good job that I don’t mind that he stole all the good material. Did you see that I have a fan in Iowa?! Did you?! Plus, I have lots more material from the trip to write when I feel like it.
September 22nd, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Prepare for a DMCA take down notice from Mitch Hedberg’s estate since that guy totally ripped him off. Like a one legged Carlos Mencia.
September 22nd, 2010 at 12:45 pm
YES!!! GOOD EAR!!!
September 22nd, 2010 at 3:51 pm
I really hate that you made me watch that. You will be punished. Don’t ask me how (viciously). Don’t ask me when (when you least expect it). But you WILL be punished.
September 22nd, 2010 at 3:52 pm
hahaha I didn’t make you! That was freee willlll FREEEE WILLLLLLL
September 22nd, 2010 at 4:12 pm
You do know that Peter has a photo of you with both a halo and horns, right?! I feel somehow better that I didn’t click on the video.
September 22nd, 2010 at 4:13 pm
What now?
September 22nd, 2010 at 7:29 pm
At your birthday party (in front of the fan). I need him to send it…if I come Saturday I’ll show you. It perfectly captures you.
September 22nd, 2010 at 9:15 pm
I got grief for not commenting on THIS post? Your readership demands humorous anecdotes (and the merger of the blogs, but some demands are futile).
September 22nd, 2010 at 9:37 pm
Hahahaha, it’s true Alceste, it’s true. Some demands are futile. I predict Dawn will appear in this comment thread shortly to tell you to “shut your face”.
September 22nd, 2010 at 9:38 pm
You are not the boss of me! And shows you what you know!
September 23rd, 2010 at 12:16 am
I did *not* steal the good material. I purposely stuck to the Des Moines stuff I personally witnessed, and left you the truly funny sh*t, like …
The coon story.
The mouse hunting chicken story.
The three cop car story.
The lesbian orgy story.
The dirty poker table talk story.
The Minnesota Favre story.
The murder hotel story.
The suitcase full of cash story (Mary’s suitcase, obv).
The cow tipping story.
So, when is the freakin’ trip report getting posted, eh?
September 23rd, 2010 at 5:14 pm
Yeah, post the rest of the trip, dude. Also, I demand posts on your other blog.