Clareified

I know a woman who has *ALL* of these. She clearly needs to donate her brain to science, lord knows she’s not using it.

Man fraternizing with the enemy gets attacked.

Ironically, some of the creatures native to that environment made Chase pay dearly for his 25-mile traverse across fabled Monterey Bay.

“I’m, like, ‘Come on guys, I’m trying to help here,’ ” he said of a massive swarm of jellyfish that rose to the surface and threatened to thwart his epic odyssey.

Let that be a lesson for all of you.

Do you guys see Angela trying to pretend like today is NOT her birthday by staying off the internets?

Nice try.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANGELA!!!

Wygant’s about to eat mommy’s phone:

In other news, WHAT THE HELL! WHERE ARE THE PATRIOTS BABY PICTURES??? WHEEEERRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE???

#Pout

It’s totally cheesy, but this poem actually changed my life. I have no idea what age I was when I read it (I have a terrible memory) but believe it or not, I was a way too serious child. My mother used to make me play
hooky with her from school to try to loosen me up.

When I read this poem I understood why she deemed it as important to go strawberry picking, go for a late midweek brunch or see *ahem* a Star Trek Movie on opening day as it was to be in class for a pop quiz.

Warning – When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

By Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
with a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
and satin candles, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired
and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
and run my stick along the public railings
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick the flowers in other people’s gardens
and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
and eat three pounds of sausages at a go
or only bread and pickles for a week
and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
and pay our rent and not swear in the street
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Kaz is a punkrocklawyer, an excellent maker of pies, a brilliant electrician and will look quite fine wearing purple when she is old.

My dreams were full of strange ideas
My mind was set despite the fears
But other things got in the way
I never asked that boy to stay

Once upon a time at home
I sat beside the telephone
Waiting for someone to pull me through
When at last it didnt ring, I realized it wasn’t you

Also, their names rhyme.

via Eliza Wheaton

Any Clareified readers with knowledge of Colorado, Iowa, Nebraska, Wyoming, South Dakota, Kansas or Missouri got any suggestions for must visit/eat/drink stuff in aforementioned states, please leave a detailed comment about such.

So far:

*Coor’s Light tour
*Prosecco bean farm
*Devil’s Tower
*Mount Rushmore
*Badlands
*Hot Springs
*Grotto something something
*Glowing balloons
*Big arch
*Anheuser Busch tour
*Riverboat tour

Also, if you’d like to meet your fearless hero shoot me an email at clareified at gmail. Assuming your fearless hero is me.

Where is Ms. Angela?! And why is Tae not yelling at her for being a slacker?! RAY. CIST!

Anyway, the patron saint of slackerdom, one Mr. T-Bone has returned to blogging, this time he’s writing about Whiskey. I wanted to leave a comment, but tumblr is stupid and racist.

I just now came to understand what ‘a stitch in time, saves nine’ means. It’s like, if you repair something in time, with the one stitch, you save yourself having to make a whole new sweater with like nine stitches!

Yes, I am home sick, not homesick, and I have finished watching all the back shows on my DVR… why do you ask?