Clareified

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Lady Talk: Mentioning the Unmentionables

[note: Lady Talk is written by guest blogger Angela. Most of topics will be of interest to women. Guys can either avert their eyes or grab a pen to take notes on our secrets.]

When I was in my twenties, I went through the obligatory thong-wearing era but stopped wearing them a few years ago and never looked back. I’m still not sure if there ever is an age range in which wearing a slim strip of cotton up one’s bum is truly acceptable. Now that I’m turning thirty-six, well on my way to old ladyhood, it’s way past the time that it feels appropriate to wear dental floss as undergarments. I also realize that nobody, including me, wants to see a pair of granny panties. The problem, however, is that there seems to be only two ends of the spectrum: underthings fashioned out of spider web silk or underthings fashioned out of bed sheets. Neither one of these options is optimal.

As I am not in the habit of seeing other ladies in their skivvies, I’m curious about what other women are wearing these days. I’ve definitely attempted the low end of the spectrum, standing in Target staring at the wall of sad, packaged panties, trying to talk myself into a six-pack of Fruit of the Loom. Here’s how the process plays out: “They’re bikini cut, that’s got to be okay,” I reason with myself. I toss the package in with the Swiffer Wet Jet refills, eye makeup remover, eight roll pack of Bounty, and $5 bargain DVD. I push the cart away from the undies section. I quickly stop short, say aloud, “Oh hell no!”, surreptitiously remove the offending package from my cart–ashamed to be seen with them–and shove the pack of over-dyed cotton back on the rack. Fact: Nobody wants to get busy with a girl in Fruit of the Looms, and frankly, no one should.

I’ve tried buying low level “designer” undies: DKNY, Calvin Klein, and the like, and those are no better that the random brands I find on the rack at TJ Maxx for $2.99. I’m not willing, at this juncture in my financial life, to drop the kind of cash required to stock up on La Perla. So I remain stuck with this dilemma. I refuse to wear thongs. They are uncomfortable, unsightly, and just plain nasty. I have seriously considered forgoing underwear all together but it seems like that would get a little scratchy depending on my clothing choices. I’ve debated buying small men’s boxer briefs, but fear that the panty line created by that fashion choice will appear Spanx-related. So, short of starting my own line of comfy yet sexy women’s underwear, I’m really unsure of what to do.

Send help.

24 Responses to “Lady Talk: Mentioning the Unmentionables”

  1. Dawn Summers Says:

    haha, if you really wanted to hold the guys’ interest, you woulda posted pics. #noshade #Imnothere

  2. Anonymoose Says:

    Boyshorts?

  3. Petitedov Says:

    I think boyshorts are cute on some ladies, but overall don’t work for most. I’m of the grannypants variety kind of girl. Never understood the appeal of a thong…..
    I like silk underwear for, um, special occasions, but otherwise I’m more clueless than you on this topic.

  4. Alceste Says:

    Reason #432 why it’s better to be a boy — no one cares if you have a “boxer line” (and since we get to wear heavier, looser fabrics, it’s not like you get one all that often anyway)

  5. A. Says:

    Lately I’m a fan of “cheeky panties,” a few versions of which are sold by Victoria’s Secret. No panty line, comfy, and cute. Pricey, but not so pricey that you can’t supplement your existing ugly underpants with a few pairs.

  6. ChiaLynn Says:

    I’m a 6-pack of Target panties girl myself. :)

    It’s not that I don’t appreciate higher-end panties – it’s just that buying individual pairs of panties multiplies the number of decisions I have to make about things that no one but me and my husband are going to see anyway. And I hate making decisions about clothes.

  7. April Says:

    I second the boyshorts and cheeky panties. Then again, I still wear a thong on occasion, so grain of salt and all that.

  8. Mary Says:

    I’m a no underwear kind of gal – except when I wear skirts or dresses – then it’s your basic bikinis. The boyshorts and cheeky panties are really cute but seem best for slim girlies. Anybody see those crazy ruffled panties? I guess those would make you feel like you’re always square-dancing.

    : )

  9. Drizztdj Says:

    Bikini cut from Victoria’s Secret Pink. Cheap and does the trick for you and the guy.

  10. Pearatty Says:

    I favor cotton panties that just have the elastic over the sides of the hips. If you’re hippy, they just arrange themselves better over your ass, I think. So, you know, they look kind of like this: -v- either from the back or the front.

    Now that I have had a child, though, I will say that I better understand the phenomena of granny panties.

  11. dustbury.com » Unmentionables mentioned Says:

    […] Angela is swearing off the thong: I’m still not sure if there ever is an age range in which wearing a slim strip of cotton up one’s bum is truly acceptable. Now that I’m turning thirty-six, well on my way to old ladyhood, it’s way past the time that it feels appropriate to wear dental floss as undergarments. I also realize that nobody, including me, wants to see a pair of granny panties. The problem, however, is that there seems to be only two ends of the spectrum: underthings fashioned out of spider web silk or underthings fashioned out of bed sheets. Neither one of these options is optimal. […]

  12. Anonymous Says:

    I also realize that nobody, including me, wants to see a pair of granny panties.

    Isn’t there a comedian who said: “No guy ever got a woman undressed to the point of seeing her underwear, and then stopped and walked away becuase he didn’t like her panties.”?

  13. Pearatty Says:

    Oh, that anonymous was me — durn no password saving security settings.

  14. Mary Says:

    Yeah, I can’t imagine a woman stripping down to her undies and a guy going “um, no way we can go any further with those panties you’re wearing Grandma Moses.” He might form some opinions about her but I seriously doubt it would stop him.

  15. Teresa Says:

    Charles is very concerned for you, so I thought I would stop by and recommend Hanky Panky (at hankypanky.com). They are not overly expensive and they are comfortable. At least the original thong which is what I wear is – I don’t need the lower cut version and I don’t like “boyshorts” but to each her own. I’ve even recommended to a couple of people who didn’t want to wear thong type underwear, but didn’t like the pantylines of “regular undies”. They ended up loving them.

    You can find them in some department stores or order online.

    After buying 2 pair from Nordstrom’s I ordered a larger pack from Amazon and saved some money. Get a couple pairs first and see what you think. At least you won’t go broke doing that. 😉

    BTW – your age doesn’t matter in this regard unless you plan on walking around only in your undies in public. What you wear under your clothes is up to you and possibly your significant other at some points in time. The rest of the world only has a complaint if there is too much of someone they don’t want to see paraded in front of their eyes. LOL.

    Otherwise – wear what feels good and looks fabulous, even when you are the only one who knows. (maybe especially then!).

  16. Angela Says:

    Went to Victoria’s Secret tonight & got sone cute stuff. In the laundry now; going to field test tomorrow. Thanks to everyone who commented!

  17. Angela Says:

    *some not sone, obiviously. Being too lazy to turn on the computer and using the small iPhone screen backfires sometimes.

  18. Angela Says:

    **now I spelled obviously wrong. Stopping now before I litter this comments section with more typos.

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