Clareified

Where does the good go

Like a fat kid likes cake

I don’t exactly remember how it all started, but knowing me it went something like this:

June 2009, Twitterland:

@realdawnsummers says Oh, my birthday is coming up. But as I am all shy and unassuming I won’t tell anybody.

@astinto says, hey @realdawnsummers isn’t your birthday coming up? I will make you a caramel cake!

@realdawnsummers: Oh you don’t have to go through all that trouble for little ole me, being that I am all shy and unassuming.

But @astinto insists! And makes an amazing superfantastic caramel cake for me, but when he tries to hand deliver it…on horseback, the mean border patrol guy will not allow baked goods to be brought into America. You know, because of the constant fear that jealous Canadians will try to poison us by capitalizing on our weakness for delicious, delicious baked goods. And so @astinto ate my delicious caramel cake all by himself. And probably gave some to the stupid cats just to spite me. Jerk.

So fast forward a year:

2010-07-26_22-36-24_872

Oh, my gosh! For me? How did you even remember it was my birthday? I wonder what it could be?
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CARAMEL CAKE! A lifetime supply of caramel cake!

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Why, I am going to have me some cake RIGHT NOW!

2010-07-26_23-04-00_582

OH NO. What the hell is this??? I have to COOK THIS CAKE? Damn you @astinto, damn you TO HAYLE! Why are you trying to have me burn my house down?? #RUDE.

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Sure, the instructions seem simple enough…and no fire is required, but what the heck is this one tablespoon, one teaspoon thing? Really? They couldn’t just say three teaspoons? <_ < The last time I attempted a coffee cake in a bag, mixing project, well...actually, no need to revisit that unpleasantness. The aroma has mostly left the kitchen walls and my eyebrow has grown back nicely. But okay. I am a grown woman with TWO ivy League degrees, I CAN DO THIS! And if I can't, I will record every step and you will all see that the failure was NOT my fault, but the fault of this racist caramel cake. Here goes: Step 1: 2010-07-26_23-05-49_761
(Put cake mix in bowl.)

Step 2:

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(Massage the caramel packet)

Step 3:

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(Get one teaspoon of water and one tablespoon of water. You can’t see the water, but trust me.)

Step 4:

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(Stir thouroughly.)

Step 5:

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(Drizzle in the massaged caramel.)

Step 6:

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(Microwave for 30 seconds…. yeah, I too am highly skeptical at this point.)

Step 7:

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Allow to cool. (The picture makes my caramel cake look much more radioactive than it looked in real life.)

Step 8:

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Enjoy! And I totally did! End product was moist and deliciously caramel cake-like!

I highly recommend this product if you are trying to amuse little kids. Like if I could do it, without burning anything or having a nervous breakdown, I figure it’d be perfect for three-five year olds. And they’ll get instant gratification. They will also probably end up fat and diabetic, but everybody has their crosses to bear, no?

Astin, also sent me the “And the Heart Says Whatever” book which Snaps recommended.

All in all a kick ass and delicious birthday package! Thanks!

13 Responses to “Like a fat kid likes cake”

  1. Astin Says:

    Truly, that has to be the most appetizing-looking gift you received!

  2. Dawn Summers Says:

    hahah it truly was the perfect gift! I laughed so hard when I opened it.

  3. Tae Says:

    You don’t have measuring spoons? Because flatware teaspoons and tablespoons are not the same as measuring spoons. I’m glad it worked out.

    How about a new blog about microwave mixes for non-cooks?

  4. Dawn Summers Says:

    They make spoons that are not for eating with? O_O

  5. Tae Says:

    Also, do you know that you do O_O wrong? 0_o

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=0_o

  6. Dawn Summers Says:

    LOL. No, I know about o_O I use that one when I’m being judgy. Like “WTF”? O_O is just my blank stare. Like “Wait…what?”

  7. Tae Says:

    Wouldn’t that be -_-
    ?

    O_O looks like two surprised eyes.

  8. Tae Says:

    or o_o – less surprised

  9. Dawn Summers Says:

    hahaah @ckbwop says that -_- is her because she is asian.

  10. April Says:

    I like how this comment thread took a completely different direction.

  11. Dawn Summers Says:

    Brought one for lunch today. I’ve done become a pro caramel cake maker. Maybe I’ll open a stand.

  12. Clareified » Blog Archive » Eh, Birthday Says:

    […] So last year he sent me 50 caramel cakes. […]

  13. Sailor Says:

    What a great reucorse this text is.

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