I just pulled a Dawn…
which is kinda like pulling a hamstring, but it’s not so much physically painful as costs money and makes your hand strike your forehead while your mouth says “D’oh.”
So, this story requires that I rewind a week and cross the country by 2000 miles. As you all know, some two years ago I got my awesome Liberace sneakers. I wore them. A lot. Everywhere. Then, about four months ago, I noticed the sole was peeling off. Plus, the pink hue was fading.
“Oh no! I have to get a new pair!” I exclaimed.
So, one of my “to do list” items for my Vegas trip was “get new pair of Liberace sneakers.” I wanted blue this time.
F-train volunteered to take me. He claimed it would be his birthday present to me (not the sneakers or the entrance fee, just his company to the museum…once again, the answer to today’s installment of ‘spot the Jew,’ the Catholic boy, F-train.) But I think mostly because “F-train in the Liberace museum” is the gay F-train joke that writes itself.
So, Saturday, I met up with my twitter buddy Zidonia, who lives in Vegas, Ftrain, This is Not April (lies, IT WAS TOTALLY APRIL) and the evil chocolate pudding pusher Jason for lunch and then the Liberace musuem. Well, they knew about the lunch, I knew about the musuem. They would find this out later. Like right around…”can we get the check, please? The Liberace musuem closes in half an hour!”
Sadly, by the time we got there, we were already too late. We pulled into the parking lot at quarter to five and the main museum was already closed. WORSE STILL…
“DAWN, THEY DON’T HAVE YOUR SNEAKERS ANYMORE,” F-train said all triumphantly.
I didn’t believe him.
I ran inside the gift shop, which was still open, to look for myself.
They were not where they were the last time.
“Excuse me,” I said desperately to the nice lady manning the counter, “where are the sneakers?”
“Which sneakers, dear?”
F-train chimes in “the horrible hideous Liberace sneakers!”
The woman behind the counter lifts up her leg and reveals the left foot of her black and silver pair of “hideous Liberace sneakers” on her feet.
F-train turned bright red. Assface.
“Yes! Those! Where are they?”
“They don’t make them anymore dear. I’m sorry.”
My sad crestfallen face must have made an impression though, because she then said “I know someone who might be able to help you.” She scribbled an aol address on a slip of paper and handed it to me.
“Thanks,” I mumbled stuffing it into my purse.
Meanwhile, the rest of the horrible, evil people in the store with me, were walking around making comments like:
“How did everyone not KNOW this guy was gay?”
“Did he leave any money to AIDS research? Cause that’s what he died of!”
“What has gone wrong in my life that I have ended up in the Liberace museum”?
Jason took this photo:
Why does he hate Liberace’s confidence so much?! Haters! Except April who bought me Li-bear-ace to cheer me up: @thisisnotapril and @realdawnsummers matching Li-bear-aces! on Twitpic (He’s pretty cute, though he’s a little judgmental…don’t ask.)
Anyway, when I got back to New York, I found the little paper, but decided to try google first. Googling turned up an ebay auction, of these:
THEY WERE 99 cents! DUUUDE!!
I watched them for TWO days! Still $0.99.
So, I bid $2.
“You have the winning bid”! Mr ebay informed me. Ex-cell-ent!
Then, NOT ONE HOUR later, I was outbid! Now 2.50 was the leading bid. So, I bid $5. “Sorry, you’ve been outbid!”
$6.
Sorry, outbid.
$8.
Outbid!
Mind you, I had watched these things untouched FOR TWO DAYS! But suddenly, now I’m in a LOSING bidding WAR!
The whole thing smelled SO fishy! Like the seller was upping the price just so I couldn’t get them for the ridiculously low advertised price.
I couldn’t find any proof, so I angrily spent Saturday afternoon, driving the price up so that whoever this dummy bidder was would be stuck paying the highest price they bid for the shoes. And it woulda worked too, except…
“You are now the current high bidder.”
Wait…what??
OH NO!
And then I sat and stared at the screen, hoping my nemesis would jump in there and outbid me again.
I waited. And waited.
Made lunch.
Waited.
Watched the World Cup finals.
And waited.
Made dinner, went to sleep, woke up, showered, made breakfast, went to work, waited waited waited.
“Congratulations.”
So…um…I own a new pair of Liberace sneakers.
Yay?
And F-train still owes me a birthday present.
June 28th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Does it help that this post made me laugh A LOT?
June 28th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
HEEYYYYYYYYYYYY! Today is BFF DAY!! I throw a flag! where’s my sympathy??????????????????
June 28th, 2010 at 1:16 pm
I’m supposed to be sympathetic for you getting the new sneakers you wanted? *confused*
I was COMPLIMENTING you on your blogging, DUH.
June 28th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
hmm…why do I feel like I have been outwitted here? but thanks AND TWO Comments! Yay! You know what would make it all complete? a retweeting of the link to this awesome awesome post.
June 28th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Well at least you won the auction. I spent my weekend bidding and bidding on a pair of sneakers for your birthday, but lost the au . . . Um, gotta go now.
June 28th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
The big question is… how much did you wind up spending on the eBay auction?
June 28th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
hahahaahaha
June 28th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
Pearatty is totally evil today. #haha
So what was the final price. #COMENEEDTOKNOW
Also congrats on the new purchase.
June 28th, 2010 at 1:27 pm
You’ree alllllllllllll oonnn thheee lliissssttt! Except April cause this is her BFF day. But I’ll add her tomorrow! HMPH #IllNEVERTELL *Brittany Murphy voice*
June 28th, 2010 at 1:34 pm
Sa-weeet!!
*waves at the suckers on The List*
June 28th, 2010 at 1:37 pm
That’s fine, I don’t mind being on the list. I’ll even share chocolate pudding with the other people on the list. I have $240 worth of pudding.
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/tjy
Which seems to pretty much fit with Liberace…
June 28th, 2010 at 1:52 pm
Well at least I get *that* reference now.
June 28th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Oh, and you know what else is awesome? You tweeted the link to that auction while it was going on. And like a GOOD BFF I clicked it, which means the URL is still in my history, which means….
June 28th, 2010 at 3:42 pm
$24.50???
I call BS on the unhappiness.
You just invented a post out of it is all.
June 28th, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Oh, you can sleuth that out, but you can’t tell me who K Matai is?
June 28th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
It’s Charles.
June 28th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
It’s Charles.
June 28th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
It’s Charles.
June 28th, 2010 at 4:47 pm
LoL, my thing triple clicked. I guess it really is him!
June 28th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
hahahaha Yeah, see the first time you said it, I was like “nah.” But then the second time, i was all “hmm…mayybbeee” And by the third time, I was TOTALLY SOLD! That fucker!
June 28th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Pearatty, brilliant!
June 28th, 2010 at 4:57 pm
I like how at the bottom of the listing it says “These sneakers retail for WELL OVER $100.” You know, just in case you didn’t know how classy they were.
June 28th, 2010 at 4:59 pm
I don’t know….I’ve been comparing the picture you took from the auction to the pic from the liberace site and are you sure they aren’t knock-offs?
Don’t these look sparklier?
http://www.shoeblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/kicks-liberace-pink-glass.JPG
June 28th, 2010 at 5:06 pm
OMG. YOU’RE TOTALLY RIGHT!! Oh wait, no never mind. I think that’s just the lighting…at first I thought the ones I bought didn’t have butterflies on them, but they do. Whew.
June 28th, 2010 at 5:12 pm
The idea that someone would actually go to the trouble to make knock-offs of those sneakers cracks my ass up.
June 28th, 2010 at 5:18 pm
You do realize that if you never wear the sneakers they’ll last longer . . .
June 28th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Dear April, There are only 6 hours and 39 minutes left in #bffday
June 28th, 2010 at 5:26 pm
But I’m on Central time! WHOOO HOOOO extra hour!
June 28th, 2010 at 5:27 pm
hahahahaha #damnmaths #foiledagain
June 28th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
http://cgi.ebay.com/Womens-pink-slouch-socks-one-sz-fits-all-/250656020211?cmd=ViewItem&pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3a5c4356f3#ht_932wt_1120
June 28th, 2010 at 8:00 pm
LOL. SHUTTUPPA YO FACE!
June 28th, 2010 at 8:31 pm
Listen, I’d be embarassed if people learned I’d paid $25 for those sneakers too. Zidonia and I were trying to figure out how we could make a break for it out of the gift shop without anyone else noticing. (Jason and April, sadly, would have been collateral damage.)
June 28th, 2010 at 9:03 pm
haahaha you jerkfaces! And I thought Zidonia was NICE! Hmph.
June 28th, 2010 at 9:03 pm
Do you have any idea how much I paid for them the first time?
June 28th, 2010 at 10:21 pm
Well now I know who I CAN’T do any crimes with! LOL Also, those sneakers look like someone drank a gallon of Pepto Bismol and vomitted on those sneakers. Please don’t wear those outside in public. mmk? lol
June 28th, 2010 at 10:23 pm
*DEAD* (And yes, F-train is a snitch.)
June 29th, 2010 at 11:04 am
My absolute limit on those sneakers was $23.
July 6th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
[...] We went inside and ordered, since we were on a Liberace musuem deadline. [...]