Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for May, 2010

Unbelieveable

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

In junior year of college, I took a nonfiction writing course. I had been writing “opinion columns” since I was in 7th grade, but honestly never really read opinion pieces in the newspaper or magazines. So, naturally, I thought I invented the genre. What? I have a healthy self-esteem.

Well, in this class, the Professor gave us photocopies of many different kinds of non-fiction. One that I still remember was called “Who Shot Johnny.” I still vividly remember the image of pulling baggy pants over the pampered buttocks of a teenage boy paralyzed by a bullet.

Come to find out, that article was written by Debra Dickerson, a blogger I just started reading because she and her children are now homeless after a protracted divorce battle!

We’d have to be talking about one charming motherf*cking pig

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

(Here’s the post I published exactly a week ago before the “EMP” went off.)

It’s Pulp Fiction Tuesday again…despite Gib‘s nefarious attempt to hit the height of awesome with his comment last week ruining all hopes that the rest of us would ever have a better Pulp Fiction Tuesday.

Today’s selection was inspired by my encounter last Saturday with a substance that they call “tur-key ba-con.”

I was roaming around Costco when the whiff of delicious bacon aroma smacked me right upside the face. BACON!

I went sniffing my way through the top floor when I came upon the woman frying up a batch at her sample station. But the lump in her hand looked weird…there was no fat and it was kinda uniformly shaped in a way bacon never is. I looked at the box and saw “Turkey Bacon.” Alrighty. Look, this ish SMELLS amazing, so hey, who am I to turn up my nose at the turkey?
Dawn Summers that’s who!
That stuff tasted like crap! You know why? It wasn’t real bacon. Real bacon comes from a PIG! Bacon tastes good! Porkchops taste good!

Tell it, Vincent Vega!

Dear Elizabeth Edwards…

Monday, May 24th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

And this chick is IN A WHEELCHAIR!

Woman up.

Uh…just saying.

This post is for informational purposes only.

The Hurt Locker

Monday, May 24th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

The Hurt Locker has really stayed with me.

I saw it almost 6 months ago, yet still I will chat up anyone who tells me they’ve seen the movie – okay, and even people who haven’t. I want to talk about it. And I never want to talk.

So, instead of annoying strangers who are able to see me and provide an accurate description to the police, I will annoy you guys who can only provide a vague description of an elusive Kasier Soze-esque “Dawn Summers” figure.

Now, I should preface this note with a few things: I am, politically, a liberal Democrat. My family lived in Panama during “The Invasion” and my grandparents’ apartment complex was hit by missiles during the fighting. I also have a cousin who did a tour in Iraq during Gulf War 1 and two tours during Gulf War 2. And he’s not one of those cousins I don’t like.

However, I am not a hippie.

If blood for oil is cheaper than the damn 3.15 per gallon that I’m paying at the pump now, I’m in. I mean, not me, of course, I am fat and lazy; but feel free to send whoever you need to send, on my taxpayer dime, to blow up whatever needs blowing up to keep Prince Eli running. My principled stance during the run up to President Bush’s Afghanistan/Iraq wars was simple: if it will keep America safe, do it. My feeling was if “the terrorists” want to kill Americans, US soldiers in the region are easier to get to than American civilians going to work on a crisp Tuesday morning. And, ideally, American soldiers are better equipped to a) withstand such attacks and b) retaliate with an effective vengeance. I never believed “W” was as stupid as he’s oft-depicted.

However.

And I think this is one of the themes the Hurt Locker highlighted beautifully, engaging in a war where the people of the country are not your enemy is complicated and tricky. Yes, we attacked Iraq, but we claimed it was a benevolent attack. We’re not destroying you, we’re freeing you! Look at all the freedom we’re giving you! Just respect our checkpoints, don’t use cellphones around our soldiers, follow orders from teenagers who don’t speak your language and submit to all searches. The scene in the movie when the guy goes to use his cellphone, a common method of detonating bombs remotely, still ties my stomach in knots. The director kinda cops out, in my opinion, by making it so that the guy on the phone *is* detonating a bomb. But what if he wasn’t? What if he was just a father buying a newspaper when the wife or kid calls with some emergency or another, he doesn’t speak English, so the shouting behind him doesn’t mean anything? He would have essentially been killed for talking on the phone! The same with the taxicab that violates the checkpoint perimeter (although, I felt that scene was pretty contrived. You don’t have to speak English to understand a gun being pointed at you and three men waving you backwards.) Here is a cabbie, just doing his job, and these soldiers have destroyed his vehicle and detained him. How is this freedom?

But the flipside is these soldiers know that the enemy, the terrorists, disguise themselves as ordinary civilians every day! They use the cloak of mundane objects and activities to carry out deadly plots to kill American soldiers. The guy on the cellphone could be the enemy; the taxi cab driver could be loaded up with explosives. They have to treat everyone like a threat; it’s simple survival instinct.

There is no right answer. Yet, if you are a young Iraqi boy, say 9 or ten, pretty much your entire life, you’ve seen the elders in your community bowing to the power of these Americans with guns. How can you respect your father when you know that a man, not that much older than can make your dad lie, face first, in the desert sand while he is searched? When your mother and sisters can barely walk the streets in fear of harm from their own people and this occupying force, how can you ever feel secure? Is this freedom?

When I was 11 or 12, race riots broke out in my neighborhood between the black people who lived there and the Korean grocers who worked there. A black woman was badly beaten after she was accused of shoplifting or something. Anyway, the police, in full riot gear, set up a mobile police unit smack in the middle of the affected block. They patrolled, in helmets and vests, with huge automatic weapons out. The whole operation was located two blocks away from the subway station my mom used to go to and from work. Anyway, one day, I’m coming home with her and there’s a huge puddle on the left side of the street. My mom tries to cross diagonally to the other side to avoid it. She is stopped by a cop with said huge ass gun who tells her to stay on the other side.

As you all well know by now, my mom be crazy, and she refused. As you all also well know by now, I be chicken shit. I was gripping her hand so tightly, she pulled it away and glared at me.
My mom won that battle of the wills. And her frightening powers grew that much more in my eyes, but I imagine her success has much more to do with the fact that she was dealing with a local police force, spoke the same language and, as a woman, with a young girl with her, posed little threat. How differently this scene plays out in occupied Iraq. It weighs on me. What do we owe these innocent civilians in this war of geographic convenience? What of these children who will grow up with little choice but to see us as the enemy?

They will never know Saddam, just Uncle Sam.

Lost

Monday, May 24th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

I get a text from Vinnay at the end of the show saying and I quote: “I just finished watching the finale. It’s the first time I’ve watched. What did I miss”?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Right Julius Goat?

Also, I’ve decided to live the rest of my life as if I am already dead. Beware.

You can’t keep a good blog down

Saturday, May 22nd, 2010 by Dawn Summers

Well, you can. But not for very long when dealing with the collective brain power of the people involved in trying to get it back.

I can’t tell you how much I appreciated all of your emails/facebook/twitter suggestions.

According to godaddy.com, last week the registered domain holder asked them to delete “clareified.com,” along with two other domain names; so, it wasn’t the company’s fault and I apologize for besmirching their reputation. Although, those commercials really need to tone down the sexual exploitation of women.

In the end, it took a little bit of…well, for legal reasons let’s just say…blah blah blah…but we were able to retrieve the blog and right all things wrong with the world. I now own the name, so barring an internal psychological struggle with that French speaking personality I am suppressing, something like this should never happen again.

TV News

Sunday, May 16th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

Good News: Heroes and Flash Forward have been canceled. Yay!
Bad News: Chuck has been renewed (sorry Anwyn), Mercy has been canceled and so has Better Off Ted and Law & Order. Boo.

And yeah, I know Law & Order sucked with Jack as DA, but NBC could have at least let them get the record and *then* drop the axe. So. Boo.

Tweet of the Day!

Sunday, May 16th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

Banana is harder to spell than it should be. And it knows it too. I see it taunting me with its “nanana.” Bananas are assholes. -@realdawnsummers

Is it rude to name yourself as tweet of the day? What if you can’t help it if you tweet pure awesome without even trying?

May movies roundup

Saturday, May 15th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

I know, I know.

You poor bastards have been sitting on the edges of your collective seats, paralyzed about what movies to rent ALL month! How could I do this to you? Who do I think I am? Jerkwad.

Hey, hey easy on the insults. I perform this service for free! Ingrates.

Okay, enough of the transcribing the voices in my head, I’m here to review movies! This will be what I call the international edition. I decided to breakout of my wheelhouse of slasher flicks and Michael Bay movies to watch some foreign language/arty flicks. You should know I also consider that “reading.” So, this will double as book reviews for my non-existent book review blog.

The Stoning of Soraya M

This movie is about an Iranian woman who is accused of adultery after she refuses to grant her husband a divorce. It stars Berooz’s mom from Season 4 of 24 and the guy who played Jesus in that Jesus movie that caused Mel Gibson to lose his damn mind. I don’t know very much about Iran, but this movie made me real angry at the Iranians. If there was an Iranian here right now, I would not offer him a glass of water. And then I’d say “that thirst? That there is for Soraya M.” And then I’d stomp off. Or not. Probably not a good idea to leave a thirsty Iranian alone in my living room. Ahem.
But back to the movie. It’s very melodramatic, but I like Berooz’s mom’s voice. She’s like Kathleen Turner without having to look at Kathleen Turner. And the rest of the cast is good too. It gets bloody though, and like I said, you won’t want to give water to Iranians for a while.


Death at a Funeral

The original one. Not the one with black people. Cause I don’t know who you think you are that you thought you’d be able to rent the black people one before it even came out in the theaters. I mean, Hollywood doesn’t know that you co-write a movie blog that gets ones and ones of readers every month! Moving on. Actually, despite the shock of expecting Chris Rock and instead seeing British people speaking English so funny sounding you can hear them putting the u into words where it doesn’t belong, I quite enjoyed this film. It’s about a family that comes together for the funeral of its patriarch. The dad’s secret love comes to light in the form of a blackmailing midget. Other secrets start pouring forth AND Alan Tudyk is in it! Love him. Highly recommend.

More

The End of an Era

Friday, May 14th, 2010 by Dawn Summers

Law and Order has been canceled!