Opposites only attract in Paula Abdul videos
Katie linked this on her twitterfeed yesterday:
I have a friend – one of my very best, actually – who I affectionately refer to as my “anti-me”. She is everything I am not.
She is Republican, Evangelical, Christianist, and Liberty University educated. She married at 22 followed in short order by 2 kids. She lived in the suburbs when we met and now lives in a rural area outside of a very small town. She is homophobic, anti-abortion, and a Tea Party sympathizer. She loves Sarah Palin. She thinks Barack Obama is an over-educated socialist who is trying to ruin America.
I am a Democrat, a skeptical Catholic, never been married and with no kids. I live in the city and can’t imagine living in a small town. I have gay friends and gay relatives and I am pro-gay marriage. I am pro-choice. I think Sarah Palin is an uneducated extremist who is trying to ruin America (to say the least). I voted for and continue to support Obama.
There is no reason that we should be friends. But we listen to each other. We talk, civilly, about the things we disagree about but it doesn’t dominate our friendship. We respect each others’ viewpoints, even when we think it is the craziest thing we’ve ever heard. I think I have become a better, more intellectually well-rounded person because I know her. I am less quick to judge and more open to hearing new ideas. I challenge my own beliefs more and I am better at examining view points I oppose.
We should all have an anti-me.
It’s a piece from Andrew Sullivan who, when I first started blogging, was the elusive conservative gay guy, but now is the liberal gay guy that leans conservative…or something.
He kinda just throws the letter out there without comment, and I was amused that Katie’s comment was “my anti me was my ex-husband,” cause that brings me to my point.
TV and movies always make “opposites” seem cute and fun. The reality of it though, is that over the long run, there is a reason like ends up with like. Your opposites are your opposites because you have rejected those things that make them so. How on earth can a sane, well adjusted adult give quarter to another adult who, say, “hates gays” or thinks President Obama is a “socialist”? You couldn’t, or you’d be crazy. Denying people any of our rights of citizenship should be reserved to people who have forfeited them through some violation of the social contract (e.g., murder, tax evasion, rooting for the Colts against the Saints in the last Superbowl). If another person believes differently and is all “women shouldn’t get to make their own decisions about their health” or “gay people shouldn’t be allowed to adopt,” that’s fine and good for them, but the fact that these are opinions I don’t believe to be compatible with, um, the ability to reason, will create the following dynamic in the relationship: Me and a person unable to reason.
Now, people have relationships with things and people who are unable to reason ALL the time pets/babies/the senile, but while it makes you feel noble and you can pat yourself on the back and write lovely letters to Andrew Sullivan about how you’re SO tolerant you tolerate INTOLERANCE, you never consider yourself equals with this person.
This person is a puppy who can talk and wear high heels.
This person is carnival attraction; it will hold your attention for an afternoon, but you will tire of it.
One day, you will want an intelligent conversation with an actual person, look around and realize: Jesus Q. Christ Sally wears a Sarah Palin tshirt and believes my gay cousin Teddy is an abomination. How can that be okay? Think about if this letter were written fifty years ago and boasted that her good friend “even burns crosses on Negro lawns.”
I don’t care how often you marched with Dr. King, if you’ve got a cross burner on your Christmas card list, that’s a problem.
Or, speaking from the other side, if you really believe abortion is murder, how are you chilling with your girl who has had two? I wig out just knowing my friends are sparking doobies at Phish concerts! (Dawn has no idea what any of those words mean. -Ed.) Imagine if I thought they MURDERED a person? Hell outta here!
A normal person will eventually retreat to people s/he actually respects intellectually and with whom s/he shares common ideologies.
Now, obviously I don’t mean opposites cannot coexist. Nor is this a liberals should stick with liberals argument. Lord knows I have issues with MANY MANY liberals. You saw the doobie sparking thing, right? Not to mention those who were all up in arms because they were certain America sent troops to Haiti after the earthquake cause we wanted to TAKE IT OVER! (Yah, that Obama is a genius “Obama ’12: Doubling the population of poor black Americans since 2009″) Obviously, coworkers, classmates, acquaintances – you can have meaningful relationships with all these people no matter what they believe. But when it comes down to it, if your best friend in all the world really truly believes that America is now a Communist nation, and are readying firearms well, um…(insert non offensive language which means, she is a retarded push monkey who needs medication.) And if you cannot dissuade her of this idea, how do you keep insane so close to you? Issues.
It’s not just about politics either. If someone is truly your anti-you. They are AGAINST YOU! Take that in!
The opposites attract relationships are funny and make good cinema because it’s not natural, it doesn’t exist -not in the long run, anyway.
It’s a ridiculous convention that takes a room full of writers, a vat full of makeup and wads of celluloid to come to fruition.
A woman and a dancing cartoon cat will never move in to the apartment next door.
May 4th, 2010 at 12:48 am
I too hate opposite attract thing – I don’t believe it can really work out in real life. However I don’t think it’s a con/lib divide. Do some of my liberal friends wacky ideas about peace and tolerance and flowers in guns make me want to pull my hair out? Yes they do. But at the end of the day it comes down to values and how one treats one another on a personal level. I’ve met people with the exact political views as me that make my skin crawl. There are things I chooses to #agreetodisagree with people, but I don’t judge them as worse or better than me, just different. There are ideological divides and then there is the asshole divide. The ideological divide I can live with, it’s the asshole one that stops me in my tracks. #probablynotmakingsenseshouldbeasleepnow #gotobedpetweetdov
May 4th, 2010 at 1:23 am
I believe Obama is a Socialist, and you have given me quarter! Where do you draw the line?
Other Reasons you are the anti-me:
Dawn vs. VinNay
1. Pats vs Bills
2. Mets vs Yankees
3. Democrat vs “Both parties are crazy and ruining America.”
4. Too many blogs vs. doesn’t blog enough.
5. Downstate vs. Upstate
6. Blind folder vs. Blind stealer.
Reasons we are the same:
1. Socially Liberal
2. We are both White.
I’m only keep you around for two reasons -
A place to stay when I get a hankering for Di Fara’s pizza, and I need you to convince PN to dye her hair blonde so we can get married (me and PN, not me and you, I could never get past the Pats thing).
May 4th, 2010 at 1:48 am
Hahaha ptweetdov and Vinnay are cracking me up, but I am trying to sleep! I will give them no quarter!
Also, Vinnay, your list can be shortened to Dawn likes all things good, Vinnay likes all things bad. I do not give you quarter, so much as keep my eye on you and report your movements to the government. Hmm…actually same for you Republican hippie! (You know who you are.)
May 4th, 2010 at 1:49 am
I totally am a blinds folder. *goes to corner and cries*
May 4th, 2010 at 1:50 am
Wait, this post is only mildly funny, and mostly intelligent and cohesive in its argument. But I could have SWORN this was Clareified…
True opposites eradicate one another. Simple physics there. But relationships between people with identical beliefs and personalities are boring, and can be just as annoying as opposites, as we’ll also see that which we dislike in ourselves.
In reality, a working relationship of any sort requires more of a puzzle-piece approach. There needs to be different likes, opinions, interests, etc., and each side must be willing to explore these. You’re allowed not to like them, but pieces need to complete parts of the larger picture.
May 4th, 2010 at 1:52 am
Um…thank…you? *scratches head* *goes to look at puhrty picture again*
May 4th, 2010 at 1:53 am
Also, in case it needed saying, this post in no way refers to anyone who currently comments on Clareified.
May 4th, 2010 at 4:48 am
[...] Clareified » Blog Archive » Opposites Only Attract In Paula Abdul … [...]
May 4th, 2010 at 11:01 am
I OBV agree.
May 4th, 2010 at 11:25 am
My own thinking, for what it’s worth, is that while it’s possible for friends to function at opposite ends of the spectrum, the moment you escalate the relationship to Much More Than That, the more problematic those differences become.
Everyone at this point throws in James Carville and Mary Matalin as counterexample. I suspect their relationship is more reptile/succubus than spouse/spouse. Your mileage, of course, may vary.
May 4th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Sometimes I think there’s hope for you.
Then I remember that you’re a Mets fan.
May 4th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
opposite attract: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sbritt/4547741298/ (Photo of a cat & dog)
May 4th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
Cats and dogs are not opposites. They are both mangy filthy beasts trying to kill us.
May 4th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
For what its worth, every single person I have ever dated was the opposite sex as me. Does that count?
May 4th, 2010 at 8:09 pm
Astin’s comment hits much closer to the mark than the post. I know not what has gone on in your life over the past two years, other than what you post. I suspect though, this post would not have been written two years ago.
May 4th, 2010 at 8:47 pm
You’re right. I have learned a lot in the past two years.
May 5th, 2010 at 1:21 am
Cats and dogs are not opposites. They are both mangy filthy beasts trying to kill us.
Well, sure, but not as agressively as this bad boy.
May 5th, 2010 at 10:00 am
DAMN! It was supposed to be Pulp Fiction Tuesday and I missed it!
May 5th, 2010 at 10:51 am
Oh snap! Whoops!
May 6th, 2010 at 1:38 am
[...] responds to my post, not in comment form as is REQUIRED in the by-laws and fine print of this blog, but in a post on his [...]
May 6th, 2010 at 11:10 am
Interesting post, not sure how I missed it earlier. I think you are correct that there are certain fundamental values and core beliefs that you must share with close friends for a relationship to survive; I could never be friends with anyone who thinks gays should be secondclass citizens. Superficial beliefs (e.g., sports teams to root for) that are in tension can actually enhance a friendship (what’s more fun than a taunting text message during a game?).
The tough category is what I’ll call “agree to disagree” beliefs. A friend of mine might believe in a literal creation and be anti-abortion. We can be friends, but we just won’t discuss those issues. As long as those issues stay on the sideline, no worries.
Oh, although Berkeley is neither mangy nor filthy, I do suspect he is secretly plotting to kill me.
May 6th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
And he may be the one dog, EVER, that I assist! #GetDawntoIowa
May 6th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Berkeley has been trained to assassinate Patriots and Cowboys fans, while merely maiming Vikings and Eagles fans.
By all means, come to Iowa. I’ll take you on a tour of the better poker rooms, we can crack some Aces, and you can milk a cow or feed some pigs on a farm.
May 6th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
I reject Patriots fans being, in any way referred to in the same sentence as those dirty, lame-o.
Cowboys fans.