Clareified

Where does the good go

ENGLISH EMEFFER!! DO YOU SPEAK IT?

Ever since I started drinking coffee, I have realized that there are many many many variations to a cup of joe. And me, being me, of those many many many variations there is only ONE that doesn’t make me gag and throw away four dollars in a cup. During the course of the year, I have learned to clearly articulate “Medium skim latte, two pumps of vanilla.”
This would often draw the following question: Sugar?
Dude, I told you exactly how many squirts of vanilla syrup I want, do you think I forgot to mention sugar?
No.
Once a dude brought me that shit in a clear cup filled with ice.
WTF? Did I SAY ICE???
Not gonna lie, it drove me nutz. So NOW I say, VERBATIM,:

Medium skim latte, two pumps of vanilla. Extra hot, NO sugar.

Just like that. EVERY TIME.
And today I get:

“Do you mean caramel?”
*Blinks*
“No.”
“Sugar?”
Are you KIDDING ME?
Seriously, if I could have jumped across the counter and bashed her head in without going to jail, I would have. And you just KNOW the media would paint ME as the crazy one!
Damn racist media out to get me and Tiger.

11 Responses to “ENGLISH EMEFFER!! DO YOU SPEAK IT?”

  1. DRobbSki Says:

    Perhaps you should give up the caffiene….it’s making you violent.

  2. Mary Says:

    Yeah, I’m with you. How hard is to get “medium coffee with half n’ half” wrong? Every time, I’m asked “no sugar?” Geez, if I wanted sugar, I would have asked for sugar. And yet, I still get coffees with sugar in it. Is this equivalent to a waiter spitting on your food? Do they give me sugar to spite me?

    Argh, I’m so angry now I’ve got to go get some coffee so I can beat up a barista.

    ; )

  3. Astin Says:

    You foolishly assume that coffee-mongers pay any attention to your order. They’re drones who stick to script.

    How many times has someone said, “Coffee, black, no sugar.” only to get the response of “sugar? room for cream?”

    Yet another reason I home-roast.

  4. Dawn Summers Says:

    But how could “do you mean caramel”? Be on anybody’s script? Hooowwww? Hate her so much!

  5. F-Train Says:

    I have this problem with deli sandwiches. I detest most condiments and spreads and have learned, over the years, that if I do not clearly specify that I do NOT want mayo or mustard, it could easily wind up on my sandwich. and even when I DO specify, it still winds up on my sandwich once in a while.

    Gross.

  6. Mary Says:

    I with you too F-Train. I hate condiments too and getting a sandwich with mayo after specifically saying no mayo is disgusting. Or getting something with cheese after emphasizing no cheese.

    Argh, I’m so angry now I’ve got to go get a sandwich so I can beat up a deli-counter guy.

    ; )

  7. Dawn Summers Says:

    Mary you are cracking me up! Hahahahaa

  8. Mary Says:

    I also can’t stand it when I’m being serious and I end up making people laugh. Can’t you tell that if I wanted a laugh I’d would have pretended to be Charles Star?

    Argh, I’m so angry now I’ve got to go find that Dawn Summers and beat her up!

    ; )

    Okay, that one doesn’t work. But I did have fun dishing out some punches at the local coffee shop and deli today.

  9. Ugarles Says:

    I have too many friends that like dry sandwiches.

    If you diverge from the norm, you will confuse people that make minimum wage. Accept this.

  10. Dawn Summers Says:

    I only eat honey mustard on sandwiches. And only the sweet non cream based honey mustard at that, so I feel their pain on that. I do not get not paying attention when someone orders in a clear, crisp, slow, well formed manner. Faster I’m outta yer face!

  11. Drizztdj Says:

    Do you want fries with that?

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