Clareified

I suppose I do this later and later every year…but I do it every year! It’s kinda my thing, so if you’ve got any comments about how I need a job or a life, you should mail them to your local “I’m an asshole and nobody gives a shit what I think” office. Cause you are and nobody does.

Also, as per usual, I shall begin with CBS because I watch so few CBS shows, it’s the easiest to get through

The Good Wife

This return of Julianna Margulies and Chris Noth to primetime could just as easily be called “The Eliot Spitzer story.” Noth is the state Attorney General who gets caught up in a prostitution scandal which ends up getting him sent to prison for embezzlement or misappropriation or some such thing. His wife then gets a job as a junior associate in a corporate law firm. We then discover that she is competing for one permanent slot with the kid that played Rory’s last boyfriend on Gilmore Girls. I never cared for him on that show, I don’t care for him here. Actually, I never cared for Julianna on ER either and wasn’t that big a fan of Mr. Big or Noth on Law & Order. So…um…yeah…I’m not a fan of this show. So far, it’s your run of the mill lawyer with a conscience helps the helpless show. They get the law wrong, they get corporate firm life wrong and well, it’s not at all entertaining. Which, given my track record through the years, means this show is destined for greatness and longevity!

The Mentalist

I LOVED the first season of this show. The lead…Simon Baker is not only pretty to look at, he’s um…pretty to listen to! He plays a charlatan whose shtick of “talking to the dead” and reading minds gets his wife and daughter murdered by a serial killer: the elusive red john. The first season has him joining the police force as a consultant. Using his ability to read body language and powers of extreme perception he helps solve a dozen crimes from child molestation to murder until the final confrontation with red john! Who gets away! Duh…it’s gotta run at least five seasons before syndication. Season two, on the other hand, has been lackluster. The dark haired woman who played the universally reviled Veronica on Prison Break, is not nearly so vomitous on this show. Well, she wasn’t…but this season…well, all the characters seem a little off. Too much of the personal and not enough of the crime solving. Plus, the new guy brought in to take over red john is too much of a cliché. I still watch, of course, but I’m hoping they return to the season one formula before I have tune the hell out.

CSI

I did not like the Laurence Fishburne first season. I did not like it in a box. I did not like it, like chicken pox. However, unlike The Mentalist, Fishburne second season is pretty cool! The return of Sara Sidle, the explosive gun toting season premiere…the getting rid of that annoying girl CSI…well…ahhh, the Las Vegas crime scene is back, baby!

How I Met Your Mother

Is there anything this show can’t do? Episodes about loud elderly sex, Barney punching out Robin’s date at a hockey game, Professor Mosby going to the wrong class…LOVE. This is a traditional TV sitcom that, despite the use of many old formulas (unrequited love, slapstick, pratfalls, misunderstandings, mocking Canada) is fresh and awesome and a must see! Like seriously. Every week. Barney Stinson is probably the greatest sitcom character ever created. Ever.
Legend. Wait for it. Dary. Oh, I hope Ted NEVER meets the Mother!

HBO

Tru Blood

Okay, this show is actually over for the season. While it was better than the first season. The way it ends with the shooting death of a certain character is so typical bullshit television racism that I deducted a full grade for it. Plus, there is A LOT of gratuitous sex and nudity. And ironically, not enough gratuitous violence and murder. So many more people should have been deaded during that season. (You do know I make up words, right?) SO MANY PEOPLE EXCEPT THE ONE CHARACTER THEY DO DEADEN. By gunshot of course. Bullshit! Also, the cliffhanger season ender? Eyeroll. She would’ve said yes so fast!

Entourage

Couldn’t get past the first ten minutes of the first episode. AND that’s WITH knowing that Tom Brady cameos at some point. Yawn.

CW

The CW is also a network that I don’t visit that often:

Gossip Girl

I don’t think I can overstate how amazing I thought Season One of this show was. Similarly, I don’t think I can overstate how terrible Season Two was…and the tiebreaking season three? Sadly, underwhelming. The kids have graduated high school and are now at elite New York City schools. NYU (not a state school, despite the name…I KNOW, I was shocked too) and Columbia. Chuck and Serena, have forgone the college life and gone straight to life life. I liked the first few episodes. Blair trying to take control of NYU only to find that the hippie Vanessa and hobo Dan seem to fit in better at the SOHO institution. Chuck and Blair finally together…Nate…hmmm…they never quite know what to do with Nate. This season is no different. His aborted relationship with the girl from the (sadly) canceled “Privileged” fizzled out when it was discovered she was just doing recon for her family. I think they need to do more stories with Little J embracing her inner B. Now that Blair and Serena’s friendship is seemingly over, hopefully they’ll become bitter enemies and we can see those devilish plots play themselves out. But most importantly, can Hilary Duff’s character get hit by a bus. Please? And no MORE Jimmy FALLON! Ugh. I miss the heart of this show: devious, rich girls who treat the world as their playground. More of that, please.

Supernatural

Gib got me into this series. It’s about two mortal brothers who fight the Supernatural. They’ve died, been to hell and back, battle with angels and demons alike and all the while, they remain beautifully groomed and stylishly dressed. Sam, who ironically used to play Dean on Gilmore Girls, still can’t act his way out of a paper bag, but Dean, who I hated on Smallville, yet find irresistible here, manages to carry the both of them. I like the addition of Cass – the former guardian angel who has gone rogue! According to everyone who is anyone, this is Supernatural’s last year. Which is probably good because after four seasons, they’ve pretty much done everything except a musical episode. The season is shaping up as a fight to the finish between the brothers with Dean as the Arch angel Michael and Sam as the man with the plan, Lucifer himself. Should be good, but until we get to that spectacular finish, we have to deal with sucktacular episodes guest starring Paris Hilton. And once again, we learn to thank god for the DVR fast forward button.

NBC

This is always the hardest one to write. I watch A LOT of NBC programming. A LOT. Here we go.

Community

I LOVED the first episode of this show so much. Disgraced lawyer Jeff Winger is forced to go back to school or face disbarment. He lands at a local community college. Turns out one of the Professors is an old client, so he tries to shake him down to get the answers for all his classes. This does not work. Instead, he forms a study group with a mishmash of losers and ne’er do wells. And this is where the show comes apart. The characters are SO BEEN THERE DONE THAT. Hippie/vegan white girl with a save the world complex, sassy black woman, jive talking black guy jock, prissy white girl, raunchy old dude and asberger’s Indian kid. Okay, he’s different. And he’s the only bright spot at this point. Abed and his weird videos and eery Batman voice. But Jeff, predictably falls for hippie vegan girl. Who typically wants nothing to do with him because he’s too shallow. Chevy Chase (old dude) does offensive old dude stuff…eh. You’ll laugh, but only in the way you laugh when someone falls…it’s funny when people hurt themselves. This show won’t see Season two.

Parks and Recreation

This. Show. MUST. DIE. If only because it will get Amy Poehler back to SNL doing the weekend update. Oh, also because it SUCKS. It tries to do that “documentary style” filming that “The Office” does, but since you don’t care a lick about any of these characters, you don’t care a lick about their interviews or their foibles or vulnerabilities. Also, the premise that Knope and the nurse lady becomes friends because of a pit filling in project…LAME. Also lame? Ex boyfriend of nurse lady LIVING in said pit. COME ON! The only episode that made me laugh was the one with the visitors from Venezuela. Knope thinks they are sad and poor, but they turn out to be dicks with lots of money. Hijinks ensue. Also the Megan Mullaly episode was funny. Sorta. Or I just really like her. Though even my like of her was not enough to make me watch “The Motherhood” OH MAN DID THAT SHOW BITE!

30 Rock

Me likey. The core cast of Liz, Jack, Tracy and Jenna keep me in stitches all by themselves, but then they manage to add an expert supporting cast of Kenneth, Dotcom, Grizz, the writers and awesome guest starring turns: Gob from Arrested Development, BRIAN WILLIAMS! Even the tongue in cheek “fourth wall” stuff they do, like having the first scene of the fourth season take place in a restaurant called “Season Four” makes me giggle. I even like how they do the most OBVIOUS product placements OF ALL TIME, but manage to make it work. Good for you Cisco, good for you. My favorite sitcom right now…well, this or HIMYM. Don’t make me choooose!

The Office

Sigh. Ok, this season is better than last season. But last season was SO HORRIBLE, it makes this season of “co managing” Jim and Michael seem like comic genius. But while it *seems* that way, it isn’t. This show is bad. The wedding episode was cute, but it was rife with all the problems the office has had since season four: implausibility. Michael forgets to make a reservation? FOR JIM AND PAM’s Wedding?? More believable would be that he booked ALL the rooms for himself. Never mind the co-managing move. Please. That branch needs to be shutdown, not co managed. If anything, it would have been funnier to promote Michael and let Jim run the office with Pam and Dwight as his foils. The Office has run its course. There’s a reason the British version only went two seasons.

Mercy
I just randomly picked a new NBC drama to follow, this was it. I knew nothing. And a good thing too because if I’d known it was going to star Michelle Trachtenberg…well…fist shake. Verdict? Mickey likes it! The show is set at Mercy hospital and centers on the nursing staff. Veronica, the lead, is an alcoholic Iraq veteran from a working class Irish family in Jersey. She married her high school sweetheart, but cheated on him with a doctor while she did her tour of duty. Her best friend is the sassy black/Latina nurse and Michelle is the fresh faced newbie who still believes she can make a difference. They mock her. A lot. The twist comes in the first episode when her desert affair man shows up as the new doctor AT MERCY just as she decides to recommit to her marriage and have a baby with her husband! Bum bum bum. The show is smart, I care about the characters and it’s funny. My favorite line: “These are truths, Veronica. The earth is round, the sun rises in the east and New Jersey sucks.” Dr. sands. HAHAHA That is to say, of course, it’ll be canceled any day now. Remon.

Law & Order

Blech. I hate the “Jack McCoy-lite” guy they have as head assistant DA. I DO like the woman. I DO NOT like the pairing of Lupo and the Anthony Anderson. I don’t trust either one of them and don’t believe they could solve a children’s crossword puzzle, much less New York City homicides. Lupo sleeping with a material witness is pretty much what I expect of them. The stories this season have also been so bad. Can they do more terrorism storylines? Please? I mean, can’t get enough of the 9/11 terrorism storylines. Eyeroll. New writers, new cast or this show needs to go…

Law & Order: SVU

On the other hand, SVU? Still genius. Huh…wait a minute…have we seen Ice T yet this season? Bring back Ice T! Anyway, love Liv and Eliot and Munch and the captain and the blond DA lady. I love the alcoholic DA mom from Jack & Bobby doing a guest turn as the ball busting um…ball buster…Loved the Rosie Perez episode…Oh, SVU, you just keep doing what you’re doing. Bring back Ice T though.

Heroes
This show is so stupid and bad that they are literally RETELLING first season storylines with the first season cast in the hopes that we will be fooled into thinking they have something new to offer. The new heroes are RIDICULOUS with EVEN MORE RIDICULOUSLY IDIOTIC POWERS (a woman whose body will reveal faces when ink is applied to her shoulder. How the fuck did she discover that power?!) I’m a huge fan of Teabag from Prison break, so it’s good to see him back on TV, but dude…his turn as a carney whose accent keeps changing from Irish to Southern will prove to be the low point of his career. Trust. Oh, and if they utter the phrase “save the cheerleader” just one more time…ima….ima…ima….I don’t know, but it’s going to be violent and bloody.

FOX

Glee

I didn’t like this show, at first. Then they started showing Sue Sylvester a lot more. Wheeee. I love this tough as nails, smart, vindictive, vicious…um…cheerleading coach???? Oh, so very much. Know how much? I’m willing to put up with the vanilla “leads” of that Judge Reinhold wannabe and the prissy white lady (though she has funny OCD stuff that makes her less obvious). The kids are slightly better, but the jock and the jock’s girlfriend and the unrequited love girl, sassy black girl, gay guy…well, you’ve seen them before. At least these sing and dance to Young MC and sometimes get Kristin Chenoweth to guest star! I also hate the baby stealing storyline…so artarded. But, did I mention Sue Sylvester? Totally worth it.

Fringe
I know I need to stop comparing it to the X-Files. Fringe has interesting monsters, but the cast is so very very weak. I don’t believe any of the lines when they come out of their mouths. This is a problem. I like the old man though.

Lie to Me

I’m sticking with this show. Though, sometimes, I forget why. I like all the characters well enough…Cal, who owns the Lightman Group and is an expert on “Deception.” Lindsay from the Practice. Mekhi Pfifer. They solve crimes by reading wrinkles…and frowns…or something. They had an episode where a gunman holds them hostage until they proved he didn’t kill his wife. That episode was dumb. But then they had one where an explosion traps an oil crew below ground and the only way to save the trapped men was to…um…bring in deception experts…yeah, okay, that one was dumb too…but then there was one where…see? I dunno why I watch this show…I just do. Oh, there was an episode with poker one time! Evidently deception experts ALWAYS win at poker. Never get sucked out on or anything! How did this show get two seasons?

Bones

Wheeee. Actually, I know why I stick with Lie to Me. I used to have to same uncertainty about Bones. But now Bones is one of my favorite shows! I LOVE IT. The dynamic between Bones and Booth will rank of one of the finest “will they/won’t they” romances in television history. I enjoy the banter in the lab, plus, I feel like I learn something from every episode. Rhumspringa indeed. Keep the bodies coming! (And how cute is Sweets? Seriously.)

House

I thought House going to the nuthouse would be the shark jumping moment for this show…but I was surprised. Instead, they used it as a reset button to return to life in Diagnostics before the days of 13 and cutthroat bitch. Too bad. While it was jarring when they broke up the team two seasons ago, I had gotten used to it. Now I find Chase and his stupid wife annoying. I also wonder how the black guy continues to take himself seriously. Has he ever been right? Ever? About anything? No. Boo. But I do still so heart Hugh Laurie.

Dollhouse
I have been very disappointed with this show. Not only is the premise weird: they use human beings as robots, wiping their memories and reprogramming them as necessary. But the way they realize the premise is weird too: Echo, for reason, retains all her memories, despite the wiping; yet is still able to be programmed fully. I also think most of the cast is weak. But just when I was about to give up all hope, the last episode before baseball ate Fox, blew me away. It was so perfect and scary and well done, that I’m looking forward to the return of the Dollhouse! Plus, it’s Joss Whedon. And we love Joss Whedon. And Faith.

The Simpsons

Dude. It’s the Simpsons. Watch it.

Family Guy
Meh. This show is always so hit or miss. When it’s good, Stewie is beating the shit out of Brian to get his money back. When it’s bad Peter is doing something retarded.

The Cleveland Show
Won’t even dignify this racist bullshit with a real review. Fuck you, Seth Macfarlane.

ABC

Don’t call it a comeback! ABC’s been here for years.

Better off Ted
Genius, genius, genius. Bring it back. SOON. Ok, so the last couple of episodes before it went on hiatus were weird, but Portia is so good as Veronica and the do goody white lady from Joey is great. Plus, the nerds in the lab. Pout. I miss this show.

Hank
Um…Kelsey Grammar had a huge flop with last season’s “Back to you” (though I thought it was okay), Hank was NOT the answer. I saw the pilot. Rich executive is fired and has to move back to his hometown with his family and now they have to adjust to being poor. Yawn. Kelsey is literally phoning in his performance from the stool at the Cheers bar. I’ve recorded subsequent episodes, but I have ZERO desire to play them. So I won’t. And you can’t make me.

The Middle

Speaking of “Back to You,” Kelsey’s co-star Patricia Heaton lands in this sitcom about a poor American family in middle America. Hence the title. I like this show. I’ve seen all the episodes. The Janitor from Scrubs plays the dad to Heaton’s mom. It’s funny. But we’ve done this exact show before…it even kinda had the same name: Malcolm in the Middle. But, eh, I liked Malcolm and I like the Middle. The star of the show is the youngest child: Brick. A genius, with a severe social disorder. Okay, it’s funnier than it sounds. He whispers to himself. I also like the middle child, a girl…named something or the other, she is talentless, but tries out for everything. You’ll laugh. But this show won’t last.

Modern Family

This show ALSO stars a refugee from “Back to You,” he plays the dad/son in law. This show also brings Al Bundy back to television, with his trophy hot Latina wife. As the name implies, this is a sitcom about the “modern family,” a dad and a stepmom about the same age as the kids, a gay son, his partner and their Vietnamese adopted baby, and the daughter, her husband and their three children. Oh and the Latina has a chubby teenage son. At times, it’s very funny. The partner, Cameron who wants “to dance for his baby” but was also the center for his college football team is my favorite. Julie Bowen – last seen as Jack’s ex wife on Lost – also reappears here. I think this will be the only sitcom to survive the season.

V

I never watched the original. But the new one, despite the casting of Scott Wolf (insert finger down throat, retch) captured my attention. 1. While I don’t really get into sci-Fi, but I do like “enemy that looks like us” stories, so I’m in. 2. Anything that ensures Juliet is off Lost, is a ok by me. Plus, she doesn’t seem nearly so annoying in this. 3. Hey, it’s the black guy from Boyz in the Hood! Special effects look good, the aliens are evil, and people will die. Done, done AND DONE! I’m sad that Alan Tudyk looks done, but fingers crossed…maybe not…

Cougar town

Run. DO NOT walk away from THIS DISASTER. This show is as bad…NO WORSE…than you could possibly imagine. It’s like every cliché about a 40 year old woman just realized in the ridiculously still hot Courtney Cox. Yah, she has trouble dating because of her age. PLEASE. Ugh. DUMB DUMB DUMB. I mean it, I watched two episodes and I think it wiped out everything I learned in tenth and eleventh grades.

Flash Forward

THIS SHOW IS BRILLIANT! So, the ENTIRE earth blacks out for 2 minutes and 17 seconds. Everyone gets to see that length of time of their lives 6 months in the future. Get it? Like a flash back…but this is a flash *forward*! See? See? Those who don’t see anything…well, they surmise that it’s because they die between now and then. Joe Fiennes stars, plus a woman who has been in something before, but I can’t place it. A boatload of people from Battlestar Gallatica and the not Indian guy from Harold and Kumar. Joe is a detective who starts investigating the cause of the blackout and he discovers that TWO people remained conscious during the event! Mystery! Then the government tries to have him and his whole team killed! Intrigue. Okay, as I write this it sounds cheesy, but really it’s very engaging. Promise!

Grey’s Anatomy

George bites it! Seattle Grace merges with Mercy West! Callie’s gay! Cristina falls for ANOTHER attending! Izzie is… AWOL. Oh, Grey’s Anatomy does the fun ever stop? Nope. I hate the way the Chief is being marginalized…he fires a doctor, but the doctor refuses to be fired and keeps coming to work? Fuck is that? He doesn’t promote another, so she quits, but then he hires her back DESPITE budget cuts? Fuck is that?
I don’t like the Izzie storyline NOT one bit. I HATE the baby Grey storyline too. They don’t give me enough Miranda…but it’s still Grey’s and heck, isn’t that enough? Yes! They do need to stop with the slicing off baby arms though… shudder.

Private Practice

Hey! Taye Diggs look at you in your THIRD season! You are officially no longer TV show death. Um…you know, Private Practice…it’s like Grey’s lite. It’ll do if Grey’s Anatomy is not on. Don’t like the giving up her baby and Pete going to work for the other practice plots, but, eh…what’re you gonna do. Nobody’s perfect.

Ugly Betty
When a show moves to Friday you just know the end is nigh. And with Betty beautifying, Daniel returning to his douchebaggy ways and well, frankly, many of the interesting characters gone or castrated, perhaps Betty’s time has come. I no longer enjoy watching this show. Though Vanessa Williams and Marc do amuse me. Hopefully, something will come of this Nico doublecross or Claire Meade’s bastard son…but until then, yawnfest.

Brothers and Sisters
Speaking of yawnfests…I CANNOT believe this show is back for another season! Dude, they’ve had so many marriages, so many bastard children, so many addiction relapses…I just…who is watching this show? Oh…right…me. I like Sally Field, sue me. If you haven’t been watching this show, you definitely shouldn’t start. In fact, if you have been watching, this might be a good time to quit.

Desperate Housewives
This show is still fun. I like seeing Angie from The Sopranos back on TV. Playing pretty much the same character. (Poor Italian stereotyping) I love that Gabby is a no nonsense mom. I hate the Lynette pregnant AGAIN with twins AGAIN storyline. But Tom as college student studying Japanese is WORSE. I don’t like that they’ve turned Katherine crazy or Bree cheating on Orson with Susan’s ex…but it’s bubblegum on a Sunday night. Hard to get mad about bubblegum. It’s chewy.

This entry was posted by Dawn Summers on Monday, November 9th, 2009 at 6:58 am and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.