Clareified

I had this whole “Keeping it Obama” mental state going for almost a year!
Sure, I had minor flareups of angry aggression here and there, but for the most part: I was “cool, hunny bunny.”
And then, a few days ago, I just lost it.
Like a bride who has been starving herself until the big day, diving face first into the wedding cake, lost it. Not a good look.
Not really going to get into it, lest I also violate my moratorium on cheerleader “Hello, Kitty diary posts,” but suffice to say I hate when people act like they’re smarter than I am. I know, maybe, a handful of people who are just so brilliant that it would be fair for them to assume that they are smarter than most people that they’ll meet, me included; but those people are usually so humble and unassuming, they would never behave condescendingly even though they’ve certainly earned it. Thus, anyone that’s all “ooh, check out the big brains on me,” seriously needs to check themselves. Sit down, negro, anything you know, it’s cause you read the wikipedia entry I wrote about it yesterday. This type of behavior is particularly irksome coming from white people and men. It’s like instant, fuck you, motherfucker, let’s write a 25 page paper analyzing the symbolism of trains in Anna Karenina right the fuck now!
Cause, um, you know, that’s the only real skill humanities majors at liberal arts colleges really have. Nevertheless! Skill, Have will travel.
I’m back on the wagon tomorrow though and I will win the Nobel in ’10.
This is where Doris says “For what?”
And then I say “For PEACE, vasya.”
And then he says:
“Oh, are you doing Astin’s undeserved awards meme? #undeservedawards.”
Dead. #DawnkeepingitObamaDEAD
Doris has jokes.
After chastising me for going McCain, he goes “Don’t worry about it, Dawn. You’re great and awesome and AMAZING! You have terrible judgment and fail at life, but you are great and awesome and AMAZING!”
I’m all “Aww, thanks, Doris, you’re pretty– wait, what?”
“Mmm? Huh?”
“Before…What did you say?”
“That you were AMAZING?”
“Uh huh… yeah before that…”
“Oh, that you were great and awesome too!”
“Hmm…that was it? Great and awesome?”
“Oh, and AMAZING. Definitely your sucktacular jugment and failure to ever listen to me AMAZES me everytime.”
Then he said he was making all of my decisions from here on in.
And while I would like to have been able to put my foot down and storm off in righteous indignation, I’m too busy all in a twitter fight, pouting about how “she started it.”
Which she TOTALLY did. (Um, please disregard those last remarks, Doris does not approve and says it is not Obama’s way.)
Ha! and speaking of funny Doris stories. I hadn’t heard from him in a couple of days, so I texted him “I feel like you are sad. This is making me sad.” Then I sent him another text: “Now, I am sad. Cheer me up.”
And he totally did! Hahahaha I am awesome. Hahahahaha
Also, I now text fetuses. Get them started early, I say.
Whoa, I wonder what a fetus will text back. Shudder. I’ll let you guys know if it’s anything good. Or if it’s anything at all, my blog has no standards.
What?
You think that’s funny?
Don’t make me come to your house and write an essay. Cause I will.
Um, Doris has requested that I change that to “come to your house and hug your puppy.” No euphemism.

This entry was posted by Dawn Summers on Sunday, October 11th, 2009 at 3:25 pm and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.