Clareified

Where does the good go

Ponyboy is dead

Ok, I don’t want to be one of those tools that writes an intro that’s longer than the poem and this poem is hella short, so we may have already failed.
I used to put this poem and the book that made it famous, “The Outsiders,” in the category of “waa, whiny white teenagers boo fucking hoo.”
See Caulfied, Holden.
It’s all about how life changes quickly; and the good and innocence giving way every time. Nothing gold *can* stay. It’s inevitable.
As a poor, chubby black girl who lived in the ghetto with her immigrant single mother, I had no sense of nostalgia for anything. Except for my mom, EVERYTHING sucked. My apartment sucked, my building sucked, my clothes sucked, my hair sucked, my block sucked. You name it, it sucked it.
Quote me.
So, as I went off to fancy schmancy prep schools and Ivy League universities, I had no patience for any idealization of “childhood” or “poverty” or “oh, you came from the streets, how wonderful.”
No.
It wasn’t.
It sucked. Now put your blazer back on and shut the fuck up about how ever since the divorce, your daddy will only pay for four weeks of space camp. Yeah, he’s the douche.
For me, everything in my life was getting better. And that’s the way I liked it. I didn’t want any of that shit to stay. But today, the days are shorter, the nights are cooler, October – and the end of the first decade of the millenia – loom just on the horizon, I can appreciate the sense of loss. I understand nostalgia for friends and good times long gone. I see the value in thinking on the wonders you took for granted or didn’t even notice because you were moving too quickly or your mind was preoccupied with whatever thing you thought was more important. But at the same time accepting that it was so precious because it couldn’t last. And so, to close out September, we choose another Robert Frost classic.
Here’s to the gold in our lives, now gone forever.
Not to my childhood though, that still sucked.

Nothing Gold Can Stay – Robert Frost

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

11 Responses to “Ponyboy is dead”

  1. Riggs Says:

    I thought everyone’s childhood sucked. We should play a game of my child hood sucked worse cause…

    And HOW DARE YOU SIR! How dare you point your crooked finger at Holden Caufield to use as an example. Hell, they didn’t even know what whiny was back in that era! Ok, maybe a little, BUT HOW DARE YOU SIR!

    p.s. – you should move to Philadelphia. It’s closer to AC!

  2. Dawn Summers Says:

    Haha no, no everyone *thinks* their childhood sucks, only the few and proud really had sucky childhoods. I say if at seven you were beaten under a shower stream with an electric cord, or slept on a floor in a kitchenette for three winters straight or has a father that not only doesn’t know your birthdate, but doesn’t know your birth year…you qualify. Whatchoo got, lightweight.

    P.S. Yes, philly is closer to AC, but then I’d live in Philly! #noneedformy30stosucktoo
    :)

  3. Michael Bates Says:

    So I take it you aren’t coming to Tulsa for a tour of Outsiders locations and Indian casinos?

  4. Petitedov Says:

    I kind of think my childhood was the best time of my life. Before becoming an immigrant ruined my self-esteem.

    Anyhoo, I tend to live in the past and have a hard time appreciating the future. I’ve realized that about myself and I am actively trying to change that. I’m trying to look forward to new adventures with old friends and even some new ones. I’m letting go that it will never feel like it did, 2 years ago, 5 years ago, but that’s okay and maybe that’s a good thing.

  5. Dawn Summers Says:

    :( Yeah. It never will. But hopefully, it can still be good, right? Different, but good?

  6. Petitedov Says:

    Different but good is def. my motto! :)

  7. Petitedov Says:

    Oh I forgot, when we get older we get to drink AND eat cookies whenever we want. Always a plus.

  8. Jamie Says:

    Didn’t Brown vs. Board of Ed abolish “Different, but good”?

  9. Angela Says:

    Yes you should move to Philly.

  10. Dawn Summers Says:

    Heh…stop that! We should all move to LA! Petitedov, you in?

  11. Angela Says:

    Yes, good plan!

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