Clareified

Where does the good go

Dexter?

I started the new job. Sorry, Tae, I did not win the Main Event. I didn’t even play because Fisch refused to stake me. And then he said a bunch of racist stuff about black people always looking for handouts. And then I said I was latino and he said “mexicans, blacks same thing.” And then I cried and he said derogatory things about women. And then he said “whatevs, clean slate on Monday.”
(The best part, is that of all the things I attributed to him in that paragraph, the only one that will offend him is that I have him saying “whatevs.” #Truestory)
Where was I? Oh, right, new job. Okay, someday, when I am rich and famous I will write a book called “ridiculous jobs I have had.”
This job will be Chapter Four.
Although, I am supposedly being paid a shitload to do it. (I say supposedly because the numbers used to lure me into the position have not been mentioned ONCE since I got there.) So, we’ll see.
Anyway, that’s not why I’m writing this post. Here’s the thing:
There’s this guy. He is a short, chubbyish middle aged white man. He always wears a striped shirt tucked into his khakis and a belt. Oh yeah, AND he has like old timey classes from the Russell Crowe movies where he talks like an American and everyone smokes! Sometimes this dude at my job also wears a tie. But sometimes he doesn’t! That’s not the weird part, though. He is ALWAYS smiling! Like ALWAYS! Staring at the computer, pushing the elevator button, walking to the coffeemaker…ALWAYS. And not in the perfectly normal way that some people smile to themselves because they’re writing the post in their head about the obviously psychotic coworker who is smiling all the time. (Oh, and can I get a what up from Grammer Queen for perfect usage of their and they’re?)
So my question is, do I have enough to call the FBI? You just know that there are girls chained up in this dude’s basement! I feel like if I had the handshake power like Christopher Walken in that movie, I would touch his hand and hear the screams of his victims; feel the blood of the innocent seeping through my pores. (Wow, am I glad I don’t have that power.)
Anyway dear readers, please advise! There are lives at stake! Maybe literally! (Who knows what Smiley McSmilerton is up to at night.)

25 Responses to “Dexter?”

  1. Angela Says:

    “If you see something, say something.”

    That’s the motto emblazoned on our local transit system. Perhaps it would be foolish not to take heed of the advice of the Delaware River Port Authority wisdom.

  2. Grammar Queen Says:

    What Up!

  3. Dawn Summers Says:

    Wow, I got Grammar Queen to post a sentence with no verb…I really don’t know my own strength.

  4. The Real Grammar Queen Says:

    That was not me. Here is your kudo: well done.

  5. Pearatty Says:

    I say skip the police, and go straight to vigilante justice. The man must be exterminated for society’s sake.

    Does he have old timey classes, or glasses?

  6. Dawn Summers Says:

    Hahahhaha There’s a grammar queen imposter? Dubious claims!

  7. Pearatty Says:

    I suspected that wasn’t the real Grammar Queen myself.

  8. Mary Says:

    Does this post mean that this man is also a serial killer?

    http://foxyurl.com/vFy

  9. Pearatty Says:

    A serial *lady* killer, maybe!

  10. Dawn Summers Says:

    What pearatty said. Plus, everybody knows black people aren’t serial killers. (Somebody shoulda told the Maryland sniper, might’ve saved some lives.)

  11. F-Train Says:

    “Sometimes… when I’m driving… on the road at night… I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this… sudden… impulse to turn the wheel… quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. ”

    There ya go, that Christopher Walken impersonation should hold you over for a while.

  12. Dawn Summers Says:

    It’s not that same without the voice and the “schooching” :( boo I miss F-train.

  13. Real Dawn Summers Says:

    That was not me: I hate F-train. Glad to be rid of him. I soo wanna take a picture of “Dexter” so you guys can see. No worries, he’ll be smiling in it.

  14. Pdov Says:

    I wouldn’t do it. No good deed goes unpunished. Do you want to be one of those girls chained in the basement?

  15. Mary Says:

    I wanna picture, I wanna picture. Where do you work? I’ll come take a photo of the guy. No way is he chaining me in a basement.

  16. Fisch Says:

    Mary, why wouldn’t he chain you in a basement. I would. ;)

    Dawn, this is what I told the doctor to skip the good drugs and just get on with it because I have to get home and see what’s happened for???

    You did not debase me. You debased YOUUUU.

  17. Dawn Summers Says:

    Uh…the answer’s yes, Mary; I will mention Fisch’s comment when I call the FBI. You’re welcome.

  18. Mary Says:

    hahaha – thanks Dawn!

  19. Pearatty Says:

    Picture!

  20. Dawn Summers Says:

    Dude…you guys have to give me a plausible reason for taking his picture! #testingflash?

  21. Pdov Says:

    For your scrapbook project. You love your coworkers & need to remember them before they go to jail forever. #testingflash works too.

  22. DRobbSki Says:

    Big Brother knows.

  23. Charles Says:

    A real grammar queen would know that “kudo” isn’t the singular of “kudos.”

  24. Pearatty Says:

    Grammar Queen was probably using “kudo” ironically. Just a guess.

  25. tito Says:

    I remember seeing Henry Fool in the theater, and thinking that it wasn’t Hal Hartley’s best work; I’ve warmed up to it since. Whatever you think of the man and his movies, this scene seems apropos.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U39sZgwSr_s

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