Clareified

Where does the good go

He’s the comedian

The second half of the show I went to last week was the comedic stylings of @elonjames.
The transition between the poetry and the comedy was brought courtesy of “Lyrical Uppercut,” Elon’s spoof of a Def Poetry Jam poet. Lyrical’s woman threw him out of the house even though her name’s not on the lease because her credit is bad and he pays the rent. His first poem was called something like soulless harpy kicked me out of the apartment even though her name is not even on the lease. This bit went on for some time, but just when I was scared that this was going to be it, he switched into the “post racial” humor that I love his microblog for.
Three things about Elon that you should know, besides his mad tweet skillz: 1) He loves brunch, like brunches all day, everyday for months at a time. 2) Has been called by Ugarles as “black as @realdawnsummers or Skip Gates.” 3) he has a white Jewish girlfriend. He is now, consequently, Kearns’ new personal hero. Anyway, once Elon started the actual standup stuff, he was totally cracking me up.
“So I grew up in Bed Stuy (audience cheers) No..no..nobody “wooo”s for Bed Stuy. You “whew, I made it out alive” about Bed Stuy.” I laughed. True facts.
“My girlfriend and I just moved into an apartment in Bed Stuy. Here’s the thing, her moving to Bed Stuy and my moving to Bed Stuy are very different things. For her, it’s like ‘oh, I’m moving to Bed Stuy, the neighborhood is changing, Brooklyn is so wonderful.’ My moving *back* to Bed Stuy means something has gone horribly horribly wrong.”
Hahahhahahahahahaahahahahaha
My last year in East Flatbush was pretty much that thought ALL THE TIME!
He did some other stuff about twitter and how when people are like “oh, I don’t have time to twitter” he’s just like “whatever, yes you do. It’s *twitter*! “People judge me for twittering? No, I judge you for NOT twittering. What’s wrong with you?”
Ahem. Pearatty, I think he meant you specifically.
He ended with a bit about getting shit for calling someone a nigger. “But see, here’s the thing, I used the word the way it was intended: with hate! I invited this guy to an open bar event and the next day he’s telling me he stole two bottles of wine. I was so disgusted. It’s like nigger, I hate you. So of course, people are like ‘but you wouldn’t have called him that if he was one of your white friends.’ I’m like I don’t have any white friends. I have a lot of white acquaintances who are going to be very surprised when the revolution comes. They’re all going to be like ‘heey, why’d Elon bring a shotgun to brunch?'”
Hahahhahahahaahahhahaahaha
Kills me. Hahahahaah So true. Um. Except you guys, I wouldn’t hurt you guys.
After the set, Imani, who met me there, made us go say hi. I pretty much was my usual spastic self when I meet celebrities, but she was all “why don’t you follow me on twitter?! And why does Lyrical Uppercut hate women?” I believe I actually took two physical steps backward. Then she asked him where in Bed Stuy he lived and he said “actually we just moved to Crown Heights…but I’m like I’m not writing new jokes.”
I gasped audibly.
It’s like he had just confessed that he didn’t really brunch at all, just had six small sensible meals throughout the day.
“Liar!”
He laughed.
“I’m telling!”
You have all just been told.
But all in all, he was very cool, even in the face of Imani’s reprimands and my disillusionment.
Very fun.

5 Responses to “He’s the comedian”

  1. KJ Says:

    #wecoollikethatson

  2. Dawn Summers Says:

    A comment!

  3. pearatty Says:

    Here’s a comment for you — how long do I have to stay at work on the 20% chance my boss has revisions to a motion that has to be filed today, that he will want me to make, but that he has not yet given me?

  4. Dawn Summers Says:

    10 more minutes. I will write you a note.

  5. Pdov Says:

    Jews aren’t white people right? We are the exception. Right? Okay, lets go with people who twitter. #weareawesome #howseriousarewetalkingrevolution?

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