Archive for August, 2009
The second half of the show I went to last week was the comedic stylings of @elonjames.
The transition between the poetry and the comedy was brought courtesy of “Lyrical Uppercut,” Elon’s spoof of a Def Poetry Jam poet. Lyrical’s woman threw him out of the house even though her name’s not on the lease because her credit is bad and he pays the rent. His first poem was called something like soulless harpy kicked me out of the apartment even though her name is not even on the lease. This bit went on for some time, but just when I was scared that this was going to be it, he switched into the “post racial” humor that I love his microblog for.
Three things about Elon that you should know, besides his mad tweet skillz: 1) He loves brunch, like brunches all day, everyday for months at a time. 2) Has been called by Ugarles as “black as @realdawnsummers or Skip Gates.” 3) he has a white Jewish girlfriend. He is now, consequently, Kearns’ new personal hero. Anyway, once Elon started the actual standup stuff, he was totally cracking me up.
“So I grew up in Bed Stuy (audience cheers) No..no..nobody “wooo”s for Bed Stuy. You “whew, I made it out alive” about Bed Stuy.” I laughed. True facts.
“My girlfriend and I just moved into an apartment in Bed Stuy. Here’s the thing, her moving to Bed Stuy and my moving to Bed Stuy are very different things. For her, it’s like ‘oh, I’m moving to Bed Stuy, the neighborhood is changing, Brooklyn is so wonderful.’ My moving *back* to Bed Stuy means something has gone horribly horribly wrong.”
My last year in East Flatbush was pretty much that thought ALL THE TIME!
He did some other stuff about twitter and how when people are like “oh, I don’t have time to twitter” he’s just like “whatever, yes you do. It’s *twitter*! “People judge me for twittering? No, I judge you for NOT twittering. What’s wrong with you?”
Ahem. Pearatty, I think he meant you specifically.
He ended with a bit about getting shit for calling someone a nigger. “But see, here’s the thing, I used the word the way it was intended: with hate! I invited this guy to an open bar event and the next day he’s telling me he stole two bottles of wine. I was so disgusted. It’s like nigger, I hate you. So of course, people are like ‘but you wouldn’t have called him that if he was one of your white friends.’ I’m like I don’t have any white friends. I have a lot of white acquaintances who are going to be very surprised when the revolution comes. They’re all going to be like ‘heey, why’d Elon bring a shotgun to brunch?’”
Kills me. Hahahahaah So true. Um. Except you guys, I wouldn’t hurt you guys.
After the set, Imani, who met me there, made us go say hi. I pretty much was my usual spastic self when I meet celebrities, but she was all “why don’t you follow me on twitter?! And why does Lyrical Uppercut hate women?” I believe I actually took two physical steps backward. Then she asked him where in Bed Stuy he lived and he said “actually we just moved to Crown Heights…but I’m like I’m not writing new jokes.”
I gasped audibly.
It’s like he had just confessed that he didn’t really brunch at all, just had six small sensible meals throughout the day.
You have all just been told.
But all in all, he was very cool, even in the face of Imani’s reprimands and my disillusionment.
Anytime I get obsessed with a new song, I run it through itunes’ genius button to see what other songs I would like. The song of the moment is Big Mistake and I gotta say I’m lovin’ the playlist genius gave me:
People Ain’t No Good Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
The Blues Are Still Blue Belle & Sebastian
Like A Friend Pulp
Myriad Harbour The New Pornographers
First Day Of My Life Bright Eyes
Orange Sky Alexi Murdoch
Snails The Format
Why do I never have a deep abiding need to find the perfect head of lettuce?
I broke up with my cupcake truck. First, it pretty much stopped making vanilla/vanilla cupcakes. I know! What the hell, right? But then one day I went to its advertised location and it wasn’t there! Un. Acceptable.
I went back the next day because they were introducing key lime cupcakes. It was pouring rain and I got way drenched on my way there, but when I placed my order at the truck, the guy was a total jerkwad. Strike 3.
Back to cupcake drawing board. I went to the place advertised as the best cupcakes in Brooklyn. Vomitous.
Like might as well just get Hostess at your local store.
But then last night, on my way to my second tweetup, I stopped off at the place listed as the best cupcakes in New York City: Sugar Sweet Sunshine Bakery!
Hot damn! Yum-my.
The vanilla/vanilla are simply called “sunshine” and that’s what they are. It is the best cupcake I’ve ever had. (Yes, Mint Julip, even better than Billy’s.) I bought a box for the tweetup group, it’s Angela’s birthday week. She said the chocolate ones were great and I think Pdov had the red velvet and liked it. So there you go: Sugar Sweet Sunshine for the win. Go. Go now!
So I logged on to facebook yesterday to find this girl I went to law school with defriended* me. Now, I haven’t seen this woman in years and certainly not since we became facebook friends last year or the year before, so I couldn’t have done anything *personally* to anger her. So what’s the dealio? Does she not enjoy my six times a day witty facebook status banter? Is it a facebook software glitch? Should I even bother trying to find out? I definitely only care in that abstract way of if she did defriend me on purpose cause of something I did, I want to be able to brag about it and put it in my big book of ways that I am so awesome. And of course start to say bad things about her on my blogs.
What? She would have it coming. Everyone knows that I am the nicest person on the planet, so if you’ve got beef with the nicest person on the planet, what kind of harpy faced monster must you be?
*76% sure she defriended me, it’s, therefore 24% we were never facebook friends and all I have to do is add her.
Have a good weekend.
Me: Ooh, I look adorable! Put that picture up on facebook! What? I told you I was a social media whore.
Philip: Well, I guess if you’re going to be a whore, that’s the best kind.