Clareified

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my cousin and her man lately. Natch, I’ve been spending A LOT of time making sure baby Sammy is still alive.

(Eight months: Still alive!) [How cute is this kid? He can't parallel park for shit, but dude, he's a baby!]

My cousin is, sad to say, as dumb as a box of hammers. No offense to hammers. Her man is as dumb as a blade of grass, step up from hammers, but still not quite animal kingdom, if ya know what I mean. You know how in all the teachings about babies the experts are all “don’t give the baby cow’s milk in the first year, put the baby in a car seat, make the baby sleep on it’s back, watch the baby, feed the baby, change the baby?
Well, my cousin is all “dress the baby in cute outfits and make him do stuff.”
“Hey, cousin, look at this!” is pretty much her catchphrase these days.
And when he no longer amuses her, she leaves him whereever and walks away.
This is an actual conversation:
“Denise, where’s Sammy?”
“Um…oh…the livingroom, I think…”
(Nope, he was in my mom’s bedroom. Mind you, THIS IS A BABY THAT CANNOT WALK.)
We went out to dinner, and Denise was all “cousin, I know you must have been sad about Michael Jackson. I remember you used to have everything Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson posters, Michael Jackson clothes, Michael Jackson books, Michael Jackson watch.”
(I TOTALLY DID HAVE A MICHAEL JACKSON WATCH!! I had forgotten that!”)
It was funny listening to her talk because my cousin is 6 years younger than I am, but when she and her twin brother would come over I used to make them sit quietly in my room while I entertained them with my latest plays and/or dance performance; or make them entertain me with reenactments of WWF. Ah, good times.)
Anyway, she insisted that we had to get back home early because she had to catch “16 and pregnant before the BET awards at 8:00.”
What?
“Which thing?”
“Either…what the hell is 16 and pregnant?”
“Oh, it’s the BEST show, cousin, you have to watch.”
I was fairly sure that I didn’t.
Sure enough, fifteen minutes into the show, which is pretty much what it says it is, I wanted to slap everyone involved from the producer to the 16-year-old to her parents and, of course, my cousin for putting this crap on.
She then flipped to the BET awards. Now, I don’t watch BET. Never have. I don’t even know what goes on there, except that whenever I’m all “why are there no minorities on primetime TV,” people go “are there white on the BET?”
The show opened with the skeletal remains of New Edition. (Black men do NOT enjoy the graceful aging that black women do.) YIKES!
And then Jamie Foxx came out in full on Beat It gear. Did some scenes from the video and then moonwalked across the stage in tribute. Then Lebron James got an award for best black athlete. My cousin booed and said Kobe got robbed. Personally, I was surprised that Lebron showed up to collect. But the audience was actually filled with A-listers from the black community.
They had some little kids sing Michael Jackson songs and do Michael Jackson dances…I was impressed especially since they had like four days to put it together.
Sammy was less impressed:

And then:

However, the next day all of my black friends were flipping out about the broadcast. Most notably, Tyson admonished me “please do NOT tell your white friends what happened last night on BET. Obama has ENOUGH problems.”

Ugarles’ friend dedicated an entire VBLOG to the cause called “BET hates black people”

It’s kinda funny:
(“When Michael Jackson died it felt like my uncle died…actually, that’s not true. When my real uncle died, I didn’t give a shit. He was kind of an asshole.” WORD! HAHAHAHA)

Um…well, that’s about it. BET: If you have no expectations, it’s an awesome channel.
And baby Sammy is still alive.

This entry was posted by Dawn Summers on Saturday, July 4th, 2009 at 1:11 pm and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.